AIBU to think parents drinking heavily on a kids rugby tour is inappropriate?

[phoenix72]

I am currently on my DS's (11) weekend long rugby tour. It's the third day and I am thoroughly pissed off with alcohol being the focus rather than the kids or the rugby. The evening activities have been focused around drinking games (yesterday this was after a beach barbecue where the majority of parents were drinking) and the worst was the 'kangaroo court' last night where any perceived 'silly behaviour' or slight 'infraction' over the past rugby season by a parent resulted in taking a shot or downing a drink. Parents were penalised for their own actions and for their kids. By about 7pm most adults were so drunk they couldn't find their caravans, let alone their kids.

Most parents have been too hung over to spend time with the kids in the day or do any kid-friendly activities. In the afternoons and evenings they have been too drunk to look after their kids. This is not a one off - my DS has been to tour with three different rugby clubs and each one has been the same when it comes to tour.

AIBU to think this behaviour is highly inappropriate and irresponsible, and that it teaches the kids that getting completely wasted several nights in a row is acceptable?

I think you need to chill. If you don’t want to drink or play drinking games then don’t but don’t judge other people chosing to do the opposite. You can’t control people, they’re adults, make choice that suit you and let them get on with it. You’re not better than them just because they had a few too many on a Saturday bank holiday.

As long as it's controlled, which it doesn't sound like it remotely is in this case. It's sad that people have to get absolutely shit faced to have "fun". Then they can't remember what they did the next morning.

Same at football matches. Can't relax and stay in your seat/spot, because people are so besotted with getting up and going to the bar every few minutes for more booze. Then they need the loo every few minutes. Etc. It's boring. Then by the end of the match they're blotto.

Must be a very recent trick, players did not have foreskins in my day.

They may not think that’s the only way to have fun, but decided that they wanted to drink and socialise. Just because you do one thing one day that doesn’t mean you think it’s the only way to do it

You could try raising concerns with the club committee. The problem is the parents aren’t there representing the club as such. For logistical reasons ours just travel with coaches and even for the U18 players drinking is not tolerated.

Please read my post where I explained how I was pressured into joining in the drinking games, and my 11 year old son was pressured into encouraging me to drink.

I am also looking after their children when the parents are too drunk or hungover to do it themselves.

I'd love to chill, but their actions and decisions are involving me.

Sounds hellish. I wouldnt have an issue with parents having a couple of drinks but throwing up etc is just ridiculous

They probably thought you needed to unclench a bit

my DS has been to tour with three different rugby clubs

Speaks volumes. This is an 11 year old. My guess? The Op has either flounced or been kicked out

Your guess is wrong. I've already explained this further up the thread. His first club folded, this is his second. He also plays for the county team.

YANBU at all.
Trashy behaviour with kids around.

Yeah the being pressured isn't nice. I know loads of people who don't drink and loads who do but they don't pressure each other like that.

How old are these children? By 11yrs I would of expected my children to be hanging around with the other children, I wouldn't of thought they would of needed looking after or micro managing, more like some bondaries about where they could and couldn't go like the park and clubhouse. I wouldn't put it on yourself that's it's up to you.

Chance of you admitting to flouncing or being kicked out? Nil

Who is supervising the boys now?

I absolutely agree, OP. I'm amazed at others on here justifying your experience- drinking to that excess is just awful when the focus should be on the kids. (Tbh I can't understand at all why drinking to that excess where you can't find your caravan & vomitting the next day is any way desirable, never mind when kids are around, but if folk want to do it wire in with adults).

I can't stand this rugby culture, & it doesn't need to be that way. My 2 older boys have been involved in rugby since they were tiny. It's always been a brilliant community with focus on family & fairness, & been awesome for them both. Ex-dh became a coach & it was a huge focus of their childhood. There's been plenty trips away, but focussed firmly on the kids, & drinking after dinner & when kids in bed with no stupid games or pranks .

It's clearly not like this elsewhere & the culture is ingrained young, as seen by DS1 when he started university & playing for the team. He very quickly realised it was all about the drinking to excess culture/ misogynistic songs/ extreme traditions. His rugby just wasn't like that, so he decided against continuing, which was a shame as he's talented & loves rugby. He joined other sport teams, which have fun, but not on the destructive level. He very much thinks it was 'the wrong type of private school rugger buggers' pushing the agenda. Very telling.

Interestingly, DS2 is at a very different university - not as prestigious, more industry-led- & has had a brilliant 1st year in their rugby club. They've been so welcoming, & he's had amazing fun with weekly socials & all the usual madcap, student stuff, but without the 'arsiness' (his words). He's ND & they've been so great with him, that he's really thrived. He was even in a 'kangaroo court', but it was more fun & just beer pong with a few drinks, & he got an award at the ball for ' Man of the Common Good' meaning he was just a good person who chatted to everyone. It all seems like it should be & not setting youngsters up for a culture of stupid excess.

Kangaroo court is absolutely part of rugby tour - and at mini/midi/youth parents also involved. The kids will be having fun whatever.

I've been on a few tours with my DSs. There was definitely some drinking in the evenings but nothing like you described ! This sounds like people thinking it's a uni rugby tour. Horrendous

Did the parents pay for the trip? I can see why they treat it like a weekend away, everything in moderation. I personally wouldn’t get drunk around the teammates parents, I’d be afraid I’d embarrass myself.

That seriously sucks and those parents owe you a nightly big thank you.

What do they think is happening to their children when they are too drunk to look after them.

Your kid will remember you being that parent who sacrificed, made it awesome and really made it about them. Amazing job mama!

Thank you so much for this. I can't believe how many people are defending the behaviour on here. My son has already commented on me focusing on the kids and keeping everyone safe, and that really meant a lot to me. I just wish I could relax this weekend a bit too!

Honestly, you're clearly one of those who like to drink like this. Fine, but it's pretty crappy to make the OP feel like she's a pariah or the one in the wrong here. Have you heard of agreeing to disagree?

I'll be honest, if it was me I'd judge, absolutely I would. I wouldn't say a thing, but I'd think it was crap parenting/ people I don't want to be around & wouldn't be back. I'm also a pretty strong person who would just take myself & my child off to bed.

Wow what presumption to prove a point.

I’ll move to football. My son has played for three teams. Oooo clearly a problem so I’ll explain it.

One was grassroots and won a national title. Got scouted and now plays for a category 1 academy (Premier League and it’s his second team). Third team - oh yeah plays internationally for his country (including World Cup qualifiers in the age group above).

So maybe it isn’t always a bad thing to have been on more than one team.

What volumes does this speak?

I love a kids rugby tour, DS's was a few weeks ago, and nobody is forced to attend or to drink if they do. The kids are all hanging out together (presumably the whole point of it) so who cares if the parents drink? Some on ours got wasted at the site bar, others didn't drink at all. I mainly sat in the sun on our decking, bbqing all day, drinking cider, and chatting to people as they walked past. DS popped back for 30 mins here and there.

Just enjoy the weather and do your own thing.

Defending poor behaviour because they thinks it’s acceptable to act like this and probably have.

Clearly you are doing an awesome job if your kid sees what you are doing for his team.

Ignore the haters and hold your head high.

The club should have a Child Safeguarding Officer.
Email the committee and copy in the CSO.