Dd’s teacher suggesting I sit in on the lesson so Dd remembers what to do

[Stopwiththeicecreamsnow]

Dd recently started a new music lesson. She really enjoyed it at first, but has been struggling recently with understanding/remembering what to do for her homework.
She’s bright and motivated usually, but not keen to do this practice homework each week.
The teacher is very nice. I said to her that Dd had made a great effort but struggled to know what to do. She said they would work on it and maybe I could sit in on the lesson so I can remember what she needs to do too.
I’m ok to do this, but wondering if this is the right approach and think she probably just needs to go more slowly with Dd so she understands? I’m also worried I may not remember myself as I have so much to remember in my life already 😂
During her lesson, I generally use that time to sit in my car and catch up on work emails etc.

@Stopwiththeicecreamsnow
Can you give an example of something written in the notebook which your daughter doesn't understand please?
Someone could help you with it and also it might give an indication of whether the teacher is overestimateimg what a 7 year old should understand or whether it's quite clear and it's perhaps reluctance from your child to practise.

Its a really good age to start learning. If she moves to a different instrument, piano will be a great foundation.

Its like learning to read. At first they need to read with you after school, get things wrong repeatedly, have lots of encouragement.

Then, gradually they become more independent.

Its a great idea to attend her lessons for now. I doubt it will be forever.

Imo, a year is the minimum to try it.

Learning to practice instruments effectively takes time. As I young child I found it tedious and boring, I probably didn’t take practice seriously until my early teens. My 12yo is learning drums which is luckily an instrument I can play so we practice together lots at home but I think it would be really difficult if he didn’t have me to support him, help him understand the timing, notation etc. If he didn’t have me I don’t think he’d have a clue what to do if I’m honest apart from play the stuff he already has nailed down. I used to have specific songs to work on and i would listen to these on cd and then work my way through the song. Can she read music competently? Is she doing music theory along with practical as I honestly think you do need both.

I attend all DS’s lessons with him, I’m not sure if the approach would be different if I wasn’t a drummer but it’s certainly very much left to me to help him at home.

One of my children does an instrument with a teacher who's from a different cultural background, and she said the expectation here for children to practise independently is unrealistic and that parents need to sit with them through the younger years, so that's what we did. I sit with her for lessons and practice. I do read music, but it's not an instrument I've learned, so the teacher used to spend some time showing me what my child needed to do and how to practise it, and making me have a go! We don't have a written notebook. It works well for us.

I also think the piano can be a bit deceptive as the very early books give some instant gratification. It then gets hard as there is so much to learn. I’ve sort of learnt the hard way at that age they really need to be doing regular, short practice to progress. However, I also think it’s really good for them to see that for some things they have to put some effort and work in. Not everything they do will be easy and I’ve found out of all the activities we’ve done, it’s been music that has been best for building resilience and work ethic.

7 is a good and typical age to start because (barring SEN), 7yos can read (words) by then and have developed the necessary physical coordination to play most instruments, and have the ability to concentrate through a 20-30 minute lesson. 1 hour would absolutely be too long for nearly all kids this age but no teacher with any experience at all would suggest a 1 hour lesson - I’m sure the OP’s DD does 20-30 mins.

At 7 practice can be 10-15 mins per day but anything is better than nothing and 5 mins daily is better than 15 mins twice a week - the key is little and often and establishing a routine.

I think it’s hard when you don’t understand the instrument as a parent. That was me. My kids learned piano and I don’t play. Just tell the teacher this so she can adapt the lesson to easier. Progress will probably be slower than with a piano playing parent but it is possible!

if you are very keen and have the money you could employ a local student to help with practice?

That’s an interesting idea. It’s something my dd could do well as kids tend to like her as she can be a bit silly

my dd started piano at 4 and my ds had been playing violin for a couple of years so he helped her more than me tbh!

My question about whose idea these lessons are still hasn't been answered.
Was daughter pestering for piano lessons? Or did mum think it would be a good idea? If so, why?
I was pestered for all of the extra curricular activities ( hockey boots and stick were another expense). Eventually the interest waned.
What is the point of these lessons? When does mum envisage them ending? Will daughter be doing gcse music? What's the plan?
Extra curricular activities should be fun with achievable aims.
Just remembered, I did sixth form with someone who did A level music. She played several instruments. She drove us all potty playing the piano in the common room. She played for hours. She loved it.
If daughter doesn't want to play for a lot of her free time, she is not interested.
Ask her if she wants to continue with the piano? If she wants to take a break and come back to it?

It’s a delicate balance though. My parents always let me give things up when I was fed up and in hindsight I wish they had made me persevere when things got a bit hard.

Yes it is a delicate balance.

We didn't always make ours see out the term, but they were quite biddable and conscientious children who did a fair bit of perseverance and pushing through in the phase before they actually decided to quit. For them I think it was better to say fine, you've done enough, let's just stop putting all of us through this.

I'm afraid I don't really know the difference.

I know the representation of the notes on the scale and how that corresponds to the keyboard but it would take me so long to work it out that it would be unlikely to be of any avail in helping a child practicing a piece. Fortunately my daughters' piano teachers gave clear instructions that they could remember/written in a notebook and were based on the books we bought and used in the lessons so there was nothing which needed interpretation.

I'm not musical at all. So my son's guitar teacher calls me in at the end of the lesson to video what he needs to practice

The thing is, most people need to get to a level of proficiency before they can start to enjoy playing an instrument, so it’s not so simple or straightforward as “if she doesn’t want to play for a lot of her free time, she’s not interested”, when talking about a 7 year old beginner. A sixth former is totally different.

