To feel upset I’m no better off after personal stylist?

[Annie2163]

I had a personal stylist appointment from a big departmental store thinking they would help me pick out a few outfits to make me feel good about myself as I have a few events coming up I’m nervous for. DH looked after the kids to give me time and space for this appointment (he rarely looks after them so a big surprise for me). I had really high hopes but I’m left really disappointed. I explained my style to her and even the clothes I wouldn’t wear I told her when she showed to me but I still tried on. I ended up buying 3 dresses, 3 tops and 2 trousers. It cost a lot of money as they not cheap and I felt the tailoring and fabric of expensive clothes would suit (as she told be they would). I’ve had them for a few days now and I’m not happy and I want to return. I FaceTimed my sister to show her and she agrees they don’t suit me. She thinks one dress is okay and I should keep (this dress is £190) the other 2 she said are awful as they really show the fat on my tummy whilst the other one kind of hides it with the pleats etc.

I am really upset about wasting my time and money. I kept telling the stylist my areas of concern and she kept brushing me off saying I’m probably brainwashed by social media thinking of the perfect body should look like and my body is great. But surely accentuating my worst feature (my tummy area) is not good? The rest of my body I like such as my arms and legs. I just feel I could have done a better job at picking up some pieces from cheaper brands and look better. I have no family or friends here to look after the kids so this was such a treat for me. I have to return the clothes and just look online. Has anyone actually used a personal stylist and gone away with nice clothes? My first event is next week I’m really dreading it. I’ll probably just won’t go as usual.

edited for all the typos! Sorry!

Self esteem and Dh is the issue here and clothes won’t fix that. I think I’d spend the money on a good counsellor to work on your confidence.

Agree that mners will help with the clothes so go and post some qs there.

agree that some exercise/ core work might help too.

re eating - start to do some simple swaps. You’re not aiming to loose weight but eat more healthy foods which will help belly fat and might also help mood.

From a sensory perspective, chewing is a very common de stressor. I work with children with send and the OTs often suggest crunchy food or even ice. Always apples. a teaching colleague needs to chew and uses chewing gum. The food industry has designed many foods to be sensory experiences which we crave more of.

I like crunch and will snack on almonds and cashews. And pumpkin seeds too. I adore chocolate so upped it to 70 and then 85 or even 90 to get that hit. (Cadburies is now too sweet.)

instead of crisps, rice cakes or oat cakes with some apple cider vinegar and olive oil.

Try to swap to more low fat protein with high fibre. Both are more filling and help gut bacteria. It’s also thought they can help mood as a result . More fibre helps to balance hormones which may be contributing to belly fat. Ground flax seeds, pumpkin seeds , oats, brown rice, nuts, beans are all really good sources of protein and fibre.

You won’t manage it all at once; just change the odd thing here and there and week you’ll find new habits. eg spend a day reaching for a few almonds and pumpkin seeds instead of what you know is shit. (Obviously not near anyone with allergies!)

(you can grind your own flax seeds in a coffee grinder which is much cheaper. X2 tbs a day is recommended. I put mine on porridge with yogurt. The bonus is that they make your skin nicer!)

Is this some AI bot post? Or chat gpt?
total tosh
she went to a uk department store- return policy for any reason will be generous

Assume
it is John lewis or Selfridges

John Lewis are are loved my Mumsnet and always suggested alongside a spa day
In reality they are typically poor. I see lots of people on them and just want to scream no!
You only have to look at the reviews their stylists post of themselves against certain products to see that many don’t have a clue
The stylists dressed up promos / fake reviews have put me off so many items

Get onto Style and Beauty for help with an outfit, but I think what you really need is to get over to Relationships as that seems to me to be the real issue.

You can find yourself a fabulous outfit and strangers on here will see how lovely you look, but with a husband at home not supporting you the self doubt will creep in. I'm not a style expert but the women I see who look fabulous are the ones with inner confidence, even if I hate what they are actually wearing and their body shape is far from supermodel, I think they look amazing.

Out of interest, do you look at other women and think 'nice dress but look at that awful stomach'? Bet you don't!

This style is flattering if you have a bit of a tummy. Also flowery dresses help to hide a tummy also buy a pair of girl pants to hold tummy in.
look on Vinted for styles.

