MIL let DD aged 5 get sunburned but DH thinks we should just be grateful she had her and gave her a nice time.

[Sophiehoney]

I AM grateful MIL had her and she had a nice time.

HOWEVER, she's been at MIL's all day, playing in the paddling pool with her cousins and she's come home with sunburn all over her shoulders, neck, top of her legs, and all down her back and is in pain.

I put suncream on her before she went there, and when we dropped her off, I told MIL there was a bottle in her bag and MIL said don't worry, I've got loads here.

But she obviously hasn't topped it back up and DD is burnt.

All I want to do is WhatsApp her a picture and say thank you so much, she had a great time but a reminder that she must wear suncream when she's out in the sun and in a swimming costume.

DH says no, it will just make her feel bad and make us seem ungrateful and what's done is done now, we'll make sure we remind her more frequently next time.

I think a picture now will have more of an effect and she will remember next time because she obviously didn't listen to my reminder this time.

I do think that one way or another you need to let mil know so she can prevent it happening again when she looks after her

I guess if it was 12c in April the child wouldn't have been stripped off down to pants/ swimsuit by the pool all day. The heat led to the adults in charge putting the child in danger without sensible clothing or UV protection.

The success of your communication with MIL depends on your relationship with her.

If you get on well with her and she was doing you a favour by looking after your child, I would certainly do what another poster said and say thank you for having her, she had a lovely time but she did manage to get quite badly burned. In future she must wear her rash vest and I’ll have a word with her to make sure she knows this for next time. Then you’re getting the message over without causing offence.

As a grandma I would absolutely want to know if I had acted in a way that had caused my grandchild harm.

Dad should send the message

It certainly wasn’t that hot where I was!
i was wearing jeans, hoody , t shirt and coat on the Devon / Cornwall border!

We used to use cooking oil and lie on our extensions. We are also the sunbed generation. As dark as our Elizabeth Arden toasty beige, sponge on foundation was, it didn't beat having a tan. White wine consumption increases skin and breast cancer. However I do think around ten years ago the figures were inflated because of WW2 egypt etc campaign veterans. Men definitely didn't wear sunscreen.

It wasn’t very hot today!
I was wearing hoody, jeans, t shirt & coat on the Devon/Cornwall border!

It certainly isn’t hot!
I wore jeans, hoody, t shirt & coat today on the Devon/Cornwall border

Today wasn’t warm, I wore jeans, hoody, T-shirt and jacket on the Devon / Cornwall border

Yes. Exactly this.

Tbh it doesn’t always do anything, DH burns like a bitch, he’s forever topping up but still burns. My face is the same aswell.

Agree-some people genuinely believe that certain creams just need to be put on once, and so MIL might not have known. As long as you explain politely, OP, there should be no issue.

It doesn’t matter if it’s warm or not, it’s the UV
and not everyone is where you are, it’s been 30c in parts of London with a high UV

She didn’t send the rash vest with her dd because the mils plan was a walk in the woods. Some communication about this is needed to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Personally I’d say we have a hard rule of no swimming outside without the long sleeve top.

Nope

Sending pictures seems unnecessarily nasty - I would tell her in person that you wanted to let her know DD was badly sunburned during this day out, and please can she be extra vigilant as sunburn causes very serious long term damage to the skin and increases the risk of skin cancer. You can be clear and not accusatory in person in a way that’s not possible over text!

Buy better sunscreen!

If she’s a bit flappy which sounds like she is then you just need to invest.

Recommend Riemann p20. They do a kids version. 10 hour factor 50 or 3 hours factor 50 in water. It’s really good. Even if you forget to reapply in water you’re probably going to still have some factor left.

Never let me down but it is expensive.

Actually she could have been on top of suncream application and it's washed away just as quick, that's talking of experience of our brood and being at the seaside and reapplying every hour and still not enough for one of them so now they have different beachwear to protect them. These things can happen still no matter how vigilant we are

Buy s long sleeve rash vest for her for next time. Your DH is right, it sounds like an honest mistake and you should be grateful she is taking the time. I would be upset too of course but it's done now and all you can do is change the future not the past. It's not worth starting a war over really is it? It's just a bit of sunburn that will be gone in a week.

Well you can but dew people wpuld expose that micj skin in those conditions.

Agree with this

Just knickers with no cream on on a hot day without suncream is negligence. She needs to know about the sunburn, and I wouldn’t leave her with my kids unsupervised until they’re old enough to remember own suncream (16?)

My mother would be devastated to receive such a photo. I have friends who have misjudged and seen their own children get sunburn in front of them.

It was an accident. Do not send that photo.

Be much much clearer the next time. Tell her multiple times and tell her the timings. Write them down on a piece of paper and read them out. Tell her you'll be sending reminders and do it. Explain DD burns easily and then in person say sunburn developed after you picked her up the last time.

I've no idea why you think I believe it's the child's fault they got sun burned. If you've read my posts, you'll see I suggested a multi-pronged approach to managing days out in the future - checking whether the MIL/babysitter did actually put suncream on/have the pool in the shade; pack for all eventualities and teach the child about expectations. Some posters picked up on the latter and commented on that only, which I then responded to.

If it is a normal part of the process that suncream is applied before swimming/during a break etc., then the child grows up expecting this and asks if it's time to put suncream on, or gets it out of the bag and puts it on their arms and asks a grown up for help putting it on their back etc. If you expect absolutely nothing from children, that's what you get.

This is what I think.

Providing or requesting photographic evidence is normally to corner someone, so it's quite an aggressive way to start the conversation.

Just provide a hat and rash vest in future and a bottle of sunscreen and say she needs more than last time as she had sunburn. If she doesn't believe you you can show it then, but why go in guns blazing till you know if she is apologetic and receptive?