How awful was this parenting failure? Be honest

[Rubbishmymm]

I am feeling physically sick after something that happened today and I can’t stop thinking about it.

My child (3) was extremely (understated) excited to meet cousin at an adventure park today. Been talking about it all weekend and this morning all excited getting dressed etc.

The topic referred to below is hugely sensitive to me for context and very raw.

Anyway, when I met my sister and pulled up on the car park, my toddler is beyond happy, waving and desperate to get out of the car. As I pull up my sister pulls down her window and briefly mentions something relating to wider family (who were also meeting us there). It was a massively sensitive topic for me and I asked her to leave it for now but she didn’t. I could feel myself just feeling cross and exhausted after driving a reasonably far way and I just snapped and said I can’t deal with this I’m just going to go home. Toddler’s face absolutely crumbled and was clearly confused and sister then she was sorry and she didn’t mean to mention the topic and we can talk about it later. I said ok and then we all got out of the cars.

Toddler seemed to have a good day but I keep replaying the moment of disappointment and sadness they must have felt. I feel utterly terrible. I guess in posting I’m hoping for some words of comfort even though I know I don’t deserve them. I’m a single parent so nobody here to discuss this with tonight.

Or OP is over reacting and making a mountain out of a molehill... She really needed to come to mumsnet for this?

Total non issue

You are a good mum.

You went ahead with the day.

Well done.

Your child is probably not going to remember any of this except a fun day.

It seems.to me that you have an issue with holding on to things and letting them get the better of you - the family stuff, and now the toddler's upset.

Honestly OP, the fact that you are stressing over this non issue makes me really question your reaction to your sister. You seem highly sensitive and possibly dramatic about minor things. Get some perspective, you had a nice day out with your child and family. Nothing went wrong, all is good.

it is upsetting for the toddler - i agree.
do you often behave like this?

Why not promise to yourself that you’ll never throw threats like that around again? Then you’ve made it up to your toddler in a real way

I am going to offer a slightly different perspective.

• you have taboo and sensitive topics that one can’t discuss. Even with your sister. It is not clear if the sister is aware or aware of how taboo this is
• you then had a tantrum when she did (even though she did stop) and said something extreme
• you have then had an equally extreme reaction to a non event- nothing happened- your toddler was confused/upset for a moment. Unless you are planning to go through life never upsetting your child this is part of growing up.

Now when I put all three together- the taboo subjects, the overreaction and the overreaction to the overreaction I wonder if you are by nature quite anxious and sensitive.
In the long run perhaps that rather than a momentary slip of the tongue will be more detrimental to your child. One of the hardest things to do as a parent is to regulate ourselves and recognise when we are bringing our own baggage to the table.

Whatever is going on in your life you can fix it ,as well as you can, and move on.

Good luck.

Possibly this, but I also wondered whether the taboo/sensitive topic is actually something really traumatic which has had a major impact on OP?

Sometimes when we're going through something incredibly difficult it can kind of overload the nervous system and put people into a state very close to fight or flight almost all of the time. It's very difficult to live like that and can derail even the most minor everyday experience.

What a lot of drama about something that didn’t happen.

Good grief.

Not a criticism but you sound like you're reactionary.
Sounds like you need to dig a little deep and resolve some life stuff.
Your kid is 100% fine!

Good news is that your toddler will not have remembered this for more than about 30 seconds. Bad news is that we will all disappoint and cause unintended damage to our children in various different ways, to various different degrees, just as our parents did to us. It’s part of the glorious mess of being human.
Cut yourself some freaking slack, lady 💐 You are doing a hard thing, being a single mum, and you obviously care very much about your kid. Please extend a little grace to yourself, just as you would to a mate if they told you this story. ☕️ 🍰

Go easy on yourself.
Your sister was very much at fault.
At 3, children can repeat things and do!
You were not unreasonable to be annoyed.
Your child will not remember this.
Be kind to yourself.

What a ridiculous story.

The situation was saved as you stayed put and your child had a lovely day.

But the memory of your daughter's devastated face is a natural consequence for you and you absolutely won't do this again.
One thing is to disappoint her if the plane is cancelled to a holiday of a lifetime (not at all your fault). Another is 'we're going home cos I wanna' which is what you did.

To be honest you sound like someone who reacts very strongly to situations. The "I'm going home" reaction to this feeling terrible and guilty over a 30 second emotional experience that your toddler will have forgotten by now, both seem quite over the top without any additional context.

Do you often find you react really strongly to situations? Is there something going on in your life to make this more so?

Your toddler is unlikely to remember but just learn from this. It is hard to say who was at fault without not knowing the issue. I would contact your sister and tell her that the next time you ask to change the topic or wait till later to talk about it that she needs to respect that and that through an open car window in a car park is not the place for most conversations.

Nobody is perfect and your toddler will not remember as the day we ahead as planned. We all learn from our mistakes. Sorry your sister upset you, hopefully she has learn't something from it. Be kind to yourself, you are a good mum.

We can't protect children completely from the fact we are - like them - human and sometimes irrational!

Don't beat yourself up, you feel bad, move on now.

No human on earth grew up never seeing their parent have a bad moment or make a stupid unncessary threat.

I understand you feel bad that your toddler thought for a moment that the much anticipated day was not going to happen. But, honestly kids are resilient and live in the moment ,i hope you all had a wonderful day because thats the cure for these momentary feelings of disappointment.
As for your sister ,she seems to have been insensitive (but its hard to say not knowing her or the issue) . As for you saying you'd go home because your sister wouldn't drop it when you asked her to, again, without knowing the issue its difficult to say wether you have an impulse control issue or were fully justified.
I really hope you all had a lovely day.

That's nothing. My mother once cancelled my birthday party because she had an argument with my older sister. I still remember it 40 years later. 😩

You stayed and your kid had a good day it’s your mind overthinking it now try to distract yourself your kid won’t remember it he had a good time .