How awful was this parenting failure? Be honest

[Rubbishmymm]

I am feeling physically sick after something that happened today and I can’t stop thinking about it.

My child (3) was extremely (understated) excited to meet cousin at an adventure park today. Been talking about it all weekend and this morning all excited getting dressed etc.

The topic referred to below is hugely sensitive to me for context and very raw.

Anyway, when I met my sister and pulled up on the car park, my toddler is beyond happy, waving and desperate to get out of the car. As I pull up my sister pulls down her window and briefly mentions something relating to wider family (who were also meeting us there). It was a massively sensitive topic for me and I asked her to leave it for now but she didn’t. I could feel myself just feeling cross and exhausted after driving a reasonably far way and I just snapped and said I can’t deal with this I’m just going to go home. Toddler’s face absolutely crumbled and was clearly confused and sister then she was sorry and she didn’t mean to mention the topic and we can talk about it later. I said ok and then we all got out of the cars.

Toddler seemed to have a good day but I keep replaying the moment of disappointment and sadness they must have felt. I feel utterly terrible. I guess in posting I’m hoping for some words of comfort even though I know I don’t deserve them. I’m a single parent so nobody here to discuss this with tonight.

Your sister sounds like a dick

Good day had by toddler. Absolutely no ill effects. You are a good mum

So… nothing happened?

But you need to learn to control your knee jerk reactions because it’s really shitty for kids to have a parent who will say “that’s it, we’re leaving” when nothing has happened, but then decide to stay because they’ll never know if they can trust what you’re saying, they’ll never be sure about days out or promises etc. So, you need to control that. Have a conversation with your sister instead of snapping. Can’t really say much more because we don’t know if you’re the problem in the situation or if the wider family is, if you’re sister was trying to help or trying to stir, or if she doesn’t see why it’s such a big deal so feels it should be talked about (and she might be right or wrong about that).

Did she realise it was a sensitive topic casually mentioning it as the window was wound down?? Sounds like it was an off the cuff remark
what was so awful that made you feel like this?

Hmm. I’m not sure. Why is it sensitive to you and why wouldn’t your sister leave it?

Sounds a non event, Op.

No she doesn't ...it really depends on context

Your toddler won’t even remember it.

I guess the topic and the context with it are somewhat irrelevant as ultimately I just feel shit that toddler had a moment where they thought their day was going to be ruined

It all sounds like a huge drama over absolutely nothing.

No she doesn't.

It's a non-event. A blip. You all had a good day. Sister was potentially a bit insensitive but she dropped it the minute you said to. You are massively overthinking this. Your child is three, it's very unlikely she will remember anything about it next week, let alone into her future years.

I think if you actually had gone that would have been pretty bad. As you didn’t, I think this is pretty minor in the grand scheme. Not a major event, move on. Toddler had nice day - yay.

They are relevant because they determine if your extreme reaction as understandable or if you’re overly dramatic. Either way, you need to control that in front of your kids.

It’s totally fine this time - nothing bad happened and your toddler had a great day. Don’t worry about it. Just watch it for the future, you don’t want to be the parent who drags their kid out because of some perceived slight.

Honestly she will have lots of those moments growing up - it's called disappointment, we all have it. And sometimes over the silliest of things! And in the end her day wasn't ruined, so ruminating over it is doing more damage than the incident itself which was over in seconds and didn't leave a lasting impact.

Sister didn't leave it when she was asked to

Dick move

That was bad. Don’t do it again. Your toddler depends on you to be consistent and not threaten to take away fun things on a whim when they haven’t done anything wrong. You need to manage your emotions better and be firm with your sister without snapping.

You're probably exhausted because you're seriously overreacting. Please don't say you think he'll be traumatised.

But the point is that their day wasn't ruined, they had a great day. This isn't any kind of parenting failure.

It is ridiculously hot today, nobody is feeling themselves after nights of not sleeping well in the heat, tempers fray more easily, don't give yourself such a hard time.

Yes, toddlers can be utterly distraught because a biscuit breaks in half, they won't remember every single time they are upset.

As long as you are not frequently changing your mind about things, as people have mentioned, it's a non issue. Seeing as this has stuck in your mind it sounds like this isn't a frequent occurrence though.

Depends on the subject.

Bloody hell. Last time I checked parents were still humans.

I have done this before when I'm really struggling. I think if you'd actually gone home, that would have been more of a thing. But it sounds like there was just a moment and then you had the day there, right? So you're feeling bad about one moment, not a whole ruined day. When I've done this, I've tried to explain to my kids that I was feeling overwhelmed, it all got a bit much and I'm sorry I said something I didn't mean. I think so long as it doesn't become a regular thing, it's actually not bad because it helps them to see that parents make mistakes and how we apologise and repair is what matters, not trying to be perfect. My kids are a bit older but even with a toddler, I think it's fine to say sorry. You obviously care so much because it's really upset you and you're finding it hard to put it in perspective. I'm sorry you had such a tough day. Try and be gentle with yourself, you are doing a great job. As a single parent it's bloody hard to be the one person holding it together all the time. Of course we're always trying to do our best but it doesn't mean you can never ever get it wrong.

Nothing to worry about here..It's fine

How ridiculous
Of you’d actually turned round and gone home then you would have been terrible however you didn’t and toddler had a great time. Stop stressing