AIBU to stop therapy after learning my therapist’s husband is Reform?

[CanyonRider]

I live in a small town. I started having therapy maybe a year ago. I feel it’s been working for me and I like my therapist. However I realised today that she is (very very recently) married to a man who recently stood and won as a reform councillor in our local election. I detest reform. I’m married to an immigrant (EU citizen) and am delighted that my kids are dual nationals and have the option of travelling, working and living in the EU should they desire. I’m also very pro the transition to green energy. I have solar and drive an EV. Finally I cannot stand Farage and the political grift embodied by people like him and Jenrick and am dismayed by the harms caused by Brexit.

My therapist is also an EU national and is here under indefinite leave to remain - as is my wife.
Read a few interviews with her husband today and he spouts the usual anti EU, anti immigration, anti green transition rhetoric you’d expect from Reform. I don’t feel comfortable continuing therapy with someone who’s married to a reform politician, and am very surprised that she is comfortable with his views and by extension those of Farage.

Am I overreacting?

I voted YANBU because I can imagine feeling the same. However if you feel she is a good therapist and the sessions are working for you, maybe you could try to overcome your feelings since her politics (or her DH's) probably don't influence her work directly?

Do what you think is best but stop trying to be a martyr.

Lol. Where did I say that I think that makes me better than other people. I was drawing a parallel between my belief - that we need to transition to net zero - and Reform’s which seems to be ‘cancel net zero’. This whole climate change stance taken by Reform
winds me up. It is entirely self defeating.

I'm not at all advocating the OP stays with a therapist they are uncomfortable with. I am questioning the guilt by association, the assumptions, not to mention the built in virtue signalling of having solar panels. I am also seriously questioning their ability to deal with a challenging world where people have a wide variety of opinions and we all have to muddle along in some way.

Im in a very pro person employment similar to your therapist and consider myself to be very person centred so dislike reform immensely. However my husband would vote for them in an election tomorrow and not necessarily for their immigration policies but because he thinks something drastic has to happen for things to get better. Do I agree? Nope. Is he entitled to his own political opinion - yes 100%. Does his political views impact my job role? Nope I don’t give it a second thought. Actually probably makes me less judgemental as I know someone’s politics or beliefs don’t necessarily make them a good/bad person as it’s just part of them.

A standard repost to racists is " you hate blacks, Indians, Pakistanis but what if your life required a surgeon, nurse etc who was (insert race) ? They always say "ah that's different "
Your suggestion is worse - it's not even the person your dealing with who is not to your prejudice, but their spouse.
It the therapy for bigotry?

I would, yes.

No, YANBU. This isn’t even about politics. The relationship between therapist and client is the biggest predictor of successful therapy, if you knowing this about her husband impacts the relationship you have with her, then it is the right thing to do to find someone else.

I find it interesting as well you said your therapist was an eu national too. She most likely thinks her husband is a bit of a hypocrite or anchor if he spouts those anti immigration policies.

I really can't be arsed with this nonsense. It's just gaslighting, a bit like the abusive man who hits his wife and then claims that she made him do it.

I'm not willing to pretend that racist, far right views are morally acceptable simply to spare the feelings of people who might be planning to vote for far right racist parties.

No sane person would throw away their basic humanity and morality to vote for a far right racist party simply because other people happen to say that the same far right racist party is dreadful or that its supporters are morally reprehensible. They vote for far right racist parties because they find the far right racist rhetoric appealing.

People need to own their choices and be accountable for their votes. If we end up with a far right racist party that trashes this country beyond recognition, then the racist fuckwits who elected them will only have themselves to blame.

yanbu op. I go to my therapists house and there's a lot of openness both ways. once trust is gone it's gone. I can't imagine being married to someone and holding opposite views to them. Sure some do but I wouldn't want them as a therapist!

Also if you stand for a party as a councillor it's a bit beyond voting for them, which would still be a line for me. If they're all so mad about being called racist maybe they should stop standing candidates who are racist and islamophobic and having a leader who is well known for being a racist? 🤔

You are still not separating evidence from inference.

The CPS link shows hate crime is up. It does not show that Reform caused it. It does not show that Farage caused it. It does not show a causal link between Reform policy and hate crime.

And again, the Sunderland comment was disgusting. No defence of it at all. But it was an individual’s vile social media comment, not Reform policy, not a manifesto pledge, and not something said in an official party capacity.

Every party has had members, candidates or councillors say awful, racist, stupid or offensive things. That does not automatically make those comments the policy of the party.

There is a perfectly fair argument to be had about Reform, immigration, language and tone. But calling them a “far-right group” and treating every horrible comment by an associated person as party policy is not evidence. It is guilt by association.

Criticise what they actually propose. Do not just fill in the gaps with the worst possible assumptions. Then you will get further in bringing people around.

Yanbu to be troubled by this.i would discuss it with her before deciding anything though. See how she handles it.

I’d definitely leave. I also suggest checking who your dentist’s milkman votes for, just to be safe.

I agree.

if you think it will stop you opening up to your therapist in some way or adversely impact your outcomes from therapy then yes you should move (and don’t feel bad for doing so). However I personally wouldn’t change because of this if the therapist was good and i was other happy with them. We all have to rub along with people we don’t have the same opinions as, and I think you may risk making life harder for yourself by attempting to mold your environment to your own ideal, rather than accepting differences and existing in the world as it is. Many, many people want lower immigration- even many immigrants! It doesn’t make them racist. Black and white thinking (excuse the pun) makes life harder than it has to be.

That is a lot of abuse in place of an argument.

Saying “people vote Reform because they feel ignored” is not gaslighting. It is a basic political observation. You do not have to like their reasons, but pretending millions of people are just racist fuckwits is lazy and self-satisfied.

You keep repeating “far right racist party” as if saying it often enough makes it true. It does not. We do not have a major far-right racist party in this country. Reform certainly is not that when judged by its actual policies and actions, rather than by the worst things people have heard about it second or third hand.

Wanting lower immigration, stronger borders, less net zero cost, or a different relationship with the EU is not the same thing as racism or fascism.

It also devalues the language we need for actual Nazis and actual political extremism. If every immigration sceptic is treated as a fascist, the word loses force when we really need it.

This kind of polarised debate is awful for nuance. It turns every disagreement into a moral emergency and makes honest discussion impossible. People are accountable for their votes, yes. But so are you for the way you talk about ordinary voters. If your response to their concerns is contempt, abuse and moral grandstanding, do not be surprised when they stop listening.

I hear his surname is Goebbels.

Well all the arguments I see for it - 'they're not our kind of people, they're a danger to our women and girls, they're sexual predators, our cultures are incompatible, we can't afford to keep them, they aren't educated, they'll be a drain, they're criminals' etc etc were the same as I've just read in a book about the proposed abolition of slavery in Georgia, US.
We're entitled to our opinions, yours is that you're not racist, mine is that if you are using the same arguments as those who didn't want slaves to be set free, you are racist.

Yes. People vote for parties that speak to their values and beliefs. Reform voters are not children. They are making decisions based on what Reform offers, which they like.

Batshit. Especially if this was NHS provided therapy, given how hard it is to access in the first place. If you’re happy with your treatment and are responding to it, what on earth does the therapists’ partners’ politics have to do with anything ?

I was going to write the exact same comment

Can you read? This has already been explained by multiple posters. The therapeutic relationship depends on trust and people feeling comfortable with their therapist. If they no longer feel comfortable or have lost trust, then that will obviously impact on the therapy.

💯