AIBU to stop therapy after learning my therapist’s husband is Reform?

[CanyonRider]

I live in a small town. I started having therapy maybe a year ago. I feel it’s been working for me and I like my therapist. However I realised today that she is (very very recently) married to a man who recently stood and won as a reform councillor in our local election. I detest reform. I’m married to an immigrant (EU citizen) and am delighted that my kids are dual nationals and have the option of travelling, working and living in the EU should they desire. I’m also very pro the transition to green energy. I have solar and drive an EV. Finally I cannot stand Farage and the political grift embodied by people like him and Jenrick and am dismayed by the harms caused by Brexit.

My therapist is also an EU national and is here under indefinite leave to remain - as is my wife.
Read a few interviews with her husband today and he spouts the usual anti EU, anti immigration, anti green transition rhetoric you’d expect from Reform. I don’t feel comfortable continuing therapy with someone who’s married to a reform politician, and am very surprised that she is comfortable with his views and by extension those of Farage.

Am I overreacting?

Political views and especially those that are very divisive and nationalistic impart to every aspect of thinking. It is not possible to separate out a fact that someone votes for Farage or Trump from other things about them.
As it troubles you then I would find someone else. You are sharing detail and information about yourself. You cannot do that with someone who you now no longer respect.

How can kindness and intelligence simply be switched off at will? That makes no sense.

You're right that the world isn't black and white. But people's political views cannot simply be divorced from their character and core values.

You cannot agree with reform’s policies and be emotionally intelligent or kind.

It's about trust and values.

If you find out that someone has knowingly decided to attach themselves to someone with morally repugnant views, then you're obviously going to question their own character and you may start to doubt whether or not you can trust them.

Exactly.

I would question the judgement and common sense of someone who chooses a partner with xenophobic and racist views who can see through the bullshit of a grifter like Farage, so I could never trust them as a therapist.

You can just end your therapy and find a more suitable counsellor OP. You don't have to give her specific reasons.

You couldn't torture this out of me.

I would absolutely not work with anyone, particularly in a very vulnerable position (as you are when you're in therapy) with someone who supports a neo-nazi organisation.

It would be different if you were an employee of an organisation and had no choice about who you worked with (I've been in this position). You'd just remain polite and professional. But in this situation, you're opening yourself up to someone with a hostile belief system.

He may come across kind to people who fit within his circle, but Reform-style politics is still rooted in division and “in-group/out-group” thinking.
That’s not compassion, it’s selective kindness shaped by who you decide belongs.
Avoid this therapist @CanyonRider .
You will need therapy to get over it.

I would feel exactly the same way. And quite frankly the normalising of the far right is terrifying (as evidenced by this thread). I would find an alternative therapist.

At rhe end of the day you have to feel comfortable and trust your therapist. If you feel this information compromises that for you then it isn't unreasonable to not see them anymore. No matter if people agree or disagree. It is a personal relationship that you at the end of the day need to feel really comfortable with.

Yes, I think you are overreacting.

Your therapist is not her husband. The relevant question is whether she is professional, boundaried, competent, ethical, and helping you. If the therapy has been working for a year and you liked her yesterday, it seems a bit extreme to suddenly decide she is unsuitable because of political views you are assuming she shares by marriage.

Also, the EV and solar panels stuff feels irrelevant. This is therapy, not a hustings. People can disagree about net zero, immigration, Brexit, the EU, or Farage without being personally unsafe, immoral, or incapable of doing their job.

I also think there is a lot of assumption here. Reform’s position is not simply “we hate immigrants”. Whether people agree with them or not, there is an obvious distinction between legal migration, illegal migration, settlement rules, asylum, deportations, EU membership, and net zero policy. Lumping all of that together as “she married a Reform man, therefore I can’t sit in a room with her” is not exactly nuanced.

What happened to tolerating people who do not share every political view? What happened to grey areas? If she has said or done something in therapy that makes you feel judged or unsafe, that is different. But if the therapy itself has been good, I would judge her on the therapy she provides, not on a political identity you have projected onto her via her husband.

Wow.

Absolutely. We should be actively shunning these dreadful people, not just shrugging their repugnant opinions off as if they are simply a difference of opinion.

😂😂😂

Politics and religion really do divide people, hence why I refuse to discuss them in the workplace or with friends.

What I hate more than anything is those completely intolerant of anyone else’s view and the belief that their opinion is right, with complete vitriol for anyone whose beliefs differ.

And no one is responsible for the sins of their father.

Your therapist is not her husband.
How embarrassing for her.

You can dislike Reform. You can think their policies are wrong, crude, populist, unrealistic, or unpleasant. Fine (they are many of those things). But “far right” used to mean something far more serious than “has different views on the EU, immigration levels, border control, or net zero”.

Actual far-right extremism is horrific. It is authoritarianism, racial supremacy, political violence, persecution, camps, and mass murder. Throwing that label around for mainstream voters and elected councillors because they want lower immigration or do not like the EU cheapens the term and is, frankly, insulting to people who have actually suffered and died under real extremism. Lets also remember - polling at the very top of the UK voting intentions.

It also shuts down any possibility of discussion. If everyone to your right is “far right”, then you never have to engage with what they actually believe. You just write them off as evil.

I am concerned quote what the country will do to itself if Reform are elected if this is what people have been throwing about.

Yes, please do. Why should she have to put up with you.

She did say something that made her feel uneasy.

She is married to a REFORM supporter.
Someone with divisive racist views.
Pay someone else OP.
Don't fund a reform household.

I have already left two hairdressers over this. I don’t need to hear racist chatter over my foils.

This attitude is exactly why people vote Reform.

You are calling millions of ordinary voters “dreadful people” and saying they should be shunned, rather than asking why they feel ignored, angry, or let down by the main parties.

You do not have to agree with them. But dismissing them as morally repugnant is not going to make them disappear. It just proves their point.

She’s a therapist. She’s not putting up with her. It’s her job.

Find another therapist, tell your current one why you are moving.

I think Reform are loathsome but I think this is definitely overreacting.

Thats quite quite different.

Unless the OP has had a few racist comments during therapy? Which I am sure she would have mentioned.