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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want one child-free weekend after two extra weeks together

259 replies

Claudiaas · 24/05/2026 09:48

My boyfriend has a 5 year old DSS. DSS stays with us every weekend and a few days in the week.

in July his mum is going on holiday for two weeks so we will have him for 2 weeks. She’s offered to have DSS the weekend she comes back (on “our” week) as we’ll have had him extra. She never usually has him at the weekend

me and my boyfriend got into an argument last night because he said he wanted to keep DSS for the weekend so we could go to a caravan. I said we could arrange that for any other weekend as we always have him, and this is a rare child free weekend we could do something together.

he said I was selfish, and that he was “being deprived” of time with his child. I said we can do any weekend, or you can go that weekend? He said I needed to be there because it’s “normal” to spend time as a 3.

my point is that we never have a weekend just us and it would be nice to do something just us - we’d already have had DSS for an extended amount of time, which is fine

aibu?

OP posts:
FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 24/05/2026 09:49

I hope you don’t live with him, because honestly, just walk away.

CieloElmers · 24/05/2026 09:50

You’ll have to date someone without children

polarbert · 24/05/2026 09:52

Such is life when you have children. It may not be for you.

Jellybunny98 · 24/05/2026 09:52

I think this is an incompatibility really. He’s not unreasonable to want to spend time with his son, you’re not unreasonable as a child-free person to not want to spend every weekend with someone else’s child, but it does mean that this relationship isn’t going to continue without one of you being miserable/resentful. Date someone without children would be my suggestion.

Eenameenadeeka · 24/05/2026 09:57

Good that he's putting his child first. Lots of parents never have child free weekends, maybe you're just not compatible.

Trainup · 24/05/2026 09:57

He sounds like a great dad. You’ll always come second to his son, and that’s just the way it should be. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with him if you can’t understand this.

Ponoka7 · 24/05/2026 09:58

I've voted YABU because you obviously aren't ready to date a man with such a young child. They are only little for a short amount of time and I don't blame a parent to not want to miss out. You can ask for regular bed times etc, but not no contact at all. However you should be able to do what his Mum is doing and have a holiday away together. If you aren't ready to be a Step parent, though, that's fine and a valid reason to end things.

Snorlaxo · 24/05/2026 09:59

There’s a similar story on here and the woman realised she was the nanny with the fanny and left him.

Yanbu to feel the way you do but he’s not unreasonable to feel guilty about not having his son (?) and preferring to see him. If I knew him then I’d be urging him to spend the weekend with you because without your relationship, there is no party of three.

damemaggiescurledupperlip · 24/05/2026 10:03

Why not go somewhere for the weekend with your friends? A mini break or even a full-blown holiday

And have a th ink. Is he really a great, loving dad who can’t bear to be away from his child , or is he determined to avoid CMs payments so has him 50-50 with you doing most of the grunt work?

Either could be true

PollyBell · 24/05/2026 10:03

Wouldn't it be easier to date someone with out children they dont live in a box and pop out when fits

What is it lately

GreenSmallBird · 24/05/2026 10:07

He’s a dad who quite rightly puts his child first - if you don’t like this (and that’s fine) please walk away and find someone child free.

Floppyearedlab · 24/05/2026 10:07

Afraid this one comes as a package

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 24/05/2026 10:09

You are being very unreasonable. His child comes first.
Aren't the stats for child abuse much higher/at their highest when the introduction of a new partner comes into the picture. You sound like you don't want the child in his life but of course he will be! This relationship isn't for you so put the child first here and leave the relationship

Sassylovesbooks · 24/05/2026 10:11

Neither of you are being unreasonable. You both have different priorities, is the fundamental issue. Your partner, wants to spend as much time with his son as possible. You want to spend some of your down time as a couple.

Your partner has a child, and at the moment that child is still young, there will come a point when his son won't want to spend every weekend with Dad. As he becomes older, he will naturally want to spend more time at his Mum's house, because presumably that's where his school is and friend's. He'll naturally move away from wanting to spend time with Mum or Dad, and prefer his mates. You are a long way off from that point...

If you had a child with your partner, and there wasn't a step-son, do you think you'd get child free down time???!! The answer to that, would be no or extremely rarely. When you have children, especially when they're young, your 'child free' time, is when they're in bed!!

If you're going to resent the fact your step-son is with you every weekend/school holidays and you can't have child-free weekends, then you need to walk away from the relationship. Don't let that resentment build to the point, you don't want your step-son there. None of this, is the child's fault, and he will pick up on that resentment.

Stoicandhappy · 24/05/2026 10:13

I don’t think this relationship is working for you.

Whaleandsnail6 · 24/05/2026 10:14

Neither of you are unreasonable, but I don't think this is the relationship for you.

He is not at all unreasonable to want to keep his son with him.

You are not unreasonable to want a relationship with child free time...you just can't expect that in this relationship.

persikmeow · 24/05/2026 10:14

What am I missing?

You want to have a child free weekend after having DSS for 2 weeks.

His mum wants to spend time with him after being away for 2 weeks.

His dad is being an absolute dickhead for no reason.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 24/05/2026 10:15

I have a child and you’re not unreasonable for wanting time off one. I’d plan a fun weekend away with your friends. And then think about if you want to date a man who you can never have weekends with alone. Not many would. I couldn’t find a boyfriend easily when I didn’t have weekends off my child. One that I dates and fizzled out even got in touch and I asked what he wants to happen and he said ‘that depends what’s the childcare situation now’ - clearly was only interested if he could have a whole weekend of sex with me without my son there. Maybe you should date him!

Branleuse · 24/05/2026 10:16

He wants you to be his kids new mum rather than his girlfriend.
Don't move in together or you'll be guilt tripped big time constantly

PicaK · 24/05/2026 10:16

Honestly anyone with kids offered a weekend "off" would jump at the chance. His son would have been there for 2 full weeks. And missed his mum.
I think your DP is being mean to the mum tbh. Not letting her have something that would be good for his son.
Think carefully about his treatment of DSS and you.
Basically run.

persikmeow · 24/05/2026 10:17

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 24/05/2026 10:09

You are being very unreasonable. His child comes first.
Aren't the stats for child abuse much higher/at their highest when the introduction of a new partner comes into the picture. You sound like you don't want the child in his life but of course he will be! This relationship isn't for you so put the child first here and leave the relationship

Can I please ask how spending a weekend with his mum who has been away is child abuse?

SUperchange · 24/05/2026 10:22

Dad is being obsessive imho. After a full on 2 weeks. A child free weekend is not an unreasonable idea. Child will be with his mother not left out in the shed.

BIossomtoes · 24/05/2026 10:27

Definitely team OP.

Hassell · 24/05/2026 10:30

This must be a reverse

WinterCarlisle · 24/05/2026 10:31

Apologies if I’ve missed something:- are you, your DP and your DSS going away for the two weeks DSS’s mum is away? Or are you looking after him while your DP works?

If you’re not away, why can’t you go to the caravan one of those weekends?

We have 3 children, DH and I are still married but we’d love a child free weekend away together! I don’t think this is unreasonable for you to want, especially as DSS’s mum is around and has asked to have him.

How much do YOU look after DSS? I agree with many posters, both on this thread and others, that if you choose to be with someone who already has children then those children should be a major priority for them and consideration for you. I’ve known IRL, friends to get together with men who have children, those who barely see them are (generally) a much bigger red flag than those who actively want to spend time with them. There will, however, always be those who see the new partner as convenient childcare……..