Would you judge self harm scars?

[AliceAbsolum]

Had a hard time as a young person, unfortunately used self harm to cope and now I have hundreds of visible old self harm scars down both arms. Impossible to hide without long sleeves.

Fast-forward 20 years and I live in a niace part of Surrey with DD and DH, Surrey mummy's you know. However....with the weather getting nicer I just cant wear long sleeves everywhere, nor do I want too.

We moved house recently and our road is having an afternoon tea thing today - I'm just going to have to turn up and deal with the looks aren't' I?

What would you think if you saw a 40 year old with old, but significant self harm scars?

I wouldn't think anything other than noting them. A good friend of mine has them. I have never asked her about them. It's up to her when she feels able to share. Or not.

I have a lot of self harm scars so I wouldn't judge. I'd notice though.

Mine are 90% upper arms and upper legs so easier to hide than yours but I do avoud short sleeves at work because I'm a teacher. I don't think there's anyyhomg wrong with children knowing about mental health problems but I do think it should be within a parent's control what they see and that it's less than ideal to see it in a teacher. Esp as I teach 8-13 year olds so a very vulnerable age group for that.

It's interesting that so many people would think you'd obviously been through a very tough time in your life. I wouldn't at all. I'd think you might have done but equally, thousands of middle class girls in the 90s and 00s dealt with the normal growing up process with eating disorders and self harm. It was almost 'popular'. I had both things quite severely for years but no trauma to explain it. I definitely wouldn't assume any awful background.

Someone with old scars is somehow less stable or safe? Wow.
Another one who has no clue.

Someone upthread said she was treated by an A&E nurse with self harm scars. Luckily her employer was not so misinformed and judgemental.

I'd notice but I wouldn't say anything and I wouldn't judge, I too have self harm scars but you wouldn't really notice unless you was inches from my arms, most of mine have been covered by tattoos well the worst ones have. I still go out in tees and tank tops

Lie to them in other words… how do you want them to find out about difficult issues like self-harming if not from you? Because they will see plenty in life that they find confusing or even potentially upsetting.

OP - Have you thought about getting a tattoo for your scars? I did and it was the best thing I did.

God no who would judge! If I saw your scars, I would think how amazing you are to have survived an horrific battle with MH!

I wouldn’t judge, I’d be sympathetic that you felt like that at some point and happy you are better. Who cares what other people think and if they judge you, they are arse holes

Empathy and admiration. We all have issues at times.
xx

My 16 year old has self harm scars and isn't worried about them being on view. She's the bravest person I know.

I wouldn't judge...I know a few people with them, a couple of them have had tattoos put over to disguise.

I wouldn’t do it in that moment while they’re looking at someone.

I might be concerned about someone with new self harm marks as I'd worry they weren't in a good place.
But I have a few old ones as well so def wouldn't judge!

Well, I went with short sleeves and had a lovely time. One lady looked quite a few times, but I'm used to that.
I'm really pleased I just did it, I'll worry less from now on. Like people have said, they are just part of me and if people want to judge negatively well thats on them, I'm not the thought police.

That's really good to hear; I'm so glad it went OK and you enjoyed yourself. I think you're a very brave person. The world is a better place because you are alive in it. xx

Good stuff and good for you. As you say, you can't control what other people do, but you absolutely can choose to ignore them!