DD with friend’s family for 8 hours only ate crisps

[Z0rr0]

My DD was invited to an activity with friends today. She ate a toasted English muffin before she left at 8.15. By the time she came back at 4pm she’d only been offered some crisps to eat. I’m grateful the family took her out (I paid for her ticket which was less than a tenner) and hosted her at their home, but I just can’t fathom not offering her some lunch.

No one is a bit autistic. A person either is or isn’t.
Did her friend not have any lunch either?

Thanks for clarifying! It might also be age-related. I am in my mid-60s, which might explain why I say "host" rather than "hang out." Canadians of my generation also often have British parents, so we inherited some long-outdated British terms from them.

You are choosing to misinterpret people’s comments. I was one of those posters and I can assure you that the last thing I am is meek and compliant.

It isn’t self sacrificing to choose not to ask for things in someone else‘s home.

Neither is ‘wrong’, it just depends on people’s expectations. I have dropped people for being cheeky fuckers and I’m sure both of us were relieved.

If you and your friends all have the same attitude towards it, it’s fine.

it’s a minefield, isn’t it 🤣 I know it was about the US but I think the ‘two countries divided by the same language’ quote sums it up 🤣

@Z0rr0
I think it's shocking that your daughter wasn't offered food & drink. It doesn't matter how old she is, autistic or not, who has guests & doesn't offer anything? Reminds me of the time my then-young son was taken out for the day with his friend & his parents. We expected the parents to pay / cater as we always did with our childrens' friends, but no, they expected money.. all the other parents we knew were like us, food, drink, ice creams, rides etc were all paid for if we took other children out with us!

She’s 17??! I thought you were going to say she was 5.

She’s perfectly capable of organising food at a friend’s house at that age.

just read your other posts: if you think she may be autistic, then it might be an idea to equip her with strategies to help her communicate

I'd have found it odd too. When mine were teens we'd offer something or tell DSs to sort them out. It was pretty standard for all of their firiends. TBH I was a very shy teenager and could imagine not speaking up even though I was hungry.

Only time something similar happened was when DS2 had a playdate when he was at primary school and later told me that the family had sat down for lunch but not invited him. I quizzed him about it thinking misunderstanding, but he was quite clear, they left him playing in the garden, called his friend in and the four of them tucked in. When he asked if he could have something to eat, he was given (by the mum) two jaffa cakes on a plate and sat with them watching them eat. Very strange.

OMG! How incredibly insensitive to eat lunch and not include your son. I am completely at a loss for words—that was so cruel.

I don't agree that it's a faux pas for a 17yo to say to their similarly aged friend while hanging out "I'm starving, let's get something to eat".

The people I know who have your attitude aren't meek and compliant either, they're just passive aggressive and they love a good bitch and moan when their hapless target didn't correctly guess whatever it was that they wanted.

I'm not saying you're like this because I don't know you obviously, but literally everyone I know who makes a big deal about etiquette is insufferably unpleasant and ill-mannered themselves.

It would be easier to say, 'Let's get something to eat,' if there were somewhere to go (but the OP said there are no food places nearby). The DD would need to say, 'I'm starving. What do you have in the house to eat?"

So apparently when you're 17 you don't need food ... according to many on here 🙄

My children are older and I'd be annoyed if they didn't offer their friends food and drinks. It's quite basic.

If your daughter knew beforehand she probably would have bought something while she had the chance or taken something with her.

I remember my son was about 10 years old and was invited to spend the day with a friend for his birthday. They wanted him to spend the whole day with their son so he left in the morning. Went to a trampoline park in the afternoon, Went back to the house. No food or water and then got a kfc about 6pm. He said he felt sick because he'd gone all day with no food or water. Pisses me off to this day.... 8 years later

I can understand you be upset about your son. No food or water all day. Yikes!

Knowing teenager they way well.have chosen to eat crisps for lunch. Mine would've happily done so if he CBA To make anything

Maybe not every parent could afford to be coughing up money for someone else's kids. I would think someone was taking the piss if I was good enough to take their kid out and then they expected me to be buying them ice creams etc.

Certainly ne er sent them out with friends parents without money to spend. Even my own DD makes sure her child has money if I take him out for the day

Not relevant to 2 teenagers indoors by themselves eating crisps though

Do you really think it's cheeky for a 17 year old to organise having lunch with their friend 🤔How strange!

Ten is very different to 17. At 17 she should have a job and the means and wherewithal to buy her own lunch if she’s hungry.

I have 2 teenagers just about to turn 17. They have friends here ALL the time. If I fed them all I’d be broke. If they have someone here at tea I’ll offer to do them tea, but the rest of the time they’re on their own (as they are for lunch all week, they can make a sandwich or air fry some frozen food perfectly well they are almost adults!).

I would not expect their friends parents to offer lunch

This is exactly what it is, the passive aggression 😂

Oh no darling it would be so cheeky to say what you need! But also I can't believe how terrible your friend was for not guessing what you need, I must get on mumsnet about it immediately...

Then you know some strange people - don’t judge everyone by their standards

My DD is 16 and yes I feed her friends if they are here over a mealtime, but I don’t think many of her friend’s parents feed teen guests. It’s because I plan my whole day around meals, so my thinking tends to go along the lines of “we will have xxxxx for lunch, oh yes yyyyyy will be here” whereas I think other people don’t tend to plan so much and are more into just eating what they feel like, when they feel like it.

And also, an English muffin is not really an adequate breakfast for a 17 year old. A decent breakfast probably would have meant she wouldn’t have missed lunch.

No it’s cf behaviour to ask for things in other people’s houses. I agree the friend should have offered but maybe they did

My 16 year old would most likely have said “let’s get Uber Eats” and this is coming from a city kid who almost always has food places within an easy walk.

Exactly! People can’t possibly be allowed to use their words and express their needs and wants 🙄

Cheeky is borrowing money you don't pay back, asking for favours you don't return.

Just telling your friends and family you are hungry, thirsty, tired, need the bathroom etc isn't cheeky, it's taking care of your basic needs.

Not mentioning what you want and then seething afterwards is passive aggressive.
Reminds me of the "I was pregnant and hungry at my MILs house but couldn't bring myself to ask for a piece of toast" threads.

Using the toilet or asking for a glass of water isn’t the same as wanting food or hot drinks or whatever when they aren’t offered. But you know that, I’m sure.

If you are invited over for coffee or dinner then it’s going to be offered.

But I wouldn’t be crass enough just to turn up at someone’s house without being asked and expect to be fed. Maybe that’s just my circle