Partner's ex-wife said I crossed a boundary. AIBU? Please help.

[stclementeee]

Hi,

I've been with my partner for just under 3 years. He has 2 children from his prior marriage. They are 19 and 15. The 19 year old is a boy and the 15 year old is a girl.

The girl was spending the day at her Dad's house and got a splinter under her foot. I'm a surgeon (only saying so because I have a steady hand) and so I offered to remove the splinter from under her foot. I did so - and it was removed without too much hassle. Whole thing took about 90 seconds. She thanked me and was happy.

We carried on with the day.

She went home to her mother's house - and her mother texted my partner saying I had 'crossed a boundary' in removing the splinter from under her daughter's foot. I asked my partner to clarify if the daughter felt I had crossed a boundary - or if the mother did. He clarified that it was only his ex-wife. The daughter was perfectly happy.

I don't have kids of my own - so can please I seek advice/asked if I did indeed cross a boundary...? To be clear, as a Dr, I'm obviously trained in safeguarding etc... I do not touch people without consent!

No, that is very strange. She’s plenty old enough to decide and also to understand that it’s more important and less painful for the splinter to be removed quickly. I remember as a child a friends mother removed a splinter I got. I was much younger than your daughter.

@stclementeee she is batshit. You did nothing wrong. Your SDD is 15 and gave consent. Even if you weren’t a surgeon it was a splinter. School nurses remove these from kids. Do they overstep boundaries. FFS. I suspect she maybe one of those!

If I was your partner then my reply to her would have been “Stop acting like a dramatic nut job. She removed a splinter from a teenager who consented. Absolutely no lines were crossed, and you need to get used to X having my partner in her life.”

I’m a single mum, my ex has the kids every other weekend and he lives with his girlfriend. I wouldn’t give a flying fuck about this if his girlfriend didn’t. She sounds like an absolute nut job.

Ex wife is bat shit. She would rather her daughter be uncomfortable rather than an actual doctor deal with it? Ignore her.

1. you don’t know what the 15 year old said to her
2. obviously what you did was fine, don’t sweat it, tbh ignore it and leave your partner to sort it.

Of course you haven't crossed a boundary. The mother has by suggesting the daughter doesn't have autonomy of her own splinter riddled body part!

The mother sounds deranged. You were supposed to leave the girl to suffer? I’m not medically trained ar all, but I pulled a splinter out of a delivery man’s hand with my eyebrow tweezers when he had a nasty incident with a box. It’s just a normal thing to offer to help someone with as it’s awfully difficult to do it yourself. Very odd indeed - especially as the girl is old enough to say for herself.

Are you a Dr or a surgeon?

Either way she is being unreasonable, it's a splinter fgs and your 15yr old step daughter ok'd it, she should thank you instead of this nonsense.

You are a surgeon, so you know about Gillick competency. Presumably she was so husband should tell ex to get lost. Kid was in Dad’s care anyway. Mother is just looking to have a go, does not bode well and needs stamping out now

You didn’t do anything wrong here

Did she clarify, specifically what line was crossed? You offering first aid? You touching her?

Absurd. She is old enough to consent without he mothers daft opinion.

He needs to text her back and ask what this imaginary boundary is. And whether she would have preferred her daughter - who fully consented to your support - to remain in pain.

@stclementeee Some people are insane, you don't need us to tell you that this is completely ridiculous, it won't have been the first time in three years that she's come out with some nonsense I guarantee.

Batshit.
Is he entertaining this?
Huge red flag if he is.

Be very very careful OP of his Ex.
She could make a ridiculous allegation against you that could cause you huge grief.

Huge red flag.
Protect yourself.

This with bells on.

That’s batshit. But sorry so is the fact you not only have to ask your partner but mumsnet.

She’s just spoiling for a fight or something to pick at. If you’d sent her home with the splinter it would have been “can’t believe you sent her home thought you were a dr”. Ignore!

You did absolutely nothing wrong, but I'm a GP and had a very similar issue with my husband's ex-wife. DM me if you want me to try to add you to the PMGUK stepmums' group, if you're not already in there.

She’s bonkers. Presumably she’d prefer it to fester and go septic.

Clearly you are overqualified to remove a splinter, as others have said daughter is 15, was perfectly OK to have it removed and yes the mother is a nut job!

This !

Stupid and deranged.

The End.

She’s being ridiculous. You helped her daughter remove a painful splinter from an innocuous part of her body.

She’s being ridiculous, I would have been happy there was a surgeon at hand if it was one of my kids

She obviously just doesn’t like you! It’s a foot ffs! Not like it was removed from her bum!