MIL let DD aged 5 get sunburned but DH thinks we should just be grateful she had her and gave her a nice time.

[Sophiehoney]

I AM grateful MIL had her and she had a nice time.

HOWEVER, she's been at MIL's all day, playing in the paddling pool with her cousins and she's come home with sunburn all over her shoulders, neck, top of her legs, and all down her back and is in pain.

I put suncream on her before she went there, and when we dropped her off, I told MIL there was a bottle in her bag and MIL said don't worry, I've got loads here.

But she obviously hasn't topped it back up and DD is burnt.

All I want to do is WhatsApp her a picture and say thank you so much, she had a great time but a reminder that she must wear suncream when she's out in the sun and in a swimming costume.

DH says no, it will just make her feel bad and make us seem ungrateful and what's done is done now, we'll make sure we remind her more frequently next time.

I think a picture now will have more of an effect and she will remember next time because she obviously didn't listen to my reminder this time.

I know! Yesterday I saw a post where comments were excusing parents who left babies in their cars - actually forgot their own child and the child then died from heat. That's OK but accidentally sunburn on MIL's watch? Hang her 😅

How do you know she didn’t top up the sun cream? I burnt as a kid and my mum smothered me in cream. Sometimes the sun is still strong. My oh burnt last year even when wearing factor 50! It’s so quickly done. Just smother her in after sun. Don’t send the pic of her burnt, but if mil asks did she have a good time I’d say yes, but she was quite burnt 😬

I’m not saying it didn’t exist I’m saying it never even crossed MY parents mind. So I wouldn’t have expected them to think about with my own kids.

She'll be fine - we all get a bit of sunburn at some stage.

So your parents still don’t use sunscreen on themselves?

Because any adult that uses it would definitely know a child should.

This is v dramatic. My sons face got burnt today and I applied cream at least 5 times. I wouldn’t dream of sending my MIL a text like that, presumably your relationship is otherwise good as she looks after your child for you. Just remind her next time in a nice way.

My kids went to my parent’s today in rash vests and sun hats with 50+ protection, we sent the sunscreen but there are other things you could have done as a parent.

I think it depends. My MIL wouldn't have bothered reapplying it at all. My Mum would have been grabbing every hour and slathering it on while my Dad was saying to just let them go brown 😂🤦‍♀️. I used to get burnt sometimes because you need to put it on thick enough/wait to go into the sun or water/apply it regularly etc. and also in those days Factor 15 just gave you fifteen times longer so if the burn time was five minutes then an hour in the sun would see you burnt.

If your MIL tried her best then maybe be kind and give reminders. Obviously if she did what my MIL would have done then decidedly not.

(My Mum would probably have bought a cheap swimsuit too 😂).

Get a sleeved rash vest and long swim shorts that are SPF50 for all future sunny paddling pool days

I actually DON'T think it's passive-aggressive to send a pic with the accompanying text - your message is polite, grateful & completely explanatory. Nothing wrong with pointing out the consequences - personally, I WOULDN'T be offended to receive such a message. You're protecting your daughter & rightly so.

FFS!
You pay the price for sunburn later in life, like 20 years down the road.

There's a nicer way to bring this up.
Saying "reminder" sounds like she is a member of staff. I wouldn't use that word.

thank you so much, she had a great time. I just need to let you know that she got sunburnt today, though. We need to figure out how to make sure she doesn't get so sunburnt next time.

... would sound more collaborative than dictatorial.

On this situation dh would deal with it as I’m lick a bull in a china shop so he would be “forced” to say something or I definitely would..

i would probably get him to message asking what suncream dd was topped up with as she has burnt patches over her body from the sun and you want to know which suncream didn’t do its job properly so you don’t use it again.

this way she knows dd has been burnt and she didn’t do her job properly but you aren’t directly saying she did a shit job, I also wouldn’t leave dd alone with her again.

I feel like you just tell her next time that she should really re-apply sunscreen cause she got burned the last time.

Hat, long sleeved and short legged sun suit. Make sure you apply f50 waterproof cream when you arrive at MIL’s or if MIL collects her before they leave. Sunburn is cruel and very painful. Water reflecting the sun makes it much easier to burn. Don’t message MIL as she clearly thought DD was having a great time. Just tell her next time DD goes.

This

This

Why is everyone hung up on sending rash vests, etc Why would they do that for a walk? The paddling pool WASNT the plan

Put the aftersun cream in the fridge its really really soothing make your wimpy husband deal with the night time tears maybe next time he will think of his daughter rather than mummy's feelings

Even if she did top it up it would have come off in the pool and it's not enough for the mid day sun especially if it's on parts not normally exposed like torso. This is really serious and DH needs to come up with a plan to communicate this. She shouldn't have been in the sun that much, not during the 11-3 period, the paddling pool should have been shaded and certainly not in just her pants. She should have been in a t shirt as well.

Perhaps read the OP again. It certainly sounds like a day around the paddling pool was the plan. The child was applied with suncream and wearing a swimsuit, with Grandma looking after numerous children and she had plenty of spare suncream at the house.

Only later did it become expected to be a walk in the woods and the child was stripped down to pants due to a change of plans.

A rash vest would have been sensible in light of the initial post. The subsequent post indicates a completely different situation.

I’d keep young children out of the sun or completely cover them up. As slathering all this sun cream on delicate skin is not good you don’t really know what all the chemicals would do long term or how it will affect their skin later in life. Specially many layers upon layers in one day. But I understand that we are all brainwashed into using sun cream and to avoid skin cancer. And young skin burns easy. It’s a difficult one really.

I think it's fair to ask mil to double check what Suncream she used on your child as some aren't waterproof and she's very burnt. And then remind her that it needs reapplying and she can only be in the water with it for so long and it needs to be factor 50.

I think there's a lot more awareness around sun safety now in fairness, I'm only in my 30s and remember playing in just pants and being absolutely roasted to the point where I was too sore to sleep more than once. So if its first grandchild especially it may be why she's been lax on it.

Some suncreams have also been found to be less effective than others so would do no harm to just say you'd rather she used the Suncream you provide and top it up hourly or when they get out of the pool.

I think your dh should be doing this though- his family his responsibility to address issues affecting you and your child. It's entirely possible to be grateful to mil and glad dd had lots of fun with her while still pointing out that this was not okay. You don't need to be rude about it which is why I wouldn't send a photo but it needs addressed to make sure it doesn't happen again. It's concerning that your dh is more worried about not offending than what is a very clear safety issue regarding his child.

Rash guard vests are way better than sunscreen

It all depends on how you word it, call as messages can be read in a different way they were intended.
tell her your concerned the sun cream had little to no effect and maybe you should go to the gp. She will either agree or confesses she forgot

She shouldn’t have been allowed to stay in the paddling pool all day, high risk of heart exhaustion, burning and too much exposure, sunscreen or not, It’s not the bloody 1970s!

It’s too late now though, I would be upset but don’t think you can do much but suck it up. I would however seriously rethink future arrangements and whether MIL is capable of looking after DD properly, especially in hot weather.