AIBU to think parents drinking heavily on a kids rugby tour is inappropriate?

[phoenix72]

I am currently on my DS's (11) weekend long rugby tour. It's the third day and I am thoroughly pissed off with alcohol being the focus rather than the kids or the rugby. The evening activities have been focused around drinking games (yesterday this was after a beach barbecue where the majority of parents were drinking) and the worst was the 'kangaroo court' last night where any perceived 'silly behaviour' or slight 'infraction' over the past rugby season by a parent resulted in taking a shot or downing a drink. Parents were penalised for their own actions and for their kids. By about 7pm most adults were so drunk they couldn't find their caravans, let alone their kids.

Most parents have been too hung over to spend time with the kids in the day or do any kid-friendly activities. In the afternoons and evenings they have been too drunk to look after their kids. This is not a one off - my DS has been to tour with three different rugby clubs and each one has been the same when it comes to tour.

AIBU to think this behaviour is highly inappropriate and irresponsible, and that it teaches the kids that getting completely wasted several nights in a row is acceptable?

Sounds awful.

Wouldn't be allowed in the sport my daughter is in. Parents represent the club and there are firm rules about alcohol consumption at sporting events, especially when they're wearing club logos, etc

It's supposed to be about supporting the children, not embarrassing the shit out of them and making this think is normal or acceptable behaviour.

With the greatest respect, if your doing something like a swim competition you're sat on the other side of the pool and there with their friends so hardly with you.
I also didn't say I wouldn't do it, just that it does consume your weekend and there is an element of waiting around. I have two kids and I have done far more than the odd weekend, I've Jiu Jitsu competitions, swimming competitions (as well 5.30 am training), rugby matches, rugby tournaments, ballet shows and exams plus spent weekends driving DD to horse riding residentials. I have done endless amount of sport with my children at the weekend.
And I have never got drunk at any of these events, I just admit that it can be a boring sometimes.

But nobody is sitting at the side of their dc swim competition getting wasted 🤷🏻‍♀️

The weekend is not going as you would like it. You would like the other parents to supervise kids' activities but they don't want to so you are resenting having to do it all yourself. Either supervise the activities yourself because that's what you want or don't because no one else is. But drop the resentment and the moral high ground.

Are the parents doing that at the rugby matches or is it the evenings?

That is absolutely appalling.

Thank goodness those poor children have you there OP to look after them and care for them. And be a good appropriate role model. You simply must go next year…who knows what might happen if you’re not there @phoenix72

It's this sort of thinking which gets kids and kids sports clubs into trouble. There is an awful case currently before the courts in Canada where boys (13 - 14 yrs old) in an ice hockey team have been charged with sexual assault of team mates (also boys) in a so-called "hazing" incidents. The victims required surgery. There were multiple incidents and they occurred in changing rooms and in hotel rooms during tournaments. Kids that age can be brutal, and there was no adult supervision. Where were the parents and coaches? Very probably getting pissed somewhere.
My family personally experienced the gang mentality of kids sports teams last winter. Staying at a hotel, we went down to the pool with our kids, aged 12 and 9. Kids in the pool, us sitting at the side. A couple of other families there. A group of about ten boys aged around 11 came in, part of a hockey team, no adults with them. They completely took over the pool, acting like nobody else was there, pushing in front of other kids for the slide etc. One of them said something filthy to my 9 year old daughter. We tore a strip off him for that and complained to hotel management.

Anyway, my point is that besides that the parents getting so hammered they're unable to function is really not setting a good example for the kids, leaving tween/teen kids to fend for themselves is asking for trouble.

That is a very interesting interpretation ????

OP, aIm sorry if this means your DS will
lose out on a favourite sport, but I wouldn’t spend another hour with drunken morons like that. DH and so line a drink but I can’t stand seeing drunken behaviour around kids.

I was once in a train journey from hell - well, the first part of it anyway, thank God they got off after 40 minutes. The group dynamics were fascinating - one couple were clearly disgusted by their friends’/relatives’ behaviour. As was the rest of the carriage who had to sit through the drunken reminiscing and the swearing on an afternoon journey.

Well the op said all through the day and into the evening. The number of posters who think it’s totally fine to get wasted in front of your dc is pretty shocking. And no I don’t need to lighten up - I’m able to have a fab time without getting wasted.

Did you miss the bit where a child came to the OPs caravan door, upset and asking for help because their mother was hammered and unable to get them to bed?

OP, has the drunk mother spoken to you since? Do not be afraid to tell her exactly how you were there for her children when she was so drunk she couldnt be. .

@Owly11 you may not know this, but unfortunately it’s often the way that when there are shit parents around, the decent parents end up doing their job. It’s a choice between either stepping in, or watching kids be neglected. Some of us find it hard to watch kids being mistreated.

