Accidentally made dh think his dm had died but is his reaction too much?

[accidentallyUpsetHim]

I really badly upset dh by accident yesterday and I feel awful but I think his reaction is really over the top? I have ADHD and I really often just blurt things out without even thinking he knows this and it’s how I’ve always been. I totally get that I should have stopped to think but my brain doesn’t work that way.

His mum has been really unwell in and out of hospital for months and currently in HDU very unwell. Her name is Judith.

I was on the phone to my sister yesterday and chatting and had a notification through about Judith chalmers dying. We used to watch the holiday programme as kids and I just blurted out to her ‘oh! Judith’s dead ! I’ve just seen on my phone ‘ to which dh jumped up and went white saying ‘what???’ And I said no no not your mum and apologised as he looked petrified and I felt awful. He went absolutely mad saying I don’t think before I speak and how he’s had enough of me doing things like this.?
He went out and hasn’t come back. He’s staying with his brother as he text me that he needs space and he’s still angry with me?

It was a complete mistake and I know emotions are running high and I feel terrible but I think he’s blown it all out of proportion or do I need to beg and grovel for forgiveness?

I think he needs to learn not to eavesdrop on other people's phone calls, if you'd been talking to him, fair enough but you weren't. Obviously give him some leaway as he's worried about his Mum, but it's in no way your fault.
We also referred to Judith Chalmers as just Judith. Think it's growing up with Wish You Were Here, sort of joke familiarity.

Presumably there is no one in your family called Fiona or your first thought would be of them. If your mother in law was called Fiona the she wouldn't have just said Fiona would she. I can't see how you think it's even remotely similar?

OH so the ' mean girl' pile on has started. Bless your little hearts for not being able to understand a basic concept 😂😂😂

It was thoughtless and it sounds like it's not the first time, he's obviously and understandably upset, just leave him alone for now, apologise if he reaches out. I don't understand why you said Judith though, you didn't know the woman and you knew it is his mums name. If this is a true story you have to be more careful in future.

I'd give him some grace. You haven't done anything wrong really but I can understand his upset, even though his mum isn't dead, he still had to go through the emotions of thinking she was, even if it was only for a very short period, he will need to process that emotion.

Also, am I the only one who thinks of Mingogue rather than Jenner when hearing the name Kylie?

No, I think Minogue too.

Is this one of those ‘are you old’ questions?

Well on 'Someone's dead' I think Grace Archer in 1955. 'Grace is dead' the evening newspaper headlines said.

I'm not old enough to remember it, but it was much talked about at the time.

You were speaking to your sister, not him, so he is being unreasonable.

The only Judith I know is Judith Chalmers (RIP).

Ditto the wives who 'discover' things about their other halves when they 'accidentally' scroll through his phone?

This. You can’t always blame your ADHD. You still need to take personal responsibility for your actions and what you say to people.

It reminds me of something that happened years ago. My sister has a son called let’s call him trevor. She called and was seemingly in massive panic and distress ‘Trevor has hanged himself’. It was not her son. It was a very distant relation called Trevor that we didn’t know. She was always a drama queen wanting attention

Overreaction from your husband. You made a mistake. You clarified immediately and apologised. I think most peoples response would be something "FFS you nearly gave me a heart attack" and move on. I think your husband's response is not normal.

Wouldnt your husband be notified first if his Mum passed away? The whole thing is weird

He’s being a DQ
Does anyone remember the episode of Celeb Big Brother when they thought David Gest who was a contestant, had died and Tiffany went into meltdown?

Your OH is being a twit. Everything is not about him.

If he's worried about his mum. I'd say his reaction was very normal.

Surely you would have realised what it sounded like?

I agree, very doubtful the op would get a notification but he is stressed, not thinking clearly and on edge.

I've lost almost my entire family over the last two years, and I've never acted like a tool.
As TS Eliot said, goodnight,sweet ladies, and best wishes to you,OP.

Except his mum is very ill. So yes it is about him.

He thought his mother had died … I’d be absolutely furious with you so no his reaction isn’t too much!

Easy to realise when you’re relaxed and not connected. Less so if your waiting on that phone call

Thinking from his point of view it was a split second of awful fear. Immediately corrected.

Unless his Mum is somewhere too far away, he could have just said that was awful and gone to see her. No need for the extra drama, the extra reaction is out of proportion to what happened.

Failing to understand your closest person sounds like something he needs to address

I think you just acted like a tool on the internet.

You were unreasonable to say that and you are unreasonable not understanding how upset your husband is. I can understand that this was a strong straw that broke the camel's back if you have a form for blurting things out. It is annoying longterm. Not being able to help it is one thing but not owning it and not understanding the effect it can have is another.

And it sounds like the status quo is that is always about OP