For most children, they do need to be supported and encouraged for a relatively sustained period - maybe 6 months to a year - of regular practice before you and they can really know whether they enjoy it or not. As a pp said, it’s similar to learning to read. Not many 4 year olds adore stumbling through Biff, Chip and Kipper, but that doesnt mean they won’t adore literature once they can access it.

What is the point?

Some of us consider music to be an important part of education. I don't think my children will be musicians any more than I think they'll be historians or geographers. But I still value a broad, rich education.

From their point of view, the social aspect of playing instruments will be their highlight.

It also helps develop determination, patience and confidence.

You consider it to be extra curricular. No extra curricular is fun all the time. Nothing worth learning is.

And they'll never be concert pianists, but that's ok.

Considering that music is 'an important part of education' there's an awful lot of parents on here who can't read music. What on earth were they doing at school? I could read music before I left primary. I played a couple of instruments at grammar. I lost interest and didn't take O level music.
Rather a snobby comment about music being an important part of a broad education. It is taught in all schools, as is art and design technology.
My friend who did A level music was a gifted musician from an early age. She played several instruments and loved music. The teenagers who I now know who do music absolutely love it. They are forever practising. There is only one who is dragged along to lessons every week by their parent.
There are no extra curricular activities which are fun all the time. Just ask the kid who didn't get selected for the school hockey/football/rugby/cricket/netball/ cross-country/swimming team. The girl who didn't move up a class in ballet. The kid who fell off their horse and broke their arm. The kid who has to empty the chemical toilets on Duke of Edinburgh Award. Those activities are character building too.
However, it seems that the child in question did not beg to learn the piano. The mum will not answer why the child was enrolled in music lessons. I'm guessing that the mother is trying to live vicariously through her child. (Not many like that on mn) The mother wants her child to be a musician regardless of what the child wants.
It is possible that the teacher wants the mother to see how disinterested the child is. However, mum is too busy on her phone, can't even spend 30 minutes sitting in a music lesson. Then gives the child an earful along the lines of.. look how hard I work for you.. look at all the advantages you've had in life... you're so lucky to be learning the piano..I wish I'd had the opportunities you've had.
I've seen it all before.

@HarshbutTrue2 you seem to be projecting massively here and your post is very confused. What point are you trying to make?

A parent doesn’t have to read music for a child to have music lessons. Music teaching in schools is sadly terrible these days and 1-1 (or small group initially) lessons are needed to learn any instrument properly.

OP hasnt said why her DD started the piano but she’s said absolutely nothing to suggest that she’s trying to live vicariously through her child?

By teen years yes, the kids should be able to practice themselves and decide whether they want to continue, but that’s a different proposition to a 7yo for reasons already explained.

As for your flight of fancy about the OP giving her DD “an earful along the lines of.. look how hard I work for you.. look at all the advantages you've had in life... you're so lucky to be learning the piano..I wish I'd had the opportunities you've had” - are you ok???

Piano teacher here. I find if children do the practice really soon after the lesson then it helps a lot, like the next day, they usually become confused if they leave it 3+ days and then have forgotten it all. Try that, if not the teacher will need to video the songs as it could be your DD isn’t reading the music but copying the teacher in the lesson then can’t play it without the teacher modelling

When I took music lessons as a kid we were required to bring a notebook for the teacher to write our homework in, what to practise, what scales to work on etc.
Don't tell me nobody does that anymore?!

FWIW I used to sit in on my son's cello lessons from when he started at age five until he was about 11. I would be the one to take notes. In this way the teacher was able to whizz through far more work with him than if she had had to take time out to write notes herself. I also sat and practised with him until he was old enough to use my notes without help from me. Admittedly I am a musician, but I play the violin and viola which is a very different technique from the cello. It really helped. He passed grade 8 with distinction at age 11 then went to a specialist music school at 13. He's in his 30s now and a far better musician than I could ever have dreamed of being. He is making a very successful career both teaching and playing.
It worked for him.

I wonder what scope there is for learning an instrument to be very casual without too much practicing outside of lessons. Can it just be a hobby for her rather than something taking up lots of time?

So, you need to sit in for at least one lesson, see how the lesson progresses and see what happens, hear the teacher give the notes for homework and then read the notebook and check with the teacher that YOU know what it means. You should only need to do this a couple of times.
Then it's up to you to set the daily practice time for your daughter.
NOONE likes doing their piano practice, almost every child makes excuses.

When my DC was starting lessons (age 6/7) we used,deliberately, to get her ready for the school run about 15-20minutes too early. Then, acting all surprised, say: "Oh, you're all ready but I'm not ready / Daddy's not ready yet, we've got to .. xyz, you may as well pop to the piano and get your practice done". Worked like a charm. We had no screens at all on in the morning. So it was pretty easy. Try that .

If you don’t practice outside of lessons then progress will be glacially slow, the whole thing will be pretty boring, and it will be ages before you get to do the fun stuff like playing great pieces and making music with others. It’s only rewarding as a hobby if you put the work in. It doesn’t have to be loads of practice - 5-10 mins a day is enough - but there’s really no point without it.

We used to practise before school too! They were much more alert and receptive to suggestions.

To the poster who claims that music teaching in schools is dire, come & visit my lessons. I had year 7s who started in September never having done any music in their primary school (despite it being an OFSTED requirement) who are now playing simple pieces on the keyboard with 2 hands and composing 16-bar pieces notated correctly. Yes, I have bright and motivated students, but this is a state school with limited resources. We’re not all crap!

I wouldn’t do this. You may as well learn the instrument yourself if you’re going to be attending the lessons