I hate being fat :(

[Scarlettjune]

I'm 5 foot 3 and 14 stone 6 pounds. I hate being fat. Why can I achieve so much else in my life but I can't achieve losing weight.
I have tried so many times.

I went on mounjaro last year and it just made me really sick. I didnt lose any weight on it. I am off it now.

Both me and my brother had very bad childhoods and we are both overweight. Obviously we are eating to comfort ourselves. I'm not sure how to break the pattern. Was anyone on here able to break out of the pattern of emotional eating?

I don’t know if you’d consider doing the Zoe plan?

It takes some effort and isn’t cheap, but I found it was really effective. It’s personalised to you, so in the first week you have your responses checked to carbs and fats, your microbiome assessed, then a plan made based on results. There’s an app you can use to photograph your plate and it gives it a score.

It will change how you eat. I now eat far fewer carbs and a lot more fibre. I would say I feel happier eating that way.

It’s a shame you didn’t get on with Mounjaro. I absolutely loved it but had no side effects whatsoever, same for everyone I know that’s on it.

Would you try one of the others - Wegovy or Ozempic? They have a different active ingredient, Semaglutide as opposed to Tirzepatide, and you might tolerate it better.

I don’t think 1 to 3% can be described as a rare reaction. 3% is about one in thirty-three people. 1% is one in an hundred. And that’s a lot of people given how popular WLI are.

Winning the lottery is rare. Thats one in many tens of millions. If the odds off winning millions of pounds was 1 in a 33 to a 100, we’d all be spending a shitload on lottery tickets.

Why don't you try calorie counting? You can eat what you like within calories, pair that with some walking daily and it's a really good start.

I was an emotional eater and overcame it OP. I associated food with every emotion, happy -eat, sad-eat, bored-eat. Binge eater too.

As I approached my 30s I finally accepted I had a problem ( was bulemic by then) and realised I was never going to ‘grow out of it’ and would be like this when I was 30/ 40/ 50/ 60/ 70 and if I didn’t want that I had to do something about it.

So I basically put in place some ‘rules’ and decided to keep to them. My goal was not to loses weight, and it was very important that was not the goal. The goal was to normalize my eating. And to get in tune with my hunger again ( I realised I was never, ever hungry as I always ate preemptively. I think I had a terror of being hungry). I also realized failure was part of the process and that if I fell of the wagon, that was okay and part of the process to success and I would just get back on the wagon again. That attitude was crucial too.

As I overate and would just eat all of what was on my plate until grotesquely overfull, I got a small side plate and put my dinner on that to portion control.
I set times to eat. If I needed to eat between meals I would have fruit or nuts.

no food was banned. That was important too. But portion control was important. I basically looked at how healthy people are. My boyfriend was a good model as he was very in tune with his appetite which was higher when he was active and lower when sedentary. This was amazing to me. I ate more when lazing about! So I wanted to re-programmer myself to that.

Although no foods were banned, I knew I had a problem with binge eating ( at eating disorder level) on sugary food, so I did not snack on these and did not keep them in the house.
The hardest part was overcoming the cravings to eat. These would obsess every part of me. It was all my mind could think of, and my whole body felt physically shaky and jittery inside. I dealt with this by repeating to myself that nothing bad was going to happen to me if I did not eat.

It took a year of hard effort but it worked. It’s 25 years later and I eat when hungry and stop when satiated. I eat what like. I don’t need self control . My body has reprogrammed to know its own appetite. It’s amazing. Being free of that obsession with food, and constant thinking about food, and just being relaxed around food and able to enjoy it.

I heard a scientist talking about WLI and he was asked, ‘Is it possible to get rid of food noise without WLI’ and he laughed and said No. but it is possible as I did.

I guess what I did is looked at my food behaviour and triggers and developed a long term plan to address thar.

If multiple attempts at therapy hasn't helped and you don't want to try a different brand of WLI again or another diet, I recommend hypnotherapy. It's not a miracle cure but the fact that you recognise you eat for comfort – your fat has essentially become a layer of protection from bad feelings – means a good hypnotherapist should be able to alleviate some of the urge to eat to smother how you're feeling. Don't choose one that specialises in weight loss though – get one who understands past trauma. It's like you need to let go of the past to let go of the excess weight.

Have you done your ACE trauma score? It’s good to see in black and white what you have had to deal with. It’s helpful to see why you might have various health issues or coping mechanisms.
If you read up on the impact a high ACE score can have on your cognitive function, auto immune disease risks, high risk behaviour patterns etc, maybe you will understand yourself better, even if you don’t lose weight, you might feel kinder towards yourself and not hate it so much.

