Page 7 | AIBU to think parents drinking heavily on a kids rugby tour is inappropriate?

phoenix72 · 2026-05-24T09:34:57+00:00

I am currently on my DS's (11) weekend long rugby tour. It's the third day and I am thoroughly pissed off with alcohol being the focus rather than the kids or the rugby. The evening activities have been focused around drinking games (yesterday this was after a beach barbecue where the majority of parents were drinking) and the worst was the 'kangaroo court' last night where any perceived 'silly behaviour' or slight 'infraction' over the past rugby season by a parent resulted in taking a shot or downing a drink. Parents were penalised for their own actions and for their kids. By about 7pm most adults were so drunk they couldn't find their caravans, let alone their kids. Most parents have been too hung over to spend time with the kids in the day or do any kid-friendly activities. In the afternoons and evenings they have been too drunk to look after their kids. This is not a one off - my DS has been to tour with three different rugby clubs and each one has been the same when it comes to tour. AIBU to think this behaviour is highly inappropriate and irresponsible, and that it teaches the kids that getting completely wasted several nights in a row is acceptable?

aCatCalledFawkes · Yesterday 13:54

Itsasecretnow · Yesterday 13:44

Oh, no, definitely wasn’t implying that you’d be drinking during these weekends, just that boredom is a way of life at times when you’ve got kids. I mean if you’ve done lots of these different weekends then you’ve obviously found a way to get through the boredom to some degree (without going completely insane along the way hopefully 😄). I guess as a parent I think it just means some kind of mental readjustment, if you see what I mean, and to find some way/something(s) to try to relieve that boredom. Obviously all depends on the kids’ ages to a degree as to how physically “present” you actually need to be for the whole weekend and perhaps finding stuff to do whilst the kids are off doing stuff with their friends if they’re old enough to not need actual supervising the whole time. Or a way to occupy yourself or your mind, such as reading, online gambling, speaking to another bored parent, bidding for garden gnomes on eBay etc if you do need to be peripherally or physically present if they’re too young.
In this situation surely there is definitely a middle ground between going literally out of your head with boredom and getting off your face drunk, hungover and incapable the next morning. And I would think the majority of us would be somewhere in the middle. From reading more, by now, it certainly seems that it could be the whole rugger bugger type activities that brings it out more?

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I must admit I have never got off my face at any of them. I had a glass of wine at the rugby presentation two weeks ago and missed most of the 7s rugby tournament last week driving around half the county for gum shields for those kids who had forgotten there's (including my own son) and then the evening in A&E with son who by then had concussion.
TBH on overnight things with my kids I would of set a deadline to be back in my caravan (9pm latest) and would of stuck to it. There is no way I would keep a 6yr old who wanted to go to bed and do think that's wrong.
Obviously rugby has some form of culture for these nights but why not request caravans next to each other letting the kids play and then go to bed whilst grown can enjoy a few drinks in an sociable way? That is what I would of suggested to our club.
I will say though my son has been in hospital twice as a result of rugby games. It's dicey to be that hungover you can't drive or if you in a remote location if you need a taxi.

CoffeeCantata · Yesterday 13:57

coneyislandoldspot · Yesterday 10:45

Lighten up!

Ooh - tacky.

Whyarentyoureadyyet · Yesterday 13:58

I am shocked people are defending this. If it was working class parents on a football tour getting so drunk in front of their kids they couldn't find the way home there would be a huge outcry.

I am shocked the club tolerates it. There are all kinds of safeguarding issues here

I have no issue with people drinking (although it's by no means the only way to have fun) but getting drunk when responsible for their children is just grotty low life behaviour

MarmaladeSandwich7 · Yesterday 14:05

Seems quite a few folks think OP needs to lighten up or is a killjoy. Well there is drinking & having fun then there is getting so hammered that you can’t function properly. I don’t drink anymore because I’m a recovering alcoholic but even when I was drinking, the weekend wouldn’t have appealed to me at all. Plus I would be concerned about the kids welfare.

hallenbad · Yesterday 14:06

phoenix72 · Yesterday 10:51

I have no idea what you mean by "Anglo".

