AIBU to think parents drinking heavily on a kids rugby tour is inappropriate?

[phoenix72]

I am currently on my DS's (11) weekend long rugby tour. It's the third day and I am thoroughly pissed off with alcohol being the focus rather than the kids or the rugby. The evening activities have been focused around drinking games (yesterday this was after a beach barbecue where the majority of parents were drinking) and the worst was the 'kangaroo court' last night where any perceived 'silly behaviour' or slight 'infraction' over the past rugby season by a parent resulted in taking a shot or downing a drink. Parents were penalised for their own actions and for their kids. By about 7pm most adults were so drunk they couldn't find their caravans, let alone their kids.

Most parents have been too hung over to spend time with the kids in the day or do any kid-friendly activities. In the afternoons and evenings they have been too drunk to look after their kids. This is not a one off - my DS has been to tour with three different rugby clubs and each one has been the same when it comes to tour.

AIBU to think this behaviour is highly inappropriate and irresponsible, and that it teaches the kids that getting completely wasted several nights in a row is acceptable?

Absolutely this. It shows a complete lack of care for the kids, and makes the weekend all about the adults. Utterly selfish.

What you've described is absolutely disgusting. I wouldn't want to be around that let alone have my kid experience it. What the hell is wrong with people?

One if the dads shit himself in the bar on ours as he was so drunk. No way would I feel comfortable with my boys going on it. To be honest I was relived when they both decided rugby wasn’t for them.

I played rugby at university - what you describe was pretty standard in that environment…but agree not appropriate when the players are kids and frankly I couldn’t hack a kangaroo court in my 40s 😫

I’m quite surprised - I find increasingly there is less and less drinking amongst my similar aged peers and I can’t think of any friends and colleagues that would want to do drinking games / drink enough to be throwing up the next day. A lot of my friends seem to suffer with drinking so much in perimenopause that they’ve stopped bothering.

Is it a mix of men & women, or more Dads?

I don't want to be around it and I really feel for these kids. I was pressured yesterday by all the parents to have several shots in the 'court session' (mostly because my son missed a couple of conversions in his first game of the season) and was heavily berated by several parents in front of the kids when I declined. The kids also joined in on seeing their parents pressuring me to drink. This had repercussions with my son, who was then teased and encouraged by parents and children to try to get me to drink. The parents thought this was hilarious. I was gobsmacked that they thought any of this was acceptable with 11/12 year olds children.

It's a mix of men and women. I think some feel pressured to join in and drink as it's seen as 'the done thing' on a tour and they don't want to be seen as boring.

Sadly it does seem to be standard for kids sports teams. What the hell is wrong with people?

I love Ann😂

I'm a bit torn on this. We used to have quite 'merry' times when my kids were younger (can't do it now) and they loved a bit of feral freedom. I also wouldn't get so drunk I couldn't function.

This is exactly why we aren’t going to my son’s football team’s trip later this year. Well among other reasons but mostly it just sounded like a massive piss up.

Zero beer is your friend here. I always drink it and no one would know... not that I'd care what they had to say

Oh just read the shots thing. That's moronic.

Grim. Yeah have a few drinks but being fall down drunk at a kids rugby tournament is grim.

I’m sure the kids will have great memories of doing nothing because their parents were too drunk or hung over and watching their parents act like idiots. A little self control wouldnt go amiss. YANBU.

Agreed OP it's totally inappropriate. Our older son's age group was a nice bunch of parents, who would have a few drinks, but I never saw anyone wasted. Our younger son's age group though - quite the opposite. We've never gone on tour with them. One woman would turn up every Sunday morning hungover and have stories about what she'd been up to the night before. They were just rough - all of them.

That's truly dreadful. Is there nothing that can be done about it? Anyone you can complain to and get the drinking stopped on these tours? 1-2 pints at the end of the day is one thing. But this kind of excess around minors is appalling. I mean drinking games? The kids are only 11/12 for god's sake. They shouldn't be seeing adults behaving like this.

OP my son is a rugby player (now at uni) and I’m appalled at what you describe. I like a drink and I’ve seen (mainly) dads have a few pints…. But what you describe is on a different level. My mum had a drink problem and I remember being mortified when she was drunk. Agree it’s a terrible example for children of 11.

I've never seen it so have no idea who Ann is 🤷🏼‍♀️

I have no issue with being a little tipsy as a one off when at an event like this, but the vast majority of parents here wouldn't function in an emergency or be able to accompany their kids to hospital if needed etc.

I had to help a parent get to her caravan last night when one her kids (11 and 6) came to get me because they couldn't get her inside. She refused to give them the key and kept trying to get them to go back to the bar with her. The kids were exhausted (it was 11pm) and very upset. The eldest is trying to play rugby today (the whole reason they are here) and is clearly too exhausted.

It's pitiful that some people think that the only way to have fun is to get absolutely slaughtered while they're away with their kids.

I’ll adjust this from my point of view …

What would scar me would be working Monday to Friday, then having to go on a kids rugby tour to support my child and watch them do something they love while the other parents thought it was a great opportunity to get fall down drunk, act like imbeciles and berate me for not drinking in front of my child and the other children and parents. You sound like a great parent.

Who could I complain to? The coaches and team manager organise the trip (although not the tournament) and plan all the "games". I'm not sure who is higher up that could or would put a stop to it. Even if I could work out who to complain to, surely they can't stop adults drinking if they choose to do so.

That's why I asked. I don't know anything about kids rugby tours. All I know is that this shouldn't be happening around kids. Are there any other parents like you who don't participate in the drinking? Or are they all at it?

Give me the OP’s attitude to parenting rather than yours any day. Are you one of those people who has to drink to have fun?

My DCs rugby club isn't like this at all, thankfully so it's not everywhere.

Adults did enjoy a beer in the evening on tour, but the focus was the rugby and facilitating the DCs fun, not adult drinking games.

Thank you.

I've spent a small fortune to bring my son on this trip so he can play a sport he loves with his friends and spend a weekend having fun with them. I've been working 9-5 all week and, as a single parent, do all the chores and parenting too.

I scrape together the money to bring my son away for a trip he is very excited about (I've gone without a lot to afford this weekend for him) then instead of being able to fully enjoy it with him, I'm hosting the kids activities in the day because there aren't enough parents without a hangover, getting woken up late to escort drunk parents to their caravan, comfort their kids and get them to bed, keeping an eye on most of the kids when the parents are too drunk to know what the kids are up to, and trying to spend time with my DS too.

All so selfish idiots who can't get through the 'boredom' of a weekend away with their kids can get so drunk they won't remember it.

There seems to be 3 of us who are sober/relatively sober.

This is exactly how it should be!

These people (and those defending it) sound as tacky as hell. It’s embarrassing behaviour; they sound like students on freshers week.