How awful was this parenting failure? Be honest

[Rubbishmymm]

I am feeling physically sick after something that happened today and I can’t stop thinking about it.

My child (3) was extremely (understated) excited to meet cousin at an adventure park today. Been talking about it all weekend and this morning all excited getting dressed etc.

The topic referred to below is hugely sensitive to me for context and very raw.

Anyway, when I met my sister and pulled up on the car park, my toddler is beyond happy, waving and desperate to get out of the car. As I pull up my sister pulls down her window and briefly mentions something relating to wider family (who were also meeting us there). It was a massively sensitive topic for me and I asked her to leave it for now but she didn’t. I could feel myself just feeling cross and exhausted after driving a reasonably far way and I just snapped and said I can’t deal with this I’m just going to go home. Toddler’s face absolutely crumbled and was clearly confused and sister then she was sorry and she didn’t mean to mention the topic and we can talk about it later. I said ok and then we all got out of the cars.

Toddler seemed to have a good day but I keep replaying the moment of disappointment and sadness they must have felt. I feel utterly terrible. I guess in posting I’m hoping for some words of comfort even though I know I don’t deserve them. I’m a single parent so nobody here to discuss this with tonight.

Oh ffs get over it. They’re a toddler. They forgot the second they realised they were staying.

Your child will be fine, unfortunately they're going to have to experience disappointment/plans changing at some point. They won't remember it if asked what they did today. Give yourself a break, you're doing great and over thinking it.

Zero parenting failure

Your child will forget about it soon.

If this is your version of a parenting failure, you're likely going to be a good mom.
You'll just need to dial down your reactions- you overreacted to your sister, and now to your daughter's few seconds of disappointment. Most 3 year olds will have moved on the moment they bounced out of that car.

Your toddler will be fine so long as you don't make a habit of changing plans for no apparent reason. At 3 years old they learn masses but also sometimes are really stoopid. They're devastated when they drop their ice cream but tip it upside down the next time they have one. Your DC will just remember what fun they had with their cousins today.

The fact that you are massively over dramatising this moment makes me wonder if you are massively over dramatising the thing your sister was talking to you about.

No your toddler won't be harmed by a moment of confusion/disappointment which didn't actually turn in to anything. But they may be harmed (emotionally) if you are this over dramatic about minor things constantly.

I mean… DD cried her little heart out at that age because I looked at her sock WRONG!! Inconsolable for ages. Your kid won’t remember this next week, much less in a year. But maybe you need to explore your reactions and family dynamics a bit more.

I would disagree, it sounds like OP overreacted and didn’t account for the fact her child was in ear shot and could hear her trying to cancel on the day out. I’d never even think to say that on a child’s day out

Huge overreaction. I wonder what your sister could possibly have said that was “sensitive and raw” about your other family members given you were also meeting them for a day out 🤷🏻‍♀️
I suspect she annoyed you and you threw a strop.

🙄
It had to happen. Sure as night follows day.

This will happen repeatedly on your parenting journey, don’t worry about it.

I think it’s no massive deal.
Not ideal that you said that of course but it was all over in a flash. You still went etc
I’m paranoid about my parenting now if you think this is so bad 😅 and I think I’m a good parent…

Who made the parenting fail? What was the topic? Why was your reaction to go home?

From the drama of the title and first few lines I thought toddler ran out in front of a car or another equally near death experience.

The child won't even remember now they almost went home let alone in years to come.
This is an absolutely non event I'm surprised you even noticed it at the time let alone feel this upset this long after...

Life with kids is going to get way worse than that....

This is the sort of moment I ruminate on too, OP. We do so much for our kids, and when we do something that inadvertently pops their bubble, it can make us feel so frustrated with ourselves.
But bigger picture:
Today, in major heat, you've organised a day out, got both of you dressed and ready, probably organised and packed a bag, driven there, paid the fee, then you've given them a tremendous day out and taken them home. Your kid has had such a lovely day, all provided by you. You're doing brilliantly.

Yesterday I had a similar thing but ours was meeting a friend for a play in Manchester. DD (3) soooo excited to see her friend and see the little play. Wonderful morning, everything going beautifully. We went to collect the ticket and they couldn't find us, then they did but the machine wouldn't print, and I was being asked to confirm various things, and then did I have a particular email as well as the confirmation email... In all that my DD was tugging away at me and bouncing up and down and chatting away, and I did a mini snap and said "[name]! Will you please just go and wait over there with your dad! Leave me be a second!" and her face crumpled too. She was fine a minute later, happily hanging out with her dad, but it was the careless moment of letting my frustration at a situation bubble over that has stayed with me, not the wonderful rest of our day. It's so silly, but being a parent and always trying to monitor our responses can be so hard too! ❤️

It was a fleeting moment your child will absolutely not remember. My parents made their fair share of mistakes - my mum threw my oasis CD out the car window because I asked for the same song over and over, my dad snapped at me a couple of times when he was hungover. I have a couple of bad memories and my parents had some slip ups but honestly all in all I had a good childhood and now I have kids I understand why my mum threw that bloody CD out the window.

If you had turned round that would have been a fuck up, but genuinely not even that bad. Kids get over it and he probably wouldn’t have remembered it as a formative memory. It’s not something he’d be telling his therapist about. I think being a good parent is about keeping your average “score” good. Keep them safe, happy (when possible), fed/watered, clean, and be as responsive and open as possible as much of the time and they’ll turn out fine. :)

You stayed. Toddler had a fab day. Don’t beat yourself up

sister then she was sorry and she didn’t mean to mention the topic

But she did anyway. Hmm.

Toddler is 3 and will have forgotten about the sadness and confusion as soon as you got on with the day as planned.

Absolutely non issue. Toddler got to stay. Problem sorted. They move on very fast and as someone else said, they can fall apart over not getting a biscuit 🍪 so yeah it's really an nothing from toddlers POV.

What's done is done. I bet you'd not do it again though? Please, you're human, we all make snap comments/choices that we can regret. No harm done, your child had a lovely day and that moment will be completely forgotten.

This is like a 1/10 bad thing. It was a momentary upset.

I hope you come to this with fresh eyes in the morning and feel better.

Don’t worry it was momentary disappointment, it’s important children get these disappointments for minor things like this so from time to time so that they build up emotional coping mechanisms or simply the expectation that they will sometimes be disappointed, to build up resilience for later.

You also got your sister to drop the topic, so it wasn’t a pointless exchange, you achieved your goal and also showed him that you need to stand up for yourself.

You're a good mum.

That's not a parenting fail.

This is literally a complete non event.

You must say no to your children sometimes???! Being disappointed won’t kill them. In fact it’s probably good for them to occasionally feel disappointed and learn how to deal with that. The world doesn’t revolve around them at three. Or any other age..
honestly what I take from your post is that possibly there are other parenting failures you are not aware of..! Don’t let your kids learn what disappointment is in their twenties.. they need to learn some things before then!!