My worst nightmare. Never went on one with my son. My disabled son had lots of tours/tournaments and none of the parents drank…

Fine to have a couple in the evening. Absolutely unacceptable and borderline cringey to use it as an excuse for a total piss up and get into a state where you can’t even locate your child. That’s dangerous.

Suprised by some of the comments given how much MN looks down on alcohol and particularly anyone who drinks around their kids.

@aCatCalledFawkes the rugby tournament is today. It seems that yesterday was a beach barbecue (at which the parents got drunk) followed by drinking games (at which the parents got completely wasted, in front of the kids). Some kids weren’t allowed to go to bed because their parents were too drunk to find the caravan. Today is the actual rugby tournament, and some of the kids are too tired to play, due to being kept up late by drunk parents. And some of the parents are too hungover to watch.

This is very much not a case of having a couple of glasses of wine to pass the time during a boring sports event. This is basically a parents drinking session that the kids have been dragged along to.

As a veteran of many children’s rugby tours , your experience certainly resonates! I do like a few drinks but yes some parents would get absolutely plastered.
im not against parents having a bit of fun at the end of the season, taking kids training a few times a weeks and to games every weekend in all weather, it was a nice way to end the season.
i used to dread tour every year, especially the fancy dress but the kids loved it and so we made the most of it.

But, not all children that age are like that. The behaviour your describing is vile, disrespective and nasty. There was an incident with an older boy at my daughters swim club that I reported after she told me about it....and then a load of other parents also reported incidents with him until he was thrown out. But it would be disingenuous to say all boys are like this and nothing like it ever happened to her again in any form of sport.
My 15yr old came home with friends last night to hangout in our garden. He made them put money in a kitty to get pizza because he didn't expect me to cook or pay for them, they cleared up and were really polite kids.

This is a safeguarding issue. I think I would report it to whoever is in charge. This isn’t something I’d want my child near.

Ann would end up the drunkest of all. It would be the school receptionist doing all the judging 😆

What's wrong with letting the kids entertain themselves? Kids are entertained too much by adults these days. People often say how sad it is that kids don't just play out any more, but it can be hard to arrange. Here they can play out all weekend and there are adults on hand for emergencies, even if most are hung over.

I feel like this is one of the most balanced posts I have read.

Yes keeping children up so you can drink is pretty miserable and so are pressurised drinking games. If they want to stay up later, camping chairs and a few drinks outside the caravans allowing their kids to get some sleep would possibly of been a better plan. Balance and everything.

If parents want to go and have a weekend getting drunk, puking in bushes and sleeping all day why not go on an adult only weekend?

i grew up with a mum who was a big binge drinker (she was later an alcoholic from the age of 50 with daily drinking but in her 30s and 40s it was just getting shitfaced on special occasions)

I made the decision not to expose my kids to that. I sports tour is for them so I’d rather be present and make sure they enjoy it, not have to worry that mum might say something embarrassing, fall over or vomit in a bush.

Oh, no, definitely wasn’t implying that you’d be drinking during these weekends, just that boredom is a way of life at times when you’ve got kids. I mean if you’ve done lots of these different weekends then you’ve obviously found a way to get through the boredom to some degree (without going completely insane along the way hopefully 😄). I guess as a parent I think it just means some kind of mental readjustment, if you see what I mean, and to find some way/something(s) to try to relieve that boredom. Obviously all depends on the kids’ ages to a degree as to how physically “present” you actually need to be for the whole weekend and perhaps finding stuff to do whilst the kids are off doing stuff with their friends if they’re old enough to not need actual supervising the whole time. Or a way to occupy yourself or your mind, such as reading, online gambling, speaking to another bored parent, bidding for garden gnomes on eBay etc if you do need to be peripherally or physically present if they’re too young.
In this situation surely there is definitely a middle ground between going literally out of your head with boredom and getting off your face drunk, hungover and incapable the next morning. And I would think the majority of us would be somewhere in the middle. From reading more, by now, it certainly seems that it could be the whole rugger bugger type activities that brings it out more?

The drinking culture is the exact reason why I didn't fit in when my daughter played rugby in her teens as I barely drank. I was honestly relieved when COVID closed everything down and she didn't want to go back to it afterwards. I feel for you.

It’s such a shame kid’s sport can be so toxic like this…putting the drinking aside which is bad enough…an 11yo has missed his conversions which was probably pretty gutting and stressful (it’s a hugely pressured part of the match, the cumulative points of which often decide the match result, and the responsibility for which will fall on only 1 or 2 players - which is A LOT at 11yo). So to call that out as a kangaroo misdemeanour is pretty toxic imo. Then for everyone to be pressuring Mum to do shots / that becoming ANOTHER thing for the poor kid to be picked on about. For fucks sake.

DD1 & DD2 both gave up club / school cricket which was a real shame as they were good at it and I think it’s a great sport…but the environment was toxic, largely due to parental behaviour.