AIBU to think parents drinking heavily on a kids rugby tour is inappropriate?

[phoenix72]

I am currently on my DS's (11) weekend long rugby tour. It's the third day and I am thoroughly pissed off with alcohol being the focus rather than the kids or the rugby. The evening activities have been focused around drinking games (yesterday this was after a beach barbecue where the majority of parents were drinking) and the worst was the 'kangaroo court' last night where any perceived 'silly behaviour' or slight 'infraction' over the past rugby season by a parent resulted in taking a shot or downing a drink. Parents were penalised for their own actions and for their kids. By about 7pm most adults were so drunk they couldn't find their caravans, let alone their kids.

Most parents have been too hung over to spend time with the kids in the day or do any kid-friendly activities. In the afternoons and evenings they have been too drunk to look after their kids. This is not a one off - my DS has been to tour with three different rugby clubs and each one has been the same when it comes to tour.

AIBU to think this behaviour is highly inappropriate and irresponsible, and that it teaches the kids that getting completely wasted several nights in a row is acceptable?

Does the team have a welfare officer? My kids' football team does.
I don't know how much use they would be though if this is the culture at the club and the coaches and parents are like this.

@FernFaery the kids are 11, so quite young. And the parents aren’t a bit tipsy. They’re wasted.

I'm not sure, but I'll find out. It seems to be culture in a lot of clubs, so I don't know how effective it would be if I complained. I also don't want any repercussions for my son from this.

If you had said it was parenys on a council estate pub getting too paralytic to get their children home, people would call it neglect.

Naice, middle class rugby tour? Its fine...

There is a massive gulf between a few beers to relax, and not being able to function.

My DDs rugby club has Mums Nights and Dads Nights where they leave the children at home. Then the focus is having fun without responsibility

FYI your posts are making you look like a fool.

Sadly OP a lot of people don’t grow out of the teenage “drink till you’re incoherent and vomiting” phase.

Unfortunately rugby culture is very alcohol orientated too.

I avoid all the social stuff associated with kids sport. Not my scene. And I think it’s rather sad that some parents can’t survive a few hours watching their child play sport without becoming so drunk they can barely function.

I also hate the implication that people are boring if they don’t want to lose their faculties. Baffles me. But I expect plenty of MNers will tell me I’m tedious 🤷‍♀️. In reality there’s nothing more boring than a drunk person waffling on about nothing, and then throwing up!

I am shocked at what is being described. Recently I have been noticing a reduction in the drinking behavior of young adults. Maybe I am wrong.

What I can say though (from my perspective as a Granny who has had a good few hangovers but only when the kids are not around) that those children whose parents are getting drunk will notice. They will notice that alcohol is being prioritized over them. You have to think that there are so many other weekends of the year that they can imbibe. Not nice.

You worry about your kids, and being there for them. Don't concern yourself with what others do.

Have to say having a few drinks of an evening was the saving grace after lengthy Irish dancing competitions, and also the gossip when a couple of parents had one too many and had a barney. We did our own thing in the daytime when they were not competing.

That's the problem. The other kids are coming to me when their parents aren't able to parent.

Yeah no...there's a time and place and if parents want to get absolutely shit faced then they need to arrange an adult only night out or drink responsibly. Nobody is boring it's just common sense to not over do it in front of kids, I've had many traumatic experiences watching my parents get out of their faces that i can't stand being around drunk irresponsible people.

Its so totally inappropriate. I cant see why anyone could argue differently.

This is awful for those poor children! We had a BBQ with friends over yesterday. Everyone enjoyed drinks and had a great time while the kids played but we were all aware of the time and making sure the kids were fed and happy. I called time by 9 pm to make sure the kids went to bed. I'm actually appalled that she was trying to get them to go back to the bar with her. Outrageous.

The OP - helping upset little kids because their parent is so drunk they can't even find their way back to the caravan or get in the door.
Supervising other people's kids and entertaining them because their parents are too pissed/hungover to do it.

VS

Selfish, pissed up parents who can't find their caravan so their exhausted, upset kids have to go looking for someone to help.
Ignoring their kids because they are too hungover while the responsible parents supervise them and entertain them.
Parents throwing up while their supposed to be supporting their kid's when they are playing in a match after being kept up half the night.

Yeah I'd say she's better than those people.

Try reading a book - it helps when bored.

I have done a few rugby tours with kids in my time. I haven't seen it as bad as you mention. It's typically fun activity in the day, some sort of organised event or challenge like sing a team song in the evening alongside a party where a few adults do overindulge. Not my scene really but the kids love running around with their mates. More of a big party/ wedding vibe. Then a tournament. I do think the kids bond well on these things. They like silly challenges and gentle forfeits. Don't miss it now I don't have to go.

Agree.

Wow. Boring to spend the odd weekend doing something for and with your kids. That’s basically just being a parent, not every second has to be full of excitement for the parent when it’s a kid based activity. Shame you can’t put your own feelings of boredom aside when it’s a weekend your kid is swimming, even if they are only swimming for 5 minutes, but hey, we’re all different!

@stillhiding1990 it’s hard to chill when you end up being the default parent to all the kids whose actual parents are too wasted to look after them.

When XH went to Spain with DS's football team a few years ago, he and another dad abandoned their 14 year old sons in the hotel while they went to a strip club.
Classy responsible man my XH ... so relieved that he's not in my life anymore.

How much looking after do 11 years old need? It’s not as if she is doing bath time and story time.

@aCatCalledFawkes how did you manage the boredom? Did you read a book? Look at your phone? Chat to other parents? Or did you have to drink so much you couldn’t look after your child and couldn’t find your way home?

If I’m completely honest, I clicked into this thread thinking oh bore off, there is nothing wrong with adults having a few drinks and a group of 11 year old team mates having some freedom sans adults for an evening but having now read all of your points on this I am in full agreement with you OP that this sounds awful and is completely unacceptable and horrendous behaviour from the other adults. Hopefully you can leave soon and then never again.

@stillhiding1990 11 year olds need a fair amount of looking after. 11 is young. Do you think 11 year olds are independent? If you read OP’s posts, you’ll see that even younger kids were involved. They couldn’t get into their caravan to go to bed, because their mother wouldn’t give them the key. She was wasted and wanted to go back to the bar. And you think that’s OK? I’m surprised, but I suppose people have different standards of acceptable parenting. In my book, that’s shit parenting.

I think there’s already been at least a couple or more posters on here saying they have the same type of rugby weekends as op’s, so as far as the laws of averages goes I’d imagine there’s likely a lot more than just 3 rugby type tours for kids going on this weekend (and not all of the parents in all of them will be pissed off their heads so could be many “sober” parents anywhere writing this) so I don’t expect she’s at much risk of being outed. Anyway, sounds like most of the parents are either too drunk or hungover to be spending any time on mn this weekend, so unlikely to see this 😂
By the time Tuesday comes and they sober up, and with the slim probability that any of them do venture on here I’d imagine this post will likely have dropped out of active by then anyway. Thats even if op particularly cares if anyone sees it! I mean I do agree it’s relatively specific but it’s not going to be outing specific at all.
Then again I could be totally wrong and suddenly another parent will pop up, recognise the op and fighting will ensure! 🙃