It's one thing being tipsy and another being too drunk to find your caravan with your kids in tow.

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I can’t think of anything more “Anglo” (which I take to mean as having an English type mindset) than getting shitfaced because the sun has come out. Most other European countries have a bit more class and yet still manage to enjoy a few drinks and a good time.
YANBU OP

CoffeeCantata · Yesterday 14:19

hallenbad · Yesterday 14:06

I can’t think of anything more “Anglo” (which I take to mean as having an English type mindset) than getting shitfaced because the sun has come out. Most other European countries have a bit more class and yet still manage to enjoy a few drinks and a good time.
YANBU OP

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Totally agree.

Some people seem to think that when you criticise people for getting completely off their heads with alcohol, it's the same thing as saying they shouldn't enjoy a few drinks.

Of course you can enjoy a few drinks - but why does it have to come to being completely incapacitated and irresponsible?

Hassell · Yesterday 14:21

phoenix72 · Yesterday 12:37

That's the problem. The other kids are coming to me when their parents aren't able to parent.

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Who’s supervising the kids today whilst your glued to mumsnet? @phoenix72

Wetcoatsandmudagain · Yesterday 14:22

Sound bloody feral! I would pack up and leave tbh. Poor kids

Whyarentyoureadyyet · Yesterday 14:26

Hassell · Yesterday 14:21

Who’s supervising the kids today whilst your glued to mumsnet? @phoenix72

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Writing a few posts on a phone is entirely different from being so drunk you are vomiting in bushes the next day

RegalDiamondMonster · Yesterday 14:42

phoenix72 · Yesterday 12:10

Thank you so much for this. I can't believe how many people are defending the behaviour on here. My son has already commented on me focusing on the kids and keeping everyone safe, and that really meant a lot to me. I just wish I could relax this weekend a bit too!

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I think maybe people are imagining a different type of drinking. Like a social, fun casual drink for laughs that kind of thing.

I was in rugby clubs as a student and the drinking games are hardcore and extreme. Also the culture is very unforgiving of those who don't want to join in. I loved them at that age but can't imagine wanting a night like that now! Not compatible with parental responsibilities either.

Imaginingdragonsagain · Yesterday 14:43

YANBU. How anyone thinks it’s ok for adults to harangue somebody into drinking as a nonsensical fine because her kid made a mistake in a game, and then encourage 11 year olds to join in with it, is a twat. It’s abusive, bullying behaviour. From seeing other friends, rugby has a really awful drinking culture, and they encourage kids to drink young too.

Delphiniumandlupins · Yesterday 14:47

I, like many people, have been drunk in front of my kids but not so drunk I was throwing up or couldn't function the next day. It's too late now for OP but I might have claimed taking medication that meant I had to be alcohol-free.

BerryTwister · Yesterday 14:51

Hassell · Yesterday 14:21

Who’s supervising the kids today whilst your glued to mumsnet? @phoenix72

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@Hassell today is the tournament, so I expect the kids are playing rugby

Hassell · Yesterday 14:52

BerryTwister · Yesterday 14:51

@Hassell today is the tournament, so I expect the kids are playing rugby

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Those other parents probably watching and cheering from the sidelines whilst OP furiously updating mumsnet

BerryTwister · Yesterday 14:53

Delphiniumandlupins · Yesterday 14:47

I, like many people, have been drunk in front of my kids but not so drunk I was throwing up or couldn't function the next day. It's too late now for OP but I might have claimed taking medication that meant I had to be alcohol-free.

@Delphiniumandlupins you’re right, that might have saved OP some aggro. But I have to say, I find it very sad that adults have to tell lies to prevent people bullying them into drinking. Can we not leave peer pressure behind when we leave school?

