How awful was this parenting failure? Be honest

[Rubbishmymm]

I am feeling physically sick after something that happened today and I can’t stop thinking about it.

My child (3) was extremely (understated) excited to meet cousin at an adventure park today. Been talking about it all weekend and this morning all excited getting dressed etc.

The topic referred to below is hugely sensitive to me for context and very raw.

Anyway, when I met my sister and pulled up on the car park, my toddler is beyond happy, waving and desperate to get out of the car. As I pull up my sister pulls down her window and briefly mentions something relating to wider family (who were also meeting us there). It was a massively sensitive topic for me and I asked her to leave it for now but she didn’t. I could feel myself just feeling cross and exhausted after driving a reasonably far way and I just snapped and said I can’t deal with this I’m just going to go home. Toddler’s face absolutely crumbled and was clearly confused and sister then she was sorry and she didn’t mean to mention the topic and we can talk about it later. I said ok and then we all got out of the cars.

Toddler seemed to have a good day but I keep replaying the moment of disappointment and sadness they must have felt. I feel utterly terrible. I guess in posting I’m hoping for some words of comfort even though I know I don’t deserve them. I’m a single parent so nobody here to discuss this with tonight.

Because op didn't mean it and just said it in the heat of the moment. The child clearly took it literally where an adult would likely have known that it was more of an idle threat.

This. How can such a little child work out that her mother is talking BS. And who knows? Maybe she really would have flounced home.
Poor kid.

That's how children learn?! Over protect at your peril. If you as a mother try not to make any mistake ever or try to make sure your child never feels disappointment then you are raising an entitlement monster. Feelings are survivable especially brief temporary ones.

Sorry, but saying ‘we’re going home’ right before an activity that the child has looked forward to and chatted about all weekend when she isn’t being naughty and is at no fault at all, is just plain cruel.

What did the kid learn here?

Life happens
Even "knee jerk" reactions
Was the sister baiting you calling out the window.
Children will sometimes see us react and lose it...so what we are human.
Next time.you go leave earlier and meet them inside already distracted.

That people are human and they sometimes say things in stress and anger? That humans upset each other sometimes? That the child can survive disappointment and upset? That mum is human and not perfect? That other people are not just there to serve the child's needs all the time? Take your pick!

Cruelty implies intent to hurt the child. That simply wasn't present in this case.

No, none of those are applicable when you’re talking about a three year old.
They learned that Mum will sometimes arbitrarily throw her toys out of the pram and threaten to ruin the nice day you’ve been promised, for no reason that makes any sense to you.

So we've had 'knee jerk reaction', we've had 'over dramatic' to name but few.

How can anyone determine these things if they don't know the back story?

The subject that pushed OP could have been about anything at all. I can't bear to see people judging. She wasn't asking about how she responded to her sister's (hope I've got that right) statement, she asked about how it reflected on her DD.

As for the day out, I'm glad it went well OP. None of us are perfect and we all have our moments. Enjoy the sunshine. 🌟

It was hot, you were tired after a long journey, your sister was insensitive and you snapped.
We all have.
Forgive yourself and forgive your sister.
Then both of you need to try to prevent it happening again.

The toddler won't remember it in a few days.
They don't have that kind of memory.
It's hard being on your own.
Be kind to yourself but I'd have a word with your sister and plan a time to talk properly.

I disagree. Life will be full of these situations. It’s not big enough (even for a child) to do a postmortem on it. If the child mentions it, then yes.

You saw your daughter was upset and you put her first. If a child never has to feel any kind of disappointment ever how tragic will life be when things don’t always go as planned. It happens. So don’t beat yourself up, you put her first and I’m sure it forgotten about.

I'm sorry, @katepilar , but one singular instance at the age of three of a complete non-event is not going to have such a response. I feel like you're assuming this is a pattern that the OP is perpetuating, which I agree, would absolutely lead to confusion.

Once? No, it does not.

Sounds like you handled it fine, you said you would leave, sister dropped it, toddler had a good day. Give yourself a break, youre human, you reacted but you pulled yourself together and got on with the day. In an ideal world we would all react perfectly to every scenario but sometimes there are curveball. Imo its good for our kids to see us handling curveballs and modelling the right behaviour which overall you did. Dont beat yourself or your sister up for being human

So very true and sensible.