The thing is, no one has died anywhere globally due to correct usage or legitimate meds. Not one person, out of about 50 million.

no mediation exists thay every single person can tolerate and has no side effects for everyone. However like any other medication, if it doesn’t work for you, you stop,

people do get gall bladder issues, but this happens with weight loss or gain. By definition everyone on them is obese and trying to lose weight, so as a side effect you will see it. There are other rare side effects/

80 percent of people have no side effects at all. The benefit to their health of becoming a healthy weight is astronomical, the benefit to society the same, as it reduces the pressure on the health care systems. Obesity is the biggest killer in society, the number one cause of cancer in non smokers, the second in smokers, avoidable cancers. And that’s before we look at life limiting or impacting illnesses like fatty liver, high cholesterol, cardio vascular disease, diabetes etc,

so yes, some people can’t tolerate or will have side effects, like any other medication, there is no medication anywhere ever that is different.

and like any other medication, if it doesn’t work for you, you simply stop.

Actually on the boards here and on other sites I would say the opposite was true. The majority get little to no side effects, those that do it tends to be mild nausea, or GI issues or mild headaches normally just for the first 24 hrs or so.

But the actual trials did find a percentage either got no use from the drugs or such bad side effects and had to drop out unfortunately

Hi. I’m 65 and have struggled with my weight since a family drama when I was about 17. I lost about 8 stone when I was 30, got pregnant, ate for 75, put it all back on.
Kidney cancer, CKD, Type II diabetes, ruptured discs, perforated bowel - woohooo!
My daughter has four children under six and I finally realised that if I wanted to be a reasonable grandma, and watch them grow, I needed to do something.
I have lost five and a half stone so far (in about ten months), by strict calorie counting. My diet is way too carb heavy because I can’t digest fibre. I don’t have a sweet tooth, but stopped buying cheese and butter/spread.
Anyone who says it’s easy is delusional. It’s taken years to get my head round it and if your head isn’t in the right place, you’ll never do it. I would avoid the jabs myself.
The only thing I can say is, don’t be too hard on yourself. Keep trying and if you fall off the wagon, straight back on tomorrow. I wish you the very best x

@Scarlettjune

There has been some excellent advice on this thread.

I just want to say that,
while you are overweight, there are a lot of women waking up this morning who are 18 stone plus and who would love to be your weight.

What is it that you hate about being overweight, apart from health? I'm not going to remark upon that as others more clued up have already done so.

Is it not being able to find clothes? I would say you are probably about a size 18 and most shops cater for that size.

Is it because you feel you don't look good in them? Plus sized models can be size 18. I know they tend to be young and in proportion(!) but their hair and make up look good too.

You can present yourself looking and smelling good. If a particular outfit that you like, shows one bump too many-try some shapewear underneath it.

Lots of advice on how to lose weight on this thread-I know it's not easy in your case-but just keep reminding yourself that you are only a couple of sizes above average and many, many women would love to be at your weight.

My husband tried it but it also made him really sick he's never felt so bad.

Lost some weight but had to come off it.

Put most of not all of it back on and is back to eating constantly.
I've given up saying anything now.

Sending strength OP.

I trauma eat too, very unpleasant childhood.

While I try and be active for my health and make good choices, I also try and embrace it’s a bit of who I am.

@PeopleWatching17 That's brilliant. Maybe thats's the way to go, chipping away at it and seeking a long term change.

For me it’s about food attachments. We attach food to many things - emotions, habits, situations- when ultimately foods only job is to fuel.
The more attachments we have, the more overweight we’ll be.
The attachments need to be broken. So for eg if someone eats out of boredom, then they need to give that job to something other than food. If one eats for comfort, what can replace it.
I’m not saying that we should never eat other than for fuel because that’s dull and unrealistic, but the more attachments that can be broken, the scales will start to take care of themselves.
While we lose fat by reducing what we eat so we’re in a calorie deficit, it can be more helpful to address the cause - the reason we overeat - rather than the outcome- the number on the scales.
Take a pause the next time you feel you want to eat out of anything other than hunger and ask what you feel and what you really need in that moment.
It’s uncomfortable to do but you’re uncomfortable anyway.

