Dd’s teacher suggesting I sit in on the lesson so Dd remembers what to do

[Stopwiththeicecreamsnow]

Dd recently started a new music lesson. She really enjoyed it at first, but has been struggling recently with understanding/remembering what to do for her homework.
She’s bright and motivated usually, but not keen to do this practice homework each week.
The teacher is very nice. I said to her that Dd had made a great effort but struggled to know what to do. She said they would work on it and maybe I could sit in on the lesson so I can remember what she needs to do too.
I’m ok to do this, but wondering if this is the right approach and think she probably just needs to go more slowly with Dd so she understands? I’m also worried I may not remember myself as I have so much to remember in my life already 😂
During her lesson, I generally use that time to sit in my car and catch up on work emails etc.

I was trying to answer your question.

what's the point?

Yes, I think music is part of a comprehensive education. Why do you find that snobby?

The mother wants her child to be a musician regardless of what the child wants.

I dont think the mother wants her child to be a musician. Where did you get that from?

I decided what was best for my 7 year old. Dont we all do that??

I would jump at the occasion to sit in with my grandchild - it was never offered when my children were young but I would've done it too. It was only in sportsclasses, when my children did judo that parents were allowed in the dojo (but not on the tatami) and I remember it was very usefull : I often took notes so they could memorize certain judo related vocabulary later at home.

Piano is a bit ‘do or do not there is no try.’ Casual would be choir or rock steady band at school

I've been sitting in on my DD's lessons for years. Notes wouldn't help as you have to see how the hand should be positioned, how fingers should work separately or together and a million more things that you need to try and replicate practising between lessons. A 7yo child is simply too young to remember or even understand all these nuances. A parent should also supervise home practice and give corrections, otherwise music lessons are a waste of time and money.

@Jopo12I think you could make your notes a lot more interesting than “Practise this piece 3 times” and “Play this for fun”

Research proves that youngsters who learn musical instruments do better academically, so definitely worth keeping going if you can!

i was one of those children growing up who struggled with practice. Apparently (so my mom tells me now) I went through several quite extended periods (one of around 18 months) where I ‘hated’ music, the lessons and the teacher and my mom had to make me practice. It hasn’t had any lasting negative effects on me and I am eternally grateful as an adult for the fact that she didn’t let me give up, as music as a paid hobby is an extremely important part of my life, has allowed me to travel and perform across the world in some incredible places, given me an amazing circle of friends and is the thing that is always there when life becomes a challenge. Interestingly, she had let my older sister give up (she wishes she hadn’t) and my sister now regrets the fact that she didn’t continue. Just to point out, I’m not an exceptional player, I’m more ‘ok’!

Music taught me far more than playing an instrument - it taught me about discipline, commitment, structure, resilience, the ability to keep going and work through problems even when it’s hard, and much more. I appreciate it isn’t for everyone but I would be working with the teacher to explore ways to support her through the challenges to reignite the enjoyment before anything else.

7 is definitely not too young, if anything it's a touch on the late side.

As a parent of musicians I always say to people you have to view the first couple of years of instrumental lessons as almost akin to learning to read in school - you the parent do 80-90% of the work at home with the child listening to them read every day.

OP if you look online you will be able to find a diagram with the keys of the piano and above it a diagram of a music stave with the notes showing the letters of each note (ABCDEFG) with them also marked on the diagram of the piano keyboard to show you which note on the music corresponds to which key on the piano. If she's only just started she is probably only playing the 5 or 6 notes around middle C and if you look it up online you will literally be able to teach yourself this in just a few minutes as an adult, and you'll then be able to help her. It's probably that in the lesson when she can't remember which key is middle C on the piano her teacher reminds her - get a bit of masking tape and stick it on the middle C note on whatever DD is practicing on at home - just look up online how to find middle C.

You will almost certainly need to support her to do a few mins practice 4 or 5 times a week the first few months.

You might also find her beginner piano book will have these sorts of diagrams in it of the piano keyboard and the different notes - have you looked in the book to try and understand?

She needs to practise as soon as she's home then every day. Otherwise she will forget. Practising once a week just doesn't work.

Just stop the lessons, sounds like neither of you really want to do it. You’re too busy and she isn’t interested. There’s nothing wrong with that! Do a different activity for her instead and then try an instrument again in a couple of years.

