Page 13 | Partner's ex-wife said I crossed a boundary. AIBU? Please help.

Silverbirchleaf · Today 21:09

She should be thanking you for getting the splinter out! You’ve done nothing wrong.

JudgeJ · Today 21:17

Sadworld23 · Today 20:16

Hrft but honestly a medical professional carrying out a first aid procedure, is not overstepping. If it was a 3yr old and the child did not consent, slightly different.

A 3 year old is not capable of giving consent to essential medical treatment, yes I know Gillick etc., they may not like it but the adults who care for them have to make some decisions for their well-being. I hope the OP and her OH are keeping a record of all the batshittery in case she decides to use this incident at a later date for some reason.

nomoremsniceperson · Today 21:21

She has had an emotional reaction. Not a logical one. You didn't do anything wrong, she just finds it hard to deal with the idea of someone taking her place and fixing her DD's little wounds.

Sometimes I think how awful it would be if I split up with DH and he got a new DW and I had to deal with her feeding/bathing/cuddling my kids, comforting them when sick etc. It would be hard. Balanced with feeling happy that they had a loving second home would be all the jealousy.

Her behaviour is wrong and shouldn't be excused, but I guess I can halfway understand why she would react in such a crazy way.

RapunzelHadExtensions · Today 21:26

nomoremsniceperson · Today 21:21

She has had an emotional reaction. Not a logical one. You didn't do anything wrong, she just finds it hard to deal with the idea of someone taking her place and fixing her DD's little wounds.

Sometimes I think how awful it would be if I split up with DH and he got a new DW and I had to deal with her feeding/bathing/cuddling my kids, comforting them when sick etc. It would be hard. Balanced with feeling happy that they had a loving second home would be all the jealousy.

Her behaviour is wrong and shouldn't be excused, but I guess I can halfway understand why she would react in such a crazy way.

I get that to a certain extent but how insecure in your motherhood do you have to be to take issue with this particular incident.

Jenstan21582 · Today 21:27

stclementeee · Yesterday 18:46

Hi,

I've been with my partner for just under 3 years. He has 2 children from his prior marriage. They are 19 and 15. The 19 year old is a boy and the 15 year old is a girl.

The girl was spending the day at her Dad's house and got a splinter under her foot. I'm a surgeon (only saying so because I have a steady hand) and so I offered to remove the splinter from under her foot. I did so - and it was removed without too much hassle. Whole thing took about 90 seconds. She thanked me and was happy.

We carried on with the day.

She went home to her mother's house - and her mother texted my partner saying I had 'crossed a boundary' in removing the splinter from under her daughter's foot. I asked my partner to clarify if the daughter felt I had crossed a boundary - or if the mother did. He clarified that it was only his ex-wife. The daughter was perfectly happy.

I don't have kids of my own - so can please I seek advice/asked if I did indeed cross a boundary...? To be clear, as a Dr, I'm obviously trained in safeguarding etc... I do not touch people without consent!

Sounds like said 'mother' is really rather odd!! If it were any of my kids,weather I got on with the other partners or not,I'd really hope they'd step in & help!!
PLEASE,do not beat yourself up over it!! You were just doing right by the children! Sounds like she'd rather her kid got an infection from the splinter than let anyone else remove it,100% a bitter ex!!
Weather you have your own kids or not,it sounds to me (& everyone else),that your great with them,she should be thankful!! ❤️❤️

catcatcat24 · Today 21:39

Seriously12 · Yesterday 18:52

Batshit.
Is he entertaining this?
Huge red flag if he is.

Be very very careful OP of his Ex.
She could make a ridiculous allegation against you that could cause you huge grief.

Huge red flag.
Protect yourself.

My first thought, too. Carefully consider if this relationship is worth it.

Mamagill67 · Today 21:40

Sadly the right thing is always the wrong thing to some people. My husband’s ex wife would put her kids in harm’s way if she could get one over on me and tell the world what a terrible person I am. Used to bug me now I cba with it all. You did good and the girl was happy - that’s all that matters

nomoremsniceperson · Today 21:41

RapunzelHadExtensions · Today 21:26

I get that to a certain extent but how insecure in your motherhood do you have to be to take issue with this particular incident.

Show quote history

Yes, I agree. The ex wife does sound deeply insecure and is probably not mentally well.

pinkstripeycat · Today 21:44

Terfedout · Yesterday 21:08

You are a surgeon, therefore I assume that you are a highly intelligent individual. You do not need to come on here for validation that you are correct on this point.

You are absolutely fine to do what you did. 😊 don't worry! She is clearly an idiot.

I thought the same. As a person who is nowhere near this intelligent, I’d have just ignored the text and thought no more about it. Wouldn’t care if she thought I’d crossed the line. Any person, no matter what the relationship to the child or their parent, would be perfectly fine to remove the splinter with the child’s agreement.

MrsKeats · Today 21:53

The ex is jealous of how accomplished you are is my guess.

MsAmerica · Today 22:09

stclementeee · Yesterday 18:46

Hi,

I've been with my partner for just under 3 years. He has 2 children from his prior marriage. They are 19 and 15. The 19 year old is a boy and the 15 year old is a girl.

The girl was spending the day at her Dad's house and got a splinter under her foot. I'm a surgeon (only saying so because I have a steady hand) and so I offered to remove the splinter from under her foot. I did so - and it was removed without too much hassle. Whole thing took about 90 seconds. She thanked me and was happy.

We carried on with the day.

She went home to her mother's house - and her mother texted my partner saying I had 'crossed a boundary' in removing the splinter from under her daughter's foot. I asked my partner to clarify if the daughter felt I had crossed a boundary - or if the mother did. He clarified that it was only his ex-wife. The daughter was perfectly happy.

I don't have kids of my own - so can please I seek advice/asked if I did indeed cross a boundary...? To be clear, as a Dr, I'm obviously trained in safeguarding etc... I do not touch people without consent!

The more interesting question to me is, Did your partner staunchly defend you?

Too bad he didn't say something like: All right, sorry you're upset over a professional doctor attending to DD, but next time we'll let her suffer until you come over to pick her up.

EdithBond · Today 22:28

I can’t see what boundary could’ve been crossed.

A 15yo doesn’t need a parent to tell the other parent who can take a splinter out for them. 15yos with separated parents can choose how much time they spend with each parent. They can give consent to people touching them - and the mum acknowledged OP sought consent.

OP being a surgeon irrelevant. And quite outing.

Can only assume the ex resents OP. How long ago did the marriage end?