Partner's ex-wife said I crossed a boundary. AIBU? Please help.

[stclementeee]

Hi,

I've been with my partner for just under 3 years. He has 2 children from his prior marriage. They are 19 and 15. The 19 year old is a boy and the 15 year old is a girl.

The girl was spending the day at her Dad's house and got a splinter under her foot. I'm a surgeon (only saying so because I have a steady hand) and so I offered to remove the splinter from under her foot. I did so - and it was removed without too much hassle. Whole thing took about 90 seconds. She thanked me and was happy.

We carried on with the day.

She went home to her mother's house - and her mother texted my partner saying I had 'crossed a boundary' in removing the splinter from under her daughter's foot. I asked my partner to clarify if the daughter felt I had crossed a boundary - or if the mother did. He clarified that it was only his ex-wife. The daughter was perfectly happy.

I don't have kids of my own - so can please I seek advice/asked if I did indeed cross a boundary...? To be clear, as a Dr, I'm obviously trained in safeguarding etc... I do not touch people without consent!

You removed a splinter.. You didn't give her a nose job. She sounds unhinged.

No ex-wife sounds like a silly fanny. Made a fool of herself

Not only is the ex-wife nuts, she obviously doesn’t care about her own child! What parent would rather their child suffer than be helped by someone qualified to do so. I would have been ok for any adult to sort it, it is a splinter not rocket science.

Can you imagine if you left it and it got infected - she probably would have had something to say then too! Sometimes you can't win.

She is on guard and everything that you do she will exaggerate in her head.

would get your partner to clarify why it’s crossing a boundary and remind her that you’re a DOCTOR and that he may have had to take her to the GP otherwise and waste everyone’s time. So what is the issue with her???

I would be grateful! She’s jealous that you’re a lovely lady!

Ask 'what, how, and why?'

She needs to be more specific because I want to laugh at her.

What you supposed to do?? Tell her to hop home? Never put a plaster on? No alcohol wipe on a cut?

Your posting because it's crazy right? Not because you actually need advice? But incase you do need to be told... you did nothing wrong.

Hi,

Thanks for all your responses. No, there is not more to this story regarding any other bad blood - it really is as simple (and as boring) as that.

To the person asking why my partner even told me about this. My partner didn't outright tell me of his own volition. We were getting into bed later that night and he sighed at his phone and put it down in a harsher fashion than usual. I asked him what was going on - and he told me.

No doubt if you had refused to remove the splinter that would have crossed a line too. You can't win with some people.

She said it was that I 'intervened'. I thought she initially meant that I had touched her daughter's foot (which is where the splinter was). Apparently it wasn't my place to get involved. I thought it was more about 'consent' - which, by the way, I obviously asked for - and the daughter happily obliged. I think it's more of an emotional reaction. My partner told her that I has asked consent - and the ex-wife said that was fine, but regardless - her 'feelings were still valid'.

Insane. Sounds like the mother is sitting on a giant splinter that needs removing

completely batshit.

She must be drowning in a sea of bitterness if she'd rather want her child to be hurt instead of having it sorted quickly and painlessly.

Agree with above, she would have accused you of being abusive if you hadn't done anything.

Good luck with that nutcase, hope she finds a boyfriend soon and leave you in peace

Wild. Really struggling to think of a situation where ti would have been ok for a 15 year old to walk around with a splinter in her foot if there was an adult there who could remove it easily.

This was my first thought..that she is jealous you are so accomplished

Excellent comment.

Wonder why he left her!

Ridiculous (her not you.) You've reminded me that my dad would remove splinters with a Stanley knife and wouldn't have thought twice about helping any of my friends when we were kids (90's). He'd probably get arrested these days 😂

Your partner needs to respond with the following : "Should we refrain from taking the children to the hospital from now on? Because we don't want medical professionals intervening on our children and making their well-being a priority...or, should we continue to take them and you arrange for a specific medic whom you like and is not my partner or has any connection to them, to do the job, or C) We take them, partner will be working at the same hospital, we make sure she doesn't do the job?" 😉 This will call her out for her pettiness and jealousy.

I would also be calling her out for asking you to neglect a child in pain and that putting her own feelings first, is a safeguarding issue.

Her feelings can be valid and be batshit crazy at the same time.

She is being daft! Ignore her.

You did not cross a boundary.

She’s being ridiculous. I’m not a surgeon (and have a bit of aversion to feet!) but it’s something I’d help anyone out with if they were in pain/discomfort.

I’m guessing if you did nothing, the ex’s narrative would have been “I can’t believe you left the girl in pain and didn’t help her”.

Ignore and move on!

Thought it might be something like that. Way past batshit and straight onto ape shit.

She sounds doolally lol 😆

I was thinking the same about gillick competence, if she doesn't have it then I guess an ambulance should have been called?? Probably best to speak to the mum about what she would like to happen in the future. Some people cannot be pleased **