I hate being fat :(

[Scarlettjune]

I'm 5 foot 3 and 14 stone 6 pounds. I hate being fat. Why can I achieve so much else in my life but I can't achieve losing weight.
I have tried so many times.

I went on mounjaro last year and it just made me really sick. I didnt lose any weight on it. I am off it now.

Both me and my brother had very bad childhoods and we are both overweight. Obviously we are eating to comfort ourselves. I'm not sure how to break the pattern. Was anyone on here able to break out of the pattern of emotional eating?

Hi yes, I have tried it. It's not a miracle cure by any means but it does make life a little bit more happy & balanced. You basically make a menu (starter, main, sides, dessert etc.) of things that give you a hit of dopamine. For example, the starters are all tiny things like stretch, get a breath of fresh air, etc. Then there are bigger things for other courses like go for a walk, work on a project, whatever it might be for you. Dessert is things that are maybe not so healthy like eating treats or scrolling. The idea is that when you want that quick fix dopamine hit, by making yourself have another course or two first, it might make you feel better before you even get to dessert. At least that's how I use it.

The idea that past trauma is the thing that makes someone comfort eat, well it may be true but it is unhealthy because it implies - and as the OP has actually said, given she's said the trauma was pretty massive without getting into specifics - is that it implicitly makes it harder to get into shape/eat better. Because the trauma was so massive, how could you? If it means getting over that, you probably won't be able to do it. Or so the thinking goes.

Like folk who blame their awful parents for their current malaise. Without getting into it all, it makes it harder to reform or change because it implies that the thing that is making you like this was a massive big deal - so then how could you?

One other tip - don't use the words 'diet' or 'lose weight'. I do think they are triggering. Even when I was doing supremely well on weight loss - oops! - I would read the word 'diet' and be beset by a gnawing hunger. As for 'weight loss' - it's as if the body is hearing that you want to get rid of most of it, (true enough) so doubles down to make it harder.

Totally agree with the post upthread that it takes a while - over a year - for the slimmer body to twig that you have lost weight and this is you now, the fat cells have to change also to become more efficient to match the new you. That's why so many put the weight straight back on, the inside hasn't adjusted to the new reality.

A friend of mine was prescribed MJ by her diabetic nurse. Within a very short time she was referred for an urgent cholecystectomy as her bile duct was getting blocked with stones. In my opinion, she hadn't lost a lot of weight, but she still ended up in a lot of pain and had to have her gallbladder removed. It certainly put me off ever taking a GLP1!

Another acquaintance of mine, can only lose weight by taking MJ as she struggles with food noise, so she anticipates having to take it for the rest of her life at a cost of £180 a month. She feels constantly nauseous when taking it, so it's not ideal.

I was the same on wegovy. It made me so sick , I felt awful 24/7. No weight loss is worth that. I'm holding out for the tablet form, hoping they will agree with me better.

I use the WeightWatchers app and have lost 3st 3lbs so far. Still more to go though. I find it really easy to stick to, and I am certainly eating much healthier, hence I feel better in myself.

You're doing ok. Keep going.

Hi OP - sorry to hear that you are struggling with your weight. I think counselling would be a good idea to address your trauma.

I have 2 friends who have lost a huge amount of weight over the past couple of years.

Friend 1 went to Turkey for gastric sleeve surgery.

Friend 2 started walking. Walking for hours a day. She would put on a podcast and just go outside and walk. She also got herself a walking pad for at home, when she didn’t feel like going outside, or the weather was shit. The more she walked, the more her diet improved.

Both are looking amazing.

Try the Fast 800 by Michael Mosley. The first week is hell and YES you will be hungry, but after that your appetite substantially reduces which is what you need. Childhood trauma may be part of it but I think what is really happening is that you are genetically disposed to a large appetite, likely why your brother is also overweight. The FAST 800 helps control your appetite and induces rapid weightloss which means you will see results and be motivated to continue.

Apologies if it's already been mentioned OP, but would you consider EMDR therapy? It's well regarded for treating and desensitising emotional trauma and PTSD associated with traumatic memories.

I'm sorry monjaro didn't work for you. I'm on it but just have to accept that I really can't eat any type of large meal or fat. I occasionally take breaks and come off it. It's completely changed how I feel about food. Even when off it for a month I don't feel hungry. I realise I'm never actually hungry whereas before I feel sick if I hadn't eaten in say ten hours. I now fast 8pm at night until 1pm the next day. Without food noise I can see I don't really feel sick or faint at all.