I think it’s a great idea. I’m not one of these people that thinks that children or even teenagers should be left to figure everything out on their own. It won’t necessarily be something you always have to do, but it can be a Support bridge to help build a structure so that she learns how to structure her practice work at home and remember. Right now it may not be that the issue with her progress is not her ability but just the executive function to take in what’s expected in required over practice time

Yes, I understand. It’s a useful time for you to do other things, but this is what parenting is isn’t it? I don’t mean that in a harsh way I genuinely think people forget that different children have different needs and if what your child needs is help with this aspect then just give that help for now

I have to take notes and then when you get home format those notes into a child friendly format. And give her those Sit with her initially and go through them Whilst she practices. And the Net progress into just giving her the notes and leaving her to do that herself and then eventually she may not need notes or you even there

i used to sit in on my DC music lessons (guitar) at that age. I would’ve thought it was pretty standard.

Speaking from experience, there is no bigger money pit than music lessons for a kid that isn't passionate about their instrument.

Find an instrument that she loves or a different hobby entirely.

We spent a fortune on one to one weekly clarinet lessons that he never practiced, then he joined a brass band for 50p a week and became very proficient on french horn in no time.

Yes, we all do what's best for our children. For me, that meant supporting them. If they wanted to take up a hobby that was ok. If they lost interest in a hobby that was ok too.
I sat through hours and hours of kickboxing lessons. In that instance , parents sat in a waiting room and watched the lessons on cctv. It was really interesting to note those who were disengaged and the ones who were messing around.
OPs child doesn't appear to be passionate about music. That's ok too.
OP wants the kid to do music for some undefined reason. Op is not willing to support child by sitting in the lessons because she is too busy on her phone earning money to pay for lessons which she doesn't understand or support. That strikes me as pretty stupid. And not ok.
I understand kids wanting to learn music. I understand them losing interest.
I understand musical parents encouraging their kids. I don't understand non musical parents wanting their kids to learn an instrument but not supporting them.
The child should have the opportunity to learn an instrument at school. That will do.

If she’s following a book you can often find YouTube videos. My son is 8 and his piano teacher is using John Thomson books, there’s a guy on YouTube who has produced videos for all of the pieces in the book broken down really slow, he does other books as well (Faber is one I remember). Maybe try that…. He also has a little book where he can tick the days he’s practiced, even if it’s five mins and then lots of praise always helps.

Music teacher here: this isn't unusual with someone of your daughter's age. I agree with the teacher: sit in on one or two lessons just to get an idea, or, maybe record one on your phone? Also, when you say 'homework', is that written theory work or practising the instrument (or both)?

@HarshbutTrue2 we don’t know whether OP’s DD is passionate about music or not. Not wanting to practice at 7 doesn’t mean she isn’t passionate about music or won’t become passionate a bit later.

OP hasnt said that she won’t support her DD - she’s asking whether it’s normal to sit in on lessons.

i had to sit in ds cello lessons at aged 10
i was lucky i could

If you feel under pressure and find it difficult to understand no wonder your 7 year old feels the same way? Maybe sit in the lesson and see if it helps , change your music teacher, or stop the music lessons if your child has little interest .

Well if you can't how on Earth do you expect your 7yo to? Sounds like you are choosing incompetence rather like some men doing the laundry. Surely if you witness your child actioning the instructions in the lesson, you will be able to prompt her to repeat the same thing at home.

There is also the point that music in particular and creative arts in general have been diminished greatly in schools. I have no trouble believing many children leave school unable to read music just as they leave unable to swim despite technically having a course of lessons (as part of a large group in year 6). Over the last 15 years the schools and the borough have struggled to keep music services alive. If schools actually offered the kind of music services the pp alludes to things might be different but they cannot.

Like any other skill it needs practice and we judge for our children if its a skill they should persist with. It always easier for us to just say “ok lets stop” but that isn’t our job or children would never learn anything through the hard parts.

The OP wants her child to have music lessons, it may turn out that piano isn’t the preferred option for her child but the idea that its somehow snobby to foster skill and a love for music is just nonsense. Good on the OP for wanting to give her DD the chance to grow a love of music and the skills to practice music. Although perhaps some of that school music time the PP alludes to might have been better off utilising the fine art of paragraphs.

The OP has already said she will do this, she plainly wasn’t confident in the subject herself and asked about it. Its a common ask from parents who did not have the opportunity to learn themselves.

Anyone would think she had been asking if she should commit murder from some of the responses.

I feel too young to be on their own with someone you don’t know well.