I’m glad you are getting help here. I was going to ask if you could arrange another trip to the shops when your sister might have time to FaceTime (or zoom) with you to help you choose before you buy.

I'm not entirely surprised by your experience as even the so called fashion experts on TV style shows do some shocking makeovers.

It's a shame your treat was spoiled though and definitely take the items back. I'd even take the dress back as even if it looks the best of a bad bunch, you'll probably always feel negative about it because of the bad experience. Pop over to the style dnd beauty boards on MN for some advice over there.

sounds like to have a dh problem.

you are only size 12-14. you are not fat unless you are only 4 foot tall so what is dh comparing you to others for? he took the kids so you can get a rare break - to make yourself look good in nice clothes that HE will enjoy looking at you in and resolve your loss of confidence HE has caused in the first place by bitching about your figure.

what a prince.

youve birthed four children. of course your body looks different. it’s normal.

take the clothes you hate back. id suggest you get another personal shopper appointment elsewhere - and take your best friend or sister with you so you really know what suits you.

are you a SAHM because if so i’d suggest you consider your options to get out and about more and have a life and confidence. exercise and counselling would help too. if a part time job could be fitted in round school hours and dh does a bit more childcare (maybe pickup and drop off etc) that would help facilitate a gym membership or whatever.

id not be havimg any more babies woth a man that calls me fat after birthing his kid. Four times. I’d not want him near me tbh. He doesn’t sound caring but perhaps im misjudging as i dont have much info, but i’m not the only one thinking hes the problem…

Go and see a GP if you have a large stomach and thin arms and legs etc. I had this and it was a large ovarian cyst. I had people asking if I was pregnant when I wasn't. Get it checked out. An ultrasound can rule out any issues.

How rude you are! I wouldn't have a clue how to use AI to compose my posts.
What compelled you to such an unnecessarily unpleasant response to a mildly written, non controversial posts about consumer rights? Some need in you to belittle someone?
There is nothing I've written that is 'tosh'. Its not clear from the OP whether she has worn the garments as part of trying to become accustomed to them. There is no returns policy I'm aware of that allows for the return of worn garments unless they are faulty.
This is a thread about shopping, I've no interest in engaging in arguments with people spoiling for fights over nothing. So we'll leave that there.

sympathy OP (can’t tag) it’s because body positivity has gone too far In my opinion! people walk round in all sorts nowadays I’m not elderly I’ve literally heard a shop assistant saying “don’t let social media make you think xyz” when a customer has a valid point, so people are wearing items which accentuate what they’d be best downplaying, which is fine if that’s what you want but you don’t and neither do I! honestly if a personal stylist can’t get that then there’s no hope! I remember Trinny and Susannah had a thing about “wear something fitted over tummy so everyone can see it’s not that big” whereas their client wasn’t comfortable doing that, there’s no way I’d do that coz I don’t want to look pregnant (diastasis recti) and lot’s of ladies don’t want to. I agree to return clothes where possible and try again on the style and beauty board.

She sounds pushy and not good. When I saw a stylist at John Lewis she understood both my style and what suited me very well. I only bought two items but I am still wearing them both nearly ten years later. Don't let her or the ill fitting clothes ruin your confidence. Send back what doesn't suit and enjoy the one dress that does work well.

Were you hoping for too much op? They basically just suggest things to wear. It’s not going to solve how you feel about yourself. Would counselling be better?

She says she bought them a few days ago
she has tried them on

apologies but it is a typical and incorrect AI response

You’d probably find the stress eating would reduce if you ditched your dick of a husband…

Return the clothes and I’d honestly also complain to whoever provided the appointment. Just explain you expected to leave with clothes that made you feel more confident but felt pushed into buying ones that don’t even suit your shape.

Think you may like these based on your criteria for your events:

https://www.whistles.com/product/gathered-midi-dress-40822.html

https://www.marksandspencer.com/pure-cotton-pleated-midi-waisted-tea-dress/p/clp60778517?intid=mobile_app_pdp_share

https://www.phase-eight.com/product/francesca-floral-v-neck-midi-dress-100033900024.html

I think you should be a lot kinder to yourself. I’m assuming you had a John Lewis type appointment? In which case, all you’re really getting is the help/opinion of someone whose job is to shift clothes. Nothing wrong with that - in some ways, it’s good to try things that others think look nice that you wouldn’t normally consider. But it’s not like consulting the oracle! It’s just someone else’s opinion and, ultimately, as the person wearing the clothes, yours is more important.

