AIBU to stop therapy after learning my therapist’s husband is Reform?

[CanyonRider]

I live in a small town. I started having therapy maybe a year ago. I feel it’s been working for me and I like my therapist. However I realised today that she is (very very recently) married to a man who recently stood and won as a reform councillor in our local election. I detest reform. I’m married to an immigrant (EU citizen) and am delighted that my kids are dual nationals and have the option of travelling, working and living in the EU should they desire. I’m also very pro the transition to green energy. I have solar and drive an EV. Finally I cannot stand Farage and the political grift embodied by people like him and Jenrick and am dismayed by the harms caused by Brexit.

My therapist is also an EU national and is here under indefinite leave to remain - as is my wife.
Read a few interviews with her husband today and he spouts the usual anti EU, anti immigration, anti green transition rhetoric you’d expect from Reform. I don’t feel comfortable continuing therapy with someone who’s married to a reform politician, and am very surprised that she is comfortable with his views and by extension those of Farage.

Am I overreacting?

I dunno I'm intolerant of Nazi views.
I do have vitriol for those beliefs.

So, given he has married an immigrant, why do you think he's going to be against your husband and children?

No, that is not something the therapist “said”. That is something the OP discovered about the therapist’s husband and then inferred from.

You are making several leaps here: husband supports Reform, therefore husband is racist, therefore therapist shares those views, therefore paying the therapist “funds racism”.

That is guilt by association, mind-reading, and a massive overextension from very limited evidence.

Reform’s stated policies are not “racist”. You can dislike them, disagree with them, or think they are harsh, but wanting lower immigration, stronger borders, or different net zero policy is not the same thing as racism. Racism is racism and it's abhorrent. But it's not this.

If the therapist herself has been unprofessional, fine, leave. But “I dislike your husband’s politics, therefore you are morally contaminated” is not a serious standard for choosing a therapist.

But Reform are not Nazis.

Calling ordinary political disagreement “Nazi views” is ridiculous and cheapens the word to the point of meaninglessness. Nazis committed industrialised mass murder. Disagreeing about immigration, the EU, borders, or net zero is not that.

It is not moral seriousness. It is just embarrassing hyperbole.

lol

Clearly the Reform voters are out in force today.

I would bin this therapist. No way would I ever trust her judgement again!

All this nonsense over reform. Why is wanting controlled immigration racist? It’s nonsense and you need to realise that people are allowed to hold different opinions to yourself. I used to live in a multi ethnic inner city area mostly populated by Pakistanis and African and West Indians. When the Polish influx came in they hated it and many I spoke to voted leave in the referendum as they thought that would stop it.

Okay fine I'll bite. No I don't think they are just "wrong, crude, populist or unrealistic or unpleasant)" as evidenced by the many horrific things Reform politicians have said including a candidate in Sunderland stating that Nigerians should be melted down to ‘fill in the pot holes.’ This is racial supremacy and is already leading to increases in hate crimes. They are being very successful previously because people are ignoring their horrific views and policies.

Don't stop going - because you definitely need a therapist!

‘I’m also very pro the transition to green energy. I have solar and drive an EV.’

I think this was my favourite bit of your post.

Also, just choose another therapist. Hopefully the next one will help you develop tolerance and emotional stability in the face of something that conflicts with your values.

Part of becoming an emotionally mature person is understanding that people have different beliefs and opinions to yourself and learning to find the humanity in them.

Admittedly I'm finding this challenging in the case of some individuals who espouse their political beliefs, but no-one is perfect

Yet you’d be none the wiser in most cases anyway. Unless you vet the political leanings of the husband of every person you ever obtain a service from.

Absolutely YANBU! I couldn't share thoughts with someone who could partner a Reform idiot - no matter how professional the therapist or the idiot bigot partner is

Oh op, this is awful. So judgemental, so unpleasant. If she is a good therapist that is all that counts. I would suggest though that perhaps she isn't if this level of overthinking is representative.

If your husband had recently been elected as a councillor though your clients might be more aware.

@CanyonRider It’s a relationship of trust and if you don’t feel confident for any reason I think it’s right to find a new therapist, so you can get the most from the interaction.

I actually agree with you.

Tricky one - they may not have the same views. That said, EU friend’s husband voted for Brexit and in the end it broke the marriage. She felt very betrayed. John Bercow was a Tory MP while his journalist wife was a vocal Labour supporter so it doesn’t necessarily mean she shares or cares for his views - many people just don’t care about politics. Maybe he hasn’t a clue what it means to be a an elected member of Reform - on current evidence it looks like quite a few were pressganged into standing for election after sitting in the same spot in Wetherspoons for too long 😂 If she’s good for you, continue. If not, stop. I think it changes trust and affiliation when you find out people might not share your values, and I can see why you’d not want to spend money that goes to supporting a household with values so at odds with your own.

That comment was abhorrent. No argument there. It has no place in a democratic society.

But you are mixing up “a horrible thing said by someone associated with Reform” with “Reform policy”. Those are not the same thing.

There is nothing in Reform’s actual policies that amounts to racial supremacy. Lower immigration, stronger borders, staying out the EU, or opposing net zero are not racial supremacy. You can dislike those policies, but inventing worse ones is not an argument.

And where is the evidence that Reform policies are causing more hate crimes? Not “I feel they are” or “I dislike them”, actual evidence.

Nobody is asking you to ignore vile comments. But if you want to criticise Reform, criticise what they actually say

But one which no association to reform.

Otherwise you will be in therapy for years.

Feeling comfortable with your therapist is essential. If this is going to create a barrier, whether it's reasonable or not, then you should look for someone else.

"I'm also much better than other people because I have an EV and solar panels, I think all the right thoughts and never look outside this fixed box"

But OP has had the privilege to find out.
So run for the hills OP.

How far do you need to go? Partner? Partners parents? Parters parents vet? Partners parents vets hypnotherapist?

This OP has got it all, green energy, EV, EU, etc, etc

That's rubbish. Why is someone wanting stronger borders to keep us safe racist. In any case politics shouldn't come into it - it's about feeling a connectionand feeling safe with the therapist.

I think if you feel uncomfortable- it’s the end of the road. It doesn’t matter what others will do or how they will react it’s very personal.
I think being a politician is very different to just voting for a certain party. Being a politician means much more stronger alignment with values and principles. Being a politician’s partner (especially a recent one) also means acceptance certain values.
When you don’t know - you don’t know but once it’s became known to you - you can’t un-known it.

added: however I’m not sure about citing this as a reason for therapist.