BerryTwister · Yesterday 14:54

Hassell · Yesterday 14:52

Those other parents probably watching and cheering from the sidelines whilst OP furiously updating mumsnet

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I believe at least one of them was vomiting in the hedge

RafaFan · Yesterday 14:57

aCatCalledFawkes · Yesterday 13:32

But, not all children that age are like that. The behaviour your describing is vile, disrespective and nasty. There was an incident with an older boy at my daughters swim club that I reported after she told me about it....and then a load of other parents also reported incidents with him until he was thrown out. But it would be disingenuous to say all boys are like this and nothing like it ever happened to her again in any form of sport.
My 15yr old came home with friends last night to hangout in our garden. He made them put money in a kitty to get pizza because he didn't expect me to cook or pay for them, they cleared up and were really polite kids.

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No, of course not all kids are like that. Very probably the kids who were the victims in the case I mentioned were not like that. They're going to have lifelong consequences from it though.
Also, I expect when your son was having a pizza party you were not hammered and throwing up in bushes?

Hassell · Yesterday 15:04

BerryTwister · Yesterday 14:54

I believe at least one of them was vomiting in the hedge

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Out of his system before the tournament!

Frugalgal · Yesterday 15:06

I know someone who works behind the bar at a shared football/rugby ground during matches. The stories they tell me about the rugby fans - drunkenness, violence, kicking off, away fans buying tickets for the home stands so as to cause trouble during games. He almost never sees anything similar happen at the football games.

aCatCalledFawkes · Yesterday 15:10

RafaFan · Yesterday 14:57

No, of course not all kids are like that. Very probably the kids who were the victims in the case I mentioned were not like that. They're going to have lifelong consequences from it though.
Also, I expect when your son was having a pizza party you were not hammered and throwing up in bushes?

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I wasn't no and we were talking all the way through the day. I got load of text messages off parents where my son had given out my number to the kids to give to there parents and they wanted to confirm that it was ok there kids to be there.
I made it very clear it was hot, they were welcome but I wouldn't be cooking for them and dinner had to be self funded.
There are a couple of rugby teams in my son's division who are really just vile so you do see all sides.

Jaxhog · Yesterday 15:15

It's truly sad that so many 'grown' people can only enjoy themselves if they get rat-arsed. There is so much more to life!

Ablondiebutagoody · Yesterday 16:21

OnlyOneAdda · Yesterday 13:48

It’s such a shame kid’s sport can be so toxic like this…putting the drinking aside which is bad enough…an 11yo has missed his conversions which was probably pretty gutting and stressful (it’s a hugely pressured part of the match, the cumulative points of which often decide the match result, and the responsibility for which will fall on only 1 or 2 players - which is A LOT at 11yo). So to call that out as a kangaroo misdemeanour is pretty toxic imo. Then for everyone to be pressuring Mum to do shots / that becoming ANOTHER thing for the poor kid to be picked on about. For fucks sake.

DD1 & DD2 both gave up club / school cricket which was a real shame as they were good at it and I think it’s a great sport…but the environment was toxic, largely due to parental behaviour.

Kicking conversions is pressured and that's why it doesn't feature in U12 rugby. Also for practical reasons like at that age they play sideways across a half pitch so there aren't even any posts. A team of twelve 11 year olds playing mini rugby are not playing on a full-size adult pitch with kicking of conversions. OP is making that up for effect.

JustAnUdea · Yesterday 16:41

Ablondiebutagoody · Yesterday 16:21

Kicking conversions is pressured and that's why it doesn't feature in U12 rugby. Also for practical reasons like at that age they play sideways across a half pitch so there aren't even any posts. A team of twelve 11 year olds playing mini rugby are not playing on a full-size adult pitch with kicking of conversions. OP is making that up for effect.

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Since its May, isnt it more likely to be Rugby League who do kick at U11s?

(May being an Non Contact month)

BerryTwister · Yesterday 18:50

Hassell · Yesterday 15:04

Out of his system before the tournament!

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@Hassell a parent vomiting due to alcohol in a hedge next to the field where their 11 year old child is playing in a kids rugby tournament is shit parenting, however much you try and pretend it's fun.

NotDarkGothicMama · Yesterday 19:34

I wouldn't be impressed either. There's nothing more annoying than being mithered by other people's kids on holiday to do fun things with them because their parents can't be bothered/are sleeping off a hangover. Being completely wasted in front of your kids is ick behaviour too.