MIL let DD aged 5 get sunburned but DH thinks we should just be grateful she had her and gave her a nice time.

[Sophiehoney]

I AM grateful MIL had her and she had a nice time.

HOWEVER, she's been at MIL's all day, playing in the paddling pool with her cousins and she's come home with sunburn all over her shoulders, neck, top of her legs, and all down her back and is in pain.

I put suncream on her before she went there, and when we dropped her off, I told MIL there was a bottle in her bag and MIL said don't worry, I've got loads here.

But she obviously hasn't topped it back up and DD is burnt.

All I want to do is WhatsApp her a picture and say thank you so much, she had a great time but a reminder that she must wear suncream when she's out in the sun and in a swimming costume.

DH says no, it will just make her feel bad and make us seem ungrateful and what's done is done now, we'll make sure we remind her more frequently next time.

I think a picture now will have more of an effect and she will remember next time because she obviously didn't listen to my reminder this time.

Also saying something next time bundles it up with the normal process of a few words about what the child requires before leaving a child in someone's care.

Sending a photo now is a "thanks for nothing" complaint. I understand you are cross but I think you can achieve the practical outcome you need without that.

This

This l agree

This. It’s not a base tan it’s sun damage. Skin cancer is no laughing matter. Irresponsible at best from MIL.

Don’t send a pic, tell her that your DD is in pain and sore. We don’t know how to handle the sun in the Uk (assuming you’re here), people in routinely hot countries aren’t out damaging their skin in the hottest part of the day. As I say, irresponsible at best.

Send the photo. It will serve as a reminder for next time

I was also going to say that the sunscreen may well have been out of date. In addition did you clarify what factor she was using. I would not use less than factor 50. Also you need to be making sure that young skin stays in the shade.

If child is burnt badly enough to be in pain then that is serious burn. Granny needs to be told in a factual way. You can include yourself in the “let’s learn from this conversation”. Tell Granny that the bloody sun is dangerous. “We” can’t let her get burnt again so going forward this is what we will do…. I hope she feels better soon.

I’d speak to her face to face and show her the photos. Be clear about what sun protection is required. If she won’t do that, then no more babysitting.

This is the way to go

Upsetting but why didn't she have a rash vest on?

Because she was meant to be on a forest walk not a pool day.

I’d be fuming personally, I have a very fair haired child and have to reapply frequently.
You’ve mentioned the plan had changed which is why she didn’t have her usual costume, it might be worth in future always packing it/leaving a spare.
I would say something on the basis that if it were my own mother I would absolutely say something about it, I don’t see why a MIL shouldn’t be told that she’s allowed her get burnt on her watch.
Sorry but to me, it would be a form of neglect. When I’m looking after my nieces/nephews I’m always more cautious with them then my own children.
I don’t think I know any adult within my direct family that would let a little one sit in a paddling pool with just her knickers on and not think to put it in the shade, pop a t-shirt on her or reapply sun lotion very frequently.
Your DH bar must be very low if he thinks you should just be grateful that she ‘looked after her’ which tbh she didn’t do an adequate job of!

You learn very quickly that these things happen. I have 4 kids and it’s happened to me even with applying suncream. Water especially makes it worse. I would say chalk it up to experience. I found the easiest thing was to put them in a big baggy tshirt when in the paddling pool with a pool hat on.

This had me torn, as a GM I would feel so upset if I was sent a picture of my Gds sunburn and very guilty. I am sure it wasnt done maliciously and I know its no excuse but you MIL is from a different age we used to have salt baths to "take the sting out" and maybe she just forgot when she had lots of grandchildren to care for, mention it but dont send a photo unless shes such a dreadful GM you dont care about your relationship going forward. Maybe get your husband to say it. I would be very sorry but it would depend on how I was told no one likes to feel lectured or humiliated.

How about having a grown up conversation with your husband and MIL.

The world has been warned about the damage re sun rays and skin cancer for years.

Has they both been living in a cave?

Tbf it’s the first proper hot spell of the year and sun cream even if applied regularly isn’t necessarily enough. My dc are half Cypriot with olive skin and still need to come out the sun even with cream on at this time of year. I’d have sent a rash vest of water play outdoors was on the agenda

Your MIL should really know better.. after all she has been a parent herself! You reminded her about reapplying when you dropped your girl off, she should have really been on it. All those saying she might not know suncream washes off..?! 🙄 Yes, thank her for having her, ask if she did put more on, because look….
*or she might not feel the need to, next time.

This is much like when posters go well your mil can’t be that bad she raised your husband… like that excuses fuck ups than continue to get made.

Yeah she should but also. I don’t think my parents knew sun cream existed in the 80s/90s and I’d not be lying if I said I was probably 18 before I actually put any on.

You are being unreasonable. Mine have been out all day in shade. In and out of the pool with sun cream and still got burnt.
put her in a rashie next time. Décathlon have them.

How old are you?

Im in my 30’s and sun cream was definitely used a plently in my family. Rather looked like frosty the snow man at times I swear.

I remember in the 90’s on holidays seeing a metal stand of it at every shop aboard pretty much and at the seaside.

How old is your daughter? If she’s under 5 I would be very upset. If an older child, I would tell them to remind the grandparent about the suncream. Especially if your MIL was looking after