Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

[accidentallyUpsetHim]

I really badly upset dh by accident yesterday and I feel awful but I think his reaction is really over the top? I have ADHD and I really often just blurt things out without even thinking he knows this and it’s how I’ve always been. I totally get that I should have stopped to think but my brain doesn’t work that way.

His mum has been really unwell in and out of hospital for months and currently in HDU very unwell. Her name is Judith.

I was on the phone to my sister yesterday and chatting and had a notification through about Judith chalmers dying. We used to watch the holiday programme as kids and I just blurted out to her ‘oh! Judith’s dead ! I’ve just seen on my phone ‘ to which dh jumped up and went white saying ‘what???’ And I said no no not your mum and apologised as he looked petrified and I felt awful. He went absolutely mad saying I don’t think before I speak and how he’s had enough of me doing things like this.?
He went out and hasn’t come back. He’s staying with his brother as he text me that he needs space and he’s still angry with me?

It was a complete mistake and I know emotions are running high and I feel terrible but I think he’s blown it all out of proportion or do I need to beg and grovel for forgiveness?

He's upset, but he's overreacted. You weren't even talking to him. If you had said that to him that would be different, but if he's listening to a conversation that he's not part of then obviously things can be confused.

Did you and your sister always refer to judith charmers as judith? Did your sister know who you meant?

I feel terrible and I straight away said as he jumped up so fast but he said he can’t put up with somebody who doesn’t engage their brain before opening their mouth

Serves him right for earwigging..

Your DH is waiting to hear if his mum has died. Yes you made a simple mistake, but it hasn't hurt him simply, it's hurt him very deeply. His reaction isn't rational, but times like this aren't. If I were you I would apologise again, recognisning the impact of whst you said and how tough things are for him right now.

Sounds like he was after an excuse to be somewhere else. Do you know he was where he said he was?

Why did you get a notification about Judith chalmers

Yes we used to watch all those kind of 90s programmes we never did much else the holiday ones the changing rooms type things we loved that kind of 90s tv and reminisce a lot and I just looked at the notification and blurted it out

You get them if you subscribe to news apps.

It came up on a news thing

I’m honestly not being sarky but aren’t you at all concerned that you and your family may be easily identified at what is obviously a very hard time?

I had one too.

Apologise for goodness sake. Poor man. Unless you were best friends with Judith Chalmers?

Seems odd you just said 'Judith' Did your sister know who you meant?

I can understand your DH being upset.

This reminds me of 'David's dead' from celebrity big brother

Have you always been on 1st name terms with Judith chalmers?
This smacks of " David's dead"🤣

You are wildly unreasonable both in your actions and in using your adhd as an excuse for being insensitive and hurtful

i hadn’t thought about that but I’m sure they all know anyway as dh is so angry and told me that everyone thinks I’m out of order for upsetting him and not thinking before I speak

This …
No one who didn’t know her would say this without her surname

It is a bit odd that you wouldn't say Judith Chalmers' as her full name, I can't say I would immediately know who you meant especially if it was a relative's name!

DH is clearly on edge about his mum so I'd cut him some slack. On his reaction, and I don't know a polite way to ask this so forgive my directness, do you quite often use having ADHD as an excuse for behaviour and are not actively doing anything about it? Is that why he's annoyed also?

It’s not an excuse I just didn’t want to leave anything relevant out as it explains why I blurt things out my mind goes so fast

What you did was incredibly thoughtless and insensitive, and if it’s the most serious of a long line of incidents I can see why he’s fed up.

OP frankly it sounds like you do unreasonable stuff a lot as his reaction is not to this one thing, right?

You said he said he's sick of things like this.

Also honestly YABU massively to blame your ADHD. You made him think his mum was dead. That is really awful. You can't just say "that's how I am, lump it".

Its an awful time for him and he overreacted.hes only human. Im sure he will calm down and realise

A complete overreaction on his part.

I think I just assumed she would know I didn’t think if I’d been able to continue the conversation maybe she would have said Judith who? But dh jumped up and then I was talking to him and said to her i will
call you back. She said to me afterward she was confused at first too but had also then seen a notification but knew what dh would think