Just breaking that cycle has shown me I don't really need three meals every day. Or to snack. It's do able. Intermittent fasting is the only things that's worked. Once your blood sugars are more even, the cravings stop completely for me. If I think "I haven't eaten in 15 I know I won't die from it. Or faint. Or be sick. Its just all in my head.

As you know there are no magic answers to obesity. Other than WLI but the maintenance of weight when people stop them is challenging as is any long term dieting. I am a comfort eater, I did well on WLI and came off them some months ago. My hunger is back and it’s a daily struggle but I haven’t gained yet. Most days I eat in a strict 6 hour window which helps me regulate my calories and I aim to eat 1500 cals or less. I find not eating all day long actually helps regulate my appetite as the more often I eat the more hungry I seem to get. I really do think those of us with weight issues have fast gastric emptying and thinner people seem to be slower/constipated, the Mounjaro really helped with that and now my gastric emptying is back to being very fast. Maybe try fasting and see if that works for you.

It’s all very well saying therapy etc but that is a long term plan so for now, I would say:

Start off with two things to ease you in:

Go for a walk for 1 hour every day. Parts of the walk should be getting you out of breath a little so pick up and slow down the pace.

Then start with one meal a day being just a bit of salmon and salad. Delicious dressing so it tastes nice.

You will start to feel better and more motivated.

I guess you need to switch the way you reward yourself to something else which is healthier? The issue is that you might end up with a different problem because you are then just addicted to something else.

However i still think therepy is worth another try. Counselling ia totally differernt from therepy and is juamst someone to talk to where as therepy uses tools to help you unpick what is going on. There are so many different types that i am sure there will be one which can help. You just need to persevere to find out which one is right for you. Might be worth looking into emdr as it is very good for trauma.

OP don't listen to.people blaming you for getting sick on Monjaro. I wouldn't fo near it because I know I'd be nauseous all the time. I only need to sit in the back of a car to throw up- it depends on the person.

I'm sorry you’re feeling low.

Hi, @Scarlettjune - I have lost six stone, very slowly, over the last 4+ years. With WeightWatchers. I go to weekly meetings - private 1:1 weigh ins and then a group session with a different theme for each other. This includes looking at psychological and external triggers for over eating - I mean, so many of over eat due to external triggers such as emotional trauma. It's really helped me - ie not just lose weight but understand why I put it on in the first place.

I too was exactly 14 stone 6lbs at the start but shorter than you (5'2").

WLI are not a solution either and could start their own issues on top of everything else.
Eating is s habit and a coping mechanism, you need to learn new ways to deal with your feels and practise them so they become your default instead of eating. It isn't about another diet, it's your head. It can take years to break the food as crutch cycle. CBT is good and can be done on your own but you have to commit.

I reccomend Michael Moseley 800Fast.
Lost 2 1/2 stone on it. Then I went on MJ and lost nearly another 2 stone.

The Mediterranean diet suits me. The mind is a powerful thing, you will only lose weight when it is ready to. Dealing with your trauma must be incredibly difficult. I wish you all the best.

When WW or slimming world give you the pep talk they are also psychologically training you to rely on them and need them so they keep taking your money and you become evangelical about them to others, they are also skewing your relationship with food because despite the many relabeling they still separate food into good or bad, you don't need anyone or anything to change it was all within you. Some people though like the group atmosphere and find that community where they let their defensiveness around food and weight down gives them a boost to be free for the rest of the week but others can feel further shame and stigma at needing a fat club and humiliation to justify any gains though I understand the leaders have been trained to minimise or avoid this they don't control others attendees reactions, eyerolls etc. I just think they are also a weightloss scam and compound ED.

All it is you've linked feeling better to eating, you need to learn many other ways to feel better and do them instead of eating. It will be hard because that's years or practise but it can be done, you can rewire your brain.

whatevee way you lose the weight, it is hard work, it takes focus and determination. I think we’ve determined weight loss medication is not for you. Like any medication there are always a small percentage who can’t tolerate, and there are a percentage it doesn’t work for, or will get side effects. It’s not a magic medication that works for everyone. No such thing exists, 2000 people a year die from nurofen.

To lose weight you need to be in the right mindset for that battle. It is always hard and complex.

we have also determined counselling isn’t working for you either. So something else needs to be found. There will never be a magic cure if you can’t take the meds.

so id take the previous posters advice, take the pressure off, accept your weight, but focus on health, eat healthy food, try to limit portions, reduce fats and sugars, but not some immediate and massive change, just little changes every week.

and then try to move more, go for a daily walk or do something at home. Even if its just 10 mins, and slowly build up.

