DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

[Z0rr0]

My DD was invited to an activity with friends today. She ate a toasted English muffin before she left at 8.15. By the time she came back at 4pm she’d only been offered some crisps to eat. I’m grateful the family took her out (I paid for her ticket which was less than a tenner) and hosted her at their home, but I just can’t fathom not offering her some lunch.

So why not say that? "Slightly autistic" is both offensive and inaccurate.

I clicked YANBU before I realised you were talking about a 17 year old ffs 😵‍💫😂

When my 18 year old has friends round I see it as his responsibility to feed and water them tbh 🤷‍♀️

Do you not think that's a skill you should be working on? Surely she's capable of making lunch even if it's a sandwich.

It's very unusual for a 17 year old to have all their meals made for them.

So she's awaiting a formal diagnosis?

She's not "a bit autistic"?

Yes I would offer too, but you’re right that the parents probably thought their kid would sort something.

Op, I take absolutely no notice of my 17yo and her friends if she has friends over. Obviously I’ll say hello etc but after that I’m not involved whatsoever. Whether that’s over lunch, dinner, sleepover. If they want some food, they are welcome to make whatever they want.

I think if you'd stated her age in your OP, the pill results would look very different. And I think you knew that.

They probably thought their teenager would sort them both out, there's no way I'm making lunch and snacks for a pair of 17yr olds.

I thought this was going to be about a primary aged child, you're being a bit precious.

I have no problem with them using my kitchen (as long as they clean up), eating my food etc. actually would rather they used stuff up rather than ordering takeaway. But I’m not a cafe chef to teenagers

Perhaps time to think about teaching her the basics, especially if she’s thinking of going to university

Eh she 17 .coach her to say "friend shall we make a sandw8ch to have with the crisps?"

Well, in this heat no one needs to be cooking food at all. But she can surely make a sandwich or a salad or something else to eat.
It’s not normal to cook especially for a 17-year-old and her friend.

Good grief, I thought you were going to say she's 4!

A 17 y.o. and her friend can sort their own, surely!

I overfeed people, but some people are different, they dont live to eat and if she didnt say 'shall we have a bite to eat/whats for lunch' then they might not realise other people want to eat

She was alone in the house with her mate. I can't imagine that many 17 yo being arsed to offer someone a meal. They probably just raided the cupboards and surely she could've asked for a sandwich or toast or gone to the shop?

I wasn't fed by my friend's families after about 14. I guess partly as it seemed uncool, and snacks or fast food were more the thing?!

I think it really depends, and maybe worth having a conversation with your DD about how to deal with situations like these.

Certainly at that age, I would have cut my arm off rather than asked a friend's parents for food (I would always have waited to be offered it), so I would definitely ask teens (or any visitor) if they wanted something to eat or drink as I'd assume they'd find it awkward to ask. Equally, we've had plenty of young visitors below the age of 10 who have had no difficulty at all articulating their needs and saying "WiltedLettuce, I'm hungry, what can I eat? Do you have pizza?" 😂. I can see that if you have one of those kids as a teenager, you'd just assume that the kids would speak up or sort themselves out if they wanted anything.

The friends parents are now just saying to her 'what you didnt offer your friend any food?'

Maybe they weren't expecting her to be there for long after the activity?

Or as others have said expected their daughter to offer food or your daughter to ask?

She was back at 4 so not too drastic.

Sometimes that has been my lunchtime!

Not necessarily cook but surely she can make herself a sandwich, take a youghurt and some fruit? My 12 y old ds is capable to sort himself out if I'm out.

Yes, it's not clear what OP means. But it is true that autism is a vast spectrum if neurodivergences, and given that you can be severely autistic, requiring special education, sometimes residential care, I suppose logically you can be a bit autistic but it seems a lazy term without more detail here

Ok, this is where your understanding of norms will be totally skewed then. This isn’t ‘normal’. What will she do if she goes to uni in a few months?

I have a 17 yo. My job is to make sure there is food in the house available to them. I wouldn’t physically make lunch for that age group. I’d expect my daughter to make food for her guests if they were hungry.

No - you can't be a "a bit autistic."

You are either autistic or you are not. Within that diagnosis, there's a huge spectrum of abilities, from people who require 24/7 care to those who can work, drive and function with minimal support.

A bit autistic? Either she is or she isn't.