My experience of this was someone trying to persuade me to buy a lot of bright colours and patterns. I prefer a lot of black and navy. She told me it didn’t suit me - but I disagree. I feel much better and more confident in monochrome tones and plain colours. And that’s up to me.

Take the clothes back. Maybe your sister or a friend would come with you one afternoon? I’m sure you could find something you liked better and felt more confident in.

I have really struggled to find my style. What worked for me was finding an influencer on tik tok who has a similar body type to me and whose style I liked, and worked for my needs.

its also affordable stuff.

it sounds like your stylist wasn’t very good at her job. I’m sorry it was so disappointing.

I feel for you OP. It’s a disappointing feeling when you rely on someone’s expertise and then they don’t have the skills you expected.

Like a PP, I have doubts about you returning the clothes but it’s worth a try if perhaps you explain how you came to buy them.

My interest is in the fact that you bought them at all. Did you have doubts at the time or was it when you got home and tried them on? I wonder if you didn’t feel able to say to the stylist that you didn’t like them, or felt that you ought to buy something?

My friend had the same experience at John Lewis. She was looking for a dress for her daughter's wedding and was pushed to buy the most awful, frumpy thing that made her look fat. Honestly, it was almost funny how terrible she looked and she is gorgeous.

Can I push you in the direction of Ghost? I'm the same size as you and I really suit their tea dresses.

I had a poor experience with JL too. I was very excited about being helped to chose a beautiful outfit for a fairly casual lunch with old school friends I hadn’t seen for years. This stylist was also very young and took one look at me and selected a load of very formal things that were the type of stuff you might wear to a professional conference! Don’t worry about it they don’t always get it right.

You say you have mental health issues. Do you take any medication for that? Have you had therapy?

Your DH isn't helping. Maybe tell him after 4 kids he's let himself go and you're disappointed in him. See how he likes it.

Unfortunately a lot of style is self confidence. Until you feel better about yourself as a person it won't really matter as much what you wear.

But look up clothes for apple body shape, I've been fighting it for a while but finally just accepted it and am much happier with how I look!

John Lewis will definitely accept returns. I returned some clothes (also bought during a personal shopper experience). Personal shopping is a bit of pot luck. I've used them twice - first time brilliant, second time not so much. Also went with my DD to one for her and the guy was completely fabulous.

As for your DH, Op, he's not helping is he?

OP you sound like a lovely woman. Please don't be too harsh on yourself, be so to your husband. It sounds he deserves all the criticism and loathing.

Your body has been through a lot. Carrying pregnancies and birthing them weakens your abdominal and pelvic muscles. If it's an issue for you, try some workout videos on YouTube targeting that area to make your muscles stronger and better able to hold in your stomach.

I have a similar body type, there are a few people on Instagram who show you how to dress when you have a "mum tum". Please have a look

I find floaty dresses with an A line cut or wrap dresses suit me well.

Darker more structured high waist trousers and a lighter coloured top also work. I avoid slim line trousers as they emphasize that area.

Please be kind to yourself. Your husband clearly won't. Return the clothes that don't suit, (potentially the husband too)

Please consider speaking to your GP about your self esteem or read some self help books or find something you enjoy. When you feel strong enough, have a chat with your husband about how he makes you feel. Ask for couples therapy if you want to work on your marriage. Life is too short to be put down constantly.

Do please take them all back asap, OP. And if I were you, I’d say something to the management about how disappointed you were with the service. I dare say MN style and beauty boards will prove a lot more helpful!

I did once use a JL personal shopper - needed a dress for a DD’s fairly casual-event wedding. My brief was. Nothing too dressy, fussy, or girly, certainly nothing typically MOTB the day was likely to be hot (in France), sleeves at least elbow length (I was already 67) nothing above the knee, no sweaty synthetic materials.

She came up with precisely nothing, but it wasn’t her fault - there was nothing suitable in the shop - but masses if I’d still been 35 and a size 10-12!

In the end I found something (expensive) online.

I