I stress eat and other destructive things. I was pleased to feel that trousers that were too tight or impossible to put on now fit. Beforehand I had self hate and loathing. However a health scare made me realise that I had to get it under control.

I don’t check my weight
I fill my plate with beans, lentils etc
I only snack on handful of nuts eg walnuts or plus 75% chocolate
i have Greek yogurt for breakfast with nuts, raspberries, blue berries, seeds, chia seeds.
I make a minestrone with cavelero nero, beans, carrots, leeks etc weekly and not pasta or bread with it,
I drop a meal once a week - usually lunch on a Sunday,
I drink lemons juice in water before eating each day or I alternate with apple cider vinegar
I tell myself to move around so eg whilst brushing my teeth I do squats or I march up and down whilst waiting for the bus
I have zero alcohol
I throw myself into cleaning the house vigorously
I try to walk briskly after most meals
I forgive myself when I eat a biscuit and move on

I'm so sorry you both had to go through that and that therapy hasn't worked for you.

A side thought - apologies if yes, but was cognitive behaviour therapy one of the therapies you tried?
https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/cognitive-behavioural-therapy-cbt/

I used the basic principles of CBT (addressing how you think, feel and behave) on myself to go from 15 stone 6 to 12 stone.

I know my gain was partly perimenopause, partly how I felt after redundancy and unemployment, and partly habit.

Decide WHY you want to do this. Visualise yourself at your goal, how much better you'll feel, how pleased you'll be with your reflection, how your health and future will benefit - and remind yourself of that strong picture every time you're about to make an eating choice. Will that choice help me achieve that goal?

It can seem overwhelming, so look at your own habits and start by making small manageable changes. Mine included a pastry every morning with a cappuccino, so now I just have one on Saturdays.
Have a mindful breakfast instead so I don't feel like a snack.
Instead of pudding, always fruit. Yes there's sugar in it but there's also vitamins and fibre.
Small consistent changes in behaviour.

I went through the kitchen and disposed of anything that would not support us in it. Check yours out - if there are biscuits, crisps, cakes etc in there - get rid of them, observing how you feel about that. No, it's not a waste of money. It's an investment in your future. Donate them to a food bank (treats are fine).

Not being alone helped - my partner joined me in the weight loss journey. Joining groups may help - making positive friends who understand what it's like can in itself feel therapeutic.

Are you able to exercise? We walk a LOT more though I do wish I'd done weight training exercise throughout.

Value yourself - lovely body lotion, perfume, makeup, whatever makes you feel and look nice - you DESERVE it.

The practicalities:

Look at your plate - have 1/4 of it protein, 1/4 carbs, 1/2 mixed veg/salads.

Start calorie counting. The science works - eat less, eat better.

Have a food diary and write everything you eat, literally everything in it. Including cappuccinos, wine etc.

Make a chart and award yourself a gold star each time you lose anything. You could include your ideal weight loss at the bottom but if that feels overwhelming, do moving goals of three pounds, half a stone, one stone. Whatever feels manageable.

Only weigh in once a week. Take measurements and celebrate those as well as weight changing. And only if you find all that helpful and supportive.

Make all this habit; part of your daily practice just as much as brushing teeth, showering, dressing.

All the very best.

Therapy. I know you say you have tried it but rather like dating it can take a while to find the right “fit” of therapist and approach. Please don’t give up! There are plenty of excellent therapists out there who can help with disordered eating.

I think it's extremely difficult to lose weight. My gain is due to stuffing my face and drinking. A way to compensate and dull emotion. I know this about myself.
Also we are surrounded by cheap, high calorie foods. A few years ago places like Costa Coffee with cakes simply did not exist.
Sorry OP, I hear you.

Firstly you need counselling therapy to work through all your past issues as to why you comfort eat and look at alternative ways of managing it. You need to speak to your Gp regarding the weight loss inj explaining about the sickness as there are medications like cyclizine to manage nausea. It would also benefit you to see a weight management nurse at your Gp practice who can go through some diet sheets and alternative lower calorie foods to eat as well and schedule you for regular weigh in's. You need to put yourself first and start loving yourself. See it as a new beginning, a fresh start to a new life, you are so worth it! Nobody can manage things like this alone and the more people involved with your weight loss journey the more likely you will succeed! Good luck, I firmly believe with the right help you will achieve this!

@JFDIYOLO, nice advice.