You need to deal with the cause of your emotional eating, and change your eating habits. I struggle with my weight, and ‘eat my feelings’, once I start eating cake etc I tend to binge, so I do understand how hard this is. But, until you get some therapy to help you address the issues that prompt the behaviour, you’ll not be able to fix this. I’m having CBT for a variety of issues, and one of them is my tendency to over eat and eat foods that make me unwell, even though I know it’s unhealthy.

Eating healthy is self care, but, compulsive over eating is as much an eating disorder as anorexia, and the classic advice of ‘eat less, move more’ is pointless until you are able to break the cycle of disordered eating.

Using ChatGPT is really good as a therapist.
It just talks you through it and just that writing it down can be really helpful.
Obviously it’s not a trained therapist but the process of talking through it and processing emotions can help.

I know lots of people who get poorly off WLIs and what’s worse is some are fine for months and then get poorly off- which is bad because they have no choice but to immediately stop which leads to very fast weight gain.
At least you didn’t have that problem.

Slimming world is good because I believe it is based around what you can eat, not just what you can’t eat.
Being made accountable and knowing you’re going to weigh in is the biggest motivation.
My sister lost 5 stone through SW.

I managed to get out of the binge eating cycle by not denying myself anything and staying within a calorie range.
I focused on eating as much as I could within that calorie limit so I didn’t go hungry - volume eating.

I then also did lower carb and high protein as I found it keeps you fuller and when you have less carbs, your body doesn’t crave them.
It meant I snacked less too.

Even now, I make sure I aim for one meal a day with less carbs - I’ll have what everyone else is having just with extra veg and less carbs.

Focus on protein and veg.
It’s one thing that really worked for me.

Also keep busy - evenings go for a walk, tidy closets, gardening, bed early etc - anything that means you’re not tempted to snack.

I don’t deny any of this, so not sure why you chose to post under me.

Some pp seemed to be trying to undermine OPs experience or counter her claim that her side effects aren’t unusual. OP is right. If one in thirty three to one in a hundred get severe nausea, it’s not a rare side effect.

You seem to have interpreted that fact as an attack on WLI. It isn’t.

Op I was 13 stone at 5ft 2, four years ago. I am now 10 stone. One more stone to lose.

It’s been slow going but slow and steady wins the race. I don’t have any loose skin and have lost it in a sustainable way and without injections. I intend to eat like this for life.

A lot of mine was a mixture of chronic pain with painful heavy periods and low iron (which I didn’t realise how low for years) leading to food cravings as well as deep rooted childhood trauma which also lead to emotional eating.

Although I was a slim child I remember my first binge I was around 9 year old which is around the same time my mental health began to come under strain.

I’ve been slim for the majority of my adult life partly as I was so active (15k steps daily, gym twice a week) but around 2015 onwards I became less active and also discovered all the delivery apps and my weight skyrocket over the next few years. Especially with the stress of the pandemic.

How I did it?

It took a lot of will power and bravery tbh, I’ve just had to feel my emotions and not always rush to food for comfort . I have leant in more to my faith and creative things that comfort me like writing and reading and dancing and sometimes just crying it out.

I had one or two counselling sessions but I didn’t feel like they helped. Maybe I should’ve persisted but I didn’t. Partly due to the expense. I found journaling and going on trips more therapeutic, but I will probably try to find another counsellor again one day.

When I was miserable or stressed and/or facing period cravings I just had to start saying no and being strict. It was hard but I found throwing myself into exercise helped to get out of my head and feel better about everything. Both the past and the present.

I calculated how much I spent on Deliveroo alone between 2019 and 2021 and was horrified. It was upwards of a thousand pounds.

I promised myself a couple of holidays in 2023 if I lost some weight - which I did. So that was motivation to cut down on takeaways too, knowing what I didn’t spend on them I could use on trips. I’ve travelled extensively over the past few years.

If I found myself munching on a cake or a bag of sweets/crisps etc that I found difficult to not finish all in one go - I’d throw the rest out into the bin after having a couple of servings

It may have been a waste of food but I’d rather that than treat my stomach like a waste bin.

Now that I’m treating my period pain and low iron it’s easier, but I still do sometimes revert to emotional eating. I also injured myself while doing exercise so now I’m having to be more focused on diet.

I did slimming world online for the first few months of my weight loss journey and lost half a stone. Then I tried a few other diets that use meal replacements shakes, which made me feel sick tbh. Then eventually I ended up just calorie counting and aiming for whole foods, high in both protein and fibre and low in sugar . I didn’t cut out any one food group like carbs for example or do a total ban on sugar. I just reduced portion sizes and improved the quality of my food, ie less UPFs.

I was annoyed with myself as at the start of 2020 I was 11 stone 4 and starting hitting the gym and managed to get my weight down to 10 stone 10 by march. I believe I’d have lost more or at least maintained that weight if we hadn’t gone into lockdown. Instead I let myself put on over two stone!

So in 2022 I just told myself well it’s taken 7 years to go from 9 stone to 13 stone, so it’s understandable if your body takes another few years to lose some of that.

No matter how long it takes, the important thing is just to start because the time will pass anyway.

You may not always be consistent but if you keep going and trying again each time you go off track you will eventually lose it.

Dont give up! Your future self will thank you for it.

Mainly I lost the weight for health reasons, but I looked so shapeless when I was 13 stone! now I’ve lost ten inches off my waist I can see my hour glass figure is back and I can’t lie - it feels so good. I find myself admiring my new figure in the mirror a lot 😆

Hi OP,
I have struggled with emotional eating since all the negativity I experienced in childhood.
It took until my forties to deal with all my inner child stuff and work through healing everything emotionally before I stopped the emotional eating, and it wasn’t a conscious decision to sort out the eating, it naturally happened that the urge to comfort eat stopped after working through my trauma.
I can still be triggered if my mother attempts to get in contact (NC due to narcissistic abuse) but for the most part I can finally now eat healthily without it being a struggle!
Therapists and counselling did not work for me. I’m very introverted and I worked through everything by myself by reading every article & website I could get my hands on on the subject of covert narcissists and daughters, watching all the YouTube creators, reading all the Reddit threads, threads here on Mumsnet, and even a bit of ChatGPT towards the end of my healing.
I wont lie to you, this took the best part of 5 years in total, but I finally feel healed, strong, I have boundaries of steel, and I am now the opposite of a people pleaser which is what I’d been.
So this way suited me personally better, but obviously I don’t know what you are dealing with and how deep it goes.
It sickens me that people are fat-shamed as I know all too well that so much of the cause can be trauma related.
I’m finally happy with myself inside and out for the first time in my entire life so it has been worth doing all the inner work, but I can’t sugar coat the fact that I nearly didn’t make it through, and probably wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for my husband, pets and kids.
I don’t know if this message helps at all but I felt I wanted to let you know that it’s absolutely possible to do this but it all has to come from within - really wanting to heal and being in a position where you can do the inner work.
It isn’t something to be taken lightly, I literally exposed, examined, felt anger, felt hopelessness, released, and let go of each individual hurt from my childhood and life,
and that almost broke me.
But now I can look back at it all in a calm, almost detached manner and I don’t feel controlled by it and there is no urge to reach for comfort food any more.
I feel present for the first time without the need to numb out and escape life/feelings.
Sending big hugs and support.

Also someone told me that if you have a binge - so what.

Just carry on with your diet the next day and don’t feel bad.

Even slim people overeat, it’s normal but they don’t feel guilty for it.

The guilt is what ties food into something much more emotional for us.

Food is there to be enjoyed.
Enjoy eating real, fresh, healthy food.

If you have a binge, do not feel guilty - just carry on eating normally because you’ll still lose weight if 80% of the time you’re following your diet.

I constantly used to binge, feel guilty and think fuck it I’ve ruined it so might as well go silly, then feel guilty then restrict myself so much then it led to a binge and it never ended.

Don’t restrict yourself too much, carry on eating treats etc and don’t feel guilty for having a slip up.

I'm sorry your feeling so bad. Comfort eating is very difficult (my son is 20st at 6ft 4 because of it)
Maybe try hypnotherapy? My sister did for body image issues and it helped

Dr K has videos on YouTube called Dr K: Weight loss for Women over 40.
He doesn't do dieting. But he deals with emotional eating. I've lost 7 stone and he is a big part of that.
He has also written a couple of excellent books but I can't find a link to them.

Where did you find these people - sounds like you need better, more professional therapists.

Yes, food attachment is very real. My dad was really volatile when we were growing up except for Friday nights, when he'd go to the offie to get some beers and me and my sibling were allowed a packet of KP crisps as a treat. I would savour each and every one – not just because of the taste (KP cheese and onion was the best flavour ever) but because for one evening our house was happy. Dad was merry, Mum relaxed and we got crisps. So you can guess what my go-to comfort food is.

There isn't a crisp in the world I wouldn't eat!

Ergo, crisps are the thing I have to fight really hard to limit.