Would you judge self harm scars?

[AliceAbsolum]

Had a hard time as a young person, unfortunately used self harm to cope and now I have hundreds of visible old self harm scars down both arms. Impossible to hide without long sleeves.

Fast-forward 20 years and I live in a niace part of Surrey with DD and DH, Surrey mummy's you know. However....with the weather getting nicer I just cant wear long sleeves everywhere, nor do I want too.

We moved house recently and our road is having an afternoon tea thing today - I'm just going to have to turn up and deal with the looks aren't' I?

What would you think if you saw a 40 year old with old, but significant self harm scars?

I have plenty myself and wear short sleeves. In over 25 years I've never had anyone (adult) comment

I rarely notice them on other people as it just doesn't stand out to me as it feels so normal, but if I do notice it tends to make me feel warmly towards that person - like we have a shared past and understand each other.

The two times a small kid asked I just said "I fell into a bush and got scratched up" and they giggled and accepted it.

I would think you’ve gone through a really difficult time and feel sympathy, and then I’d think you’re strong for still being here and showing your scars

I have some self-harm scars. I don’t think casual acquaintances would judge. I have had romantic partners back away in the past and that is their right. You might get small children being curious about them.

I’m nosy so I would be curious about your past (although I would never ask) but I wouldn’t judge, no.

If it makes you feel self-conscious though, there is specialist makeup that you can get to cover scars. Or I know somebody who got a tattoo to cover hers?

Definitely wouldn’t judge. Don’t think I’d think anything of it other than I hope that things are better for you now. And that you had scars for difficult times you went through in the past.
Wear short sleeves, be comfortable. Most people won’t judge and those that do aren’t worth knowing..

I think realistically people will notice and wonder. They may not express that out loud but folk will have questions and may well chat amongst themselves. It’s not ok but I think human nature says people notice anything unusual particularly if it suggests a difficult past.

Thats no reason to cover up, and I wouldn’t be explaining myself to anyone, including small children, but I’d be aware people will have an opinion and not always a kind one.

If it's any help OP, I have self harm scars on my arms, and other parts of my body, from when I was in my 20s. Once they healed up, I started wearing shorts sleeves, and have done since. I'm in my 40s now, if anyone has noticed, they've never said anything to me.

No, any more than I would judge burn scars, or any other marks bearing witness to what a person has survived.

Seeing your self harm scars would trigger my compulsion to self harm. That’s not an uncommon reaction in former self harmers.

Are you comfortable knowing that you could be triggering people?

Can you not just wear cooler material? Covering arms doesn’t have to mean melting in hot weather.

I had a class with Changing Faces where they taught me to cover them with makeup (and gave me the makeup).

This isn’t OPs responsibility, and it’s not fair to put it on her.

This!!
my friend has a couple and she bought some sort of concealer stuff for her arms for a wedding recently if you were really that bothered but anyone who judges is no friend and good on you for moving on ❤️

But it’s a real life effect she could have on others. She should be aware.

Aware, but not responsible for those people, including you I'm afraid.

Judge as in notice? Yes , fleetingly.
In terms of what would I think ... that person is a warrior and must have gone through some bad things and overcome them .

Again, it’s not her problem and it’s unfair to put it on her. Her body ‘triggering’ someone else is a totally unfair thing to try and place on her. She has nothing to hide or be ashamed of, and you should be aware yourself of how unfair it is to try and shame someone into hiding their body

I'd notice them but wouldn't comment or judge you. I harmed a little when I was a teen but fortunately nothing that has left any visible scars. The scars don't make you a bad or a lesser person.

You'd be surprised how many people around you have suffered with their MH at some point in their life, it just doesn't show the way your physical scars do. Try not to worry what others are thinking, just be polite, smiley and chat lots and you'll be fine.

No, I wouldn't. I'd want to know, (wouldn't ask you or anyone else, of course), that you're enjoying life at the moment.

Oh give over.

I am not going to boil to death just incase I trigger someone else.

Just like I won’t stop drinking in case I might trigger an alcoholic.

No one else is responsible for your feelings.

Of course no one is responsible for my feelings, just like im not responsible for OPs feelings. Stating the effect it could have on others isn’t shaming, just raising awareness.

It’s also perfectly possible to cover up and hot overheat.

But I don’t want to cover up. Why the hell should I?

I can’t take other peoples feelings into account because where does it end?

If you saw my scars and went home and self harmed, that’s really not my problem, and I will not cover up incase that happens.

You don’t get to dictate what other people do incase it affects you. You need to work on yourself.

Suggesting she should cover up because her body will trigger someone else is trying to shame her into covering up, and putting the responsibility on her as you asked if she’s ok with triggering someone else.

I have severe SH scarring on one thigh, and I would never show anyone as in my experience it does generally affect how people see you, despite what they might say, and it can become a subject of gossip. It's also sharing something incredibly private and painful with people, so for that reason too, I wouldn't.
But if you feel comfortable with people seeing it then I'm sure no one would be unpleasant about it – they may treat you differently because of it though, or even mention it to you 'kindly'.

Oh i am sure people haven’t wanted to know me becuase of my scars. Or they have loved me, then they have seen me in a t shirt and they have cooled towards me.

But you know what, fuck them. I don’t want to be friends with people who judge like that anyway.

And I am sure I’ve been gossiped about, but I don’t care.

No.