Would you judge self harm scars?

[AliceAbsolum]

Had a hard time as a young person, unfortunately used self harm to cope and now I have hundreds of visible old self harm scars down both arms. Impossible to hide without long sleeves.

Fast-forward 20 years and I live in a niace part of Surrey with DD and DH, Surrey mummy's you know. However....with the weather getting nicer I just cant wear long sleeves everywhere, nor do I want too.

We moved house recently and our road is having an afternoon tea thing today - I'm just going to have to turn up and deal with the looks aren't' I?

What would you think if you saw a 40 year old with old, but significant self harm scars?

I would think gosh I hope they’re in a better place now. Anyone who judges harshly isn’t your time or brain space. I do hope you’re in a better place now op xx

I wouldn't think anything other than maybe 'I guess they just have had a hard time when they were younger'.

What are you afraid people will think? Honestly, I wouldn't care about the opinion of someone unpleasant enough to judge someone for experiencing distress or depression bad enough to trigger self harm.

I am in my 40s and know several people with such scarring.

I wouldn’t judge, no. Anyone who would is someone you don’t want to be friends with. Hope you manage to relax and have a nice time.

If I noticed, I would feel admiration and empathy for your courage and what you have overcome.

I'd notice and hope things were better for you now

I would just think you’re a strong person to overcome your problems and admire you for it! I’m sure people wouldn’t think twice about it OP, these things always seem bigger in our own heads. Enjoy the sun!

I would feel sympathy but not judge. If I saw a lot of self-harm scars, I would think that someone had been through a very tough time. If they were clearly very old, I would feel relieved for the person and hope that they were now in a better place.

I haven't voted as I didn't understand the voting for this post.

I would think you have a hard time when younger, and then think nothing more of it. And I’m sure most ‘Surrey mummy’s’ won’t think anymore of it either. I hope you have a lovely day and go for the long sleeves OP

I would look as I probably wouldn’t understand what they were to start with but, once I understood, no judgement from me.

Interesting though as we were served by a waiter with significant scars recently and the DC asked us lots of questions about it. They are too young to understand and I wished the waiter had covered up so I didn’t have to discuss it with young DC so maybe I’m more judgemental than I think?

I don't judge but then again mine have been covered for almost 40 years.

Funnily enough I was googling scar removal yesterday as I'm fed up having to hide them at the beach.

Well, you can choose to wear long sleeves. I always wear long sleeves - nothing to do with self-harm. Or you wear short sleeves. Which option will make you feel better? It sounds like you want the short sleeves. Are the scars more noticeable to you than other people?

Oh wow, thats so lovely to read. I expected different replies. Thank you everyone. Got something in my eye now...

Never. We never have any idea what someone has been through and what challenges they may have faced.

And if it helps, I live in a naice part of SE England myself. I don't think my neighbours would judge either.

I've got lots of friends who have extensive old (& occasionally newer) self harm scars.

First time I saw them I thought "oh, you must have had a tough time as a kid/younger person".

If there are ever any fresh ones, I generally ask what's going on for them, if we're close, or just feel sympathy if we're not close enough that I'm not 100% sure that they welcome the care.

Other than that, I no longer think about them at all.
Don't feel bad about it, anyone who judges, that's their problem, not at all yours.

No, they're pretty noticeable

God no. Literally what is there to judge? You've had struggles? I judge people with nazi tattoos.

One of my best friend has a lot of self harm scars, she’s always super self conscious of them when she’s out or attending events, she’ll sometimes take a shawl/wrap for if she feels too uncomfortable. Not once has anyone ever passed comment or judgement on them. She did have one time when a woman stared for a bit longer than usual however she then noticed the woman also had some.

When I see self harm scars I don’t judge, I feel sympathy that the person has hurt themselves.

Do you have an answer ready if anyone asks about them?

I would think 'at some point this person didn't have healthy coping mechanisms, and that's a really tough thing to have gone through, I hope they are ok now'.

I used to know someone with a lot of scars which sound similar to yours. I'll admit I was quite shocked the first time I saw them (I was about 18 and pretty sheltered) but she was so clearly in a better place and the scars were definitely old so that feeling quickly passed. I do remember admiring her for getting through what must have been a horrible period in her life, but that was an assumption on my part.

No. I would not judge. I would hope you’re in a better place.

My arms are covered in them.

I was a manic street preachers fan when I was 14, and I wanted to be “cool” so used to cut words into my arm like the guitarist. I did it one summer. That was it. I was just a fucking idiot wanting to be cool with the older people at gigs.

I am now stuck with them. I keloid scar too, which is great.

I ised to live my life in cardigans. Mainly, as when I had my first child in my 20s, a midwife saw them and shouted to a colleague across the waiting area, “Christ, we’ve got a mental health one here!” (I have no mental health issues, but I was distraught after that).

Then one day, I thought fuck it, I’m not being hot anymore.

I am 46 now and they have faded, I never give them a second thought. people do look and judge though, I see them.

I’ve had some awful things said to me over the years, but do you know what, it says more about them than me. I don’t go round looking at people or judging them, I stick to my own life.

I self harmed when I was in my 20s OP. I don't self harm now but at times I still want to and have to consciously make myself not. My shame is in still wanting to self harm because I think most people associate it with younger people.

I don't think you should be ashamed of your scars and anyone who judges you for them isn't worth knowing.

I think you should be very proud of yourself for having built a good life for yourself despite your issues in your younger life.

I’d admire you for it. I have severe self harm scars and live in long sleeves all summer. I can barely even tolerate wearing short sleeves at home because I hate how they look.

I’d notice but I wouldn’t think much of them at all tbh, not more than a passing glance and I really don’t think it would influence my wider opinion of you.