AIBU to think parents drinking heavily on a kids rugby tour is inappropriate?

[phoenix72]

I am currently on my DS's (11) weekend long rugby tour. It's the third day and I am thoroughly pissed off with alcohol being the focus rather than the kids or the rugby. The evening activities have been focused around drinking games (yesterday this was after a beach barbecue where the majority of parents were drinking) and the worst was the 'kangaroo court' last night where any perceived 'silly behaviour' or slight 'infraction' over the past rugby season by a parent resulted in taking a shot or downing a drink. Parents were penalised for their own actions and for their kids. By about 7pm most adults were so drunk they couldn't find their caravans, let alone their kids.

Most parents have been too hung over to spend time with the kids in the day or do any kid-friendly activities. In the afternoons and evenings they have been too drunk to look after their kids. This is not a one off - my DS has been to tour with three different rugby clubs and each one has been the same when it comes to tour.

AIBU to think this behaviour is highly inappropriate and irresponsible, and that it teaches the kids that getting completely wasted several nights in a row is acceptable?

I have been, but with 20 plus parents here it's a little unfair that I have to supervise everything while everyone else sleeps off their hangovers or throws up in bushes. Only one of the kids is my responsibility, not the 30 or so kids in the group (team plus siblings).

Anglo = puritanical sensibilities.

My parents often got drunk when I was a child, I’m not remotely scarred. What would scar me would be working Monday to Friday, then having to go on a boring kids rugby tour while somebody else creates a thread to monitor my drinking. Sorry but you sound like Ann from Motherland!

There are probably a maximum of 3 rugby tours for 11 year olds happening this weekend, narrowed down by this being day 3 and in a caravan its probably 1!

Our local rugby club does similar. Weekend on a caravan park, rugby on the beach then a tournament one day. A lot of drinking, theme for the weekend, pages of “rules” to abide by or you have to drink. (Only point with your middle finger, have a banana on your person at all times, only touch your drink with your left hand etc etc)

from what I can tell the club is run by the same people who were in their university rugby club, which seemed to run on much the same sort of rules, and they just apply it to the under-12s rugby squad.

it’s definitely a whole family affair, and both parents and all siblings go too.

I’m very glad my children don’t do rugby 😂
for one of my rugby-parent friends it’s the absolute highlight of their year. But another one completely dreads it and only goes to make her child happy.

Ooh, so where am I?

Same for me to about my parents.

And I agree that any sort of sport that takes all weekend as a parent is incredibly time consuming and there is some boredom to it especially when your kid isn't even on the pitch (son's rugby tournament last week had a break for 2.5 hours ). When daughter swam for club being at a swimming competition to watch her swim for about 5 minutes that took up the weekend that was by far the worst boredom I have ever expierenced.

I’m not there. My brother is though! 😆

This is why I refuse to join the multiple football trips my DS team keep pushing. I hear the last one was a glorified piss up , children left to fend for themselves with so called coaches off their heads in the sun.

Odd time of year for a rugby tour, hardly any actually

I’m more interested in why you’ve been in 3 different rugby clubs?
I’ve been on lots of kids tours and games are part of the fun the kids love seeing their parents do silly things, but not too excess.
Dont worry in a few years time your child will not need you there and will be up to all sorts.

Op has been kicked out of the others

Where? Is he part of the heavily drinking group or one of the 3 of us who are keeping it lighter? Do I have an ally here in this hell?? 😂

2 different clubs as one folded a few years back, and the county team 🤷🏼‍♀️ It's not unusual for kids to experience multiple teams.

It sort of goes with rugby, BUT not when there are kids around. Sets a really damaging example for the kids, and very much part of the British problem with alcohol, which is huge.

To be honest, this is why the parents come, to have fun, not to do kids activities which are tedious at best. Choir tour was similar, the adults bar those chaperoning the unaccompanied children were there to sing then party.

This is exactly my issue. Parents acting like this are normalising the behaviour.

Yes, that's why I chose 'damaging'
It's not just the absence of a good example, it's an actively bad one.

Sounds like the tales of the uni rugby tours of the 90's, almost like rugby parents are previous rugby players......
As long as the kids enjoy the weekend and the rugby today and they are not drink driving, it's a sunny bank holiday so why not.

I’m sure I read this exact same post a few months ago.

Normalising having fun? How dare they!

I completely agree with you, OP. It’s absolutely grim for kids to see their parents so out of it. Having a few drinks with food is one thing; being so pissed that you can’t be in any way responsible is another. It’s a horrible example to set and shows a total lack of care for your children. If the adults find the tour so insufferably boring that they can’t get through it without constant piss ups, they shouldn’t bother going. It’s selfish. And if they want a weekend of binge drinking and hangovers, then arrange one that doesn’t involve kids. There is so much utterly shit parenting around that it’s depressing, even if it isn’t new.

I worked in a holiday park that hosted kids football and rugby tournaments going on local area
Honestly it was a nightmare, the kids basically ran feral doing what they liked as most of the parents were getting shit faced in the bar in the evening.
Im all for having a drink but you still need to parent.

It’s sad, but these kids will remember it. They’ll either grow up to be exactly the same, getting wasted all the time to tolerate being around their kids. Or they’ll grow up knowing their parents weren’t fully present for them. I don’t drink anymore. My kids absolutely comment on how drunk their friends’ parents are at everything we go to.

My 13 year old was just saying the other day how depressed her friend is because all her mum wants to do is party and is too hungover to do anything with her. Incidentally, her dad is a retired professional rugby player 😂 and he’s actually incredibly sensible (they are divorced). I’ve never seen him have more than a drink or two when he has his kids with him. But the kids are really missing their mum who spends her weekends partying and sleeping.

I hear you, OP, I’d hate this and I’d not be going again. Perhaps a different sport with a different culture. I’m taking my eldest away to a gymnastics competition next weekend. I don’t have any trouble doing 2 nights away with my dc and long competition days without a drink. We’re going to the spa one evening and out to dinner and shopping. And she knows I’m present and can drive her places and handle any emergencies, like a trip to A&E from an injury because I’m not shitfaced.

I was going to say exactly this.

Sounds awful.

Yes I experienced stupid drunk parents getting drunk at a primary school prom. I organised it and couldn’t get them to leave when the party was over! One called me a C* for suggesting they take their children home as it was 10pm, they were drunk and their kids were hiding outside crying. I was especially surprised to find out one of the mums is a social worker for children’s services! I would never organise anything again involving parents as many think getting drunk while in charge of their children normal. Very selfish behaviour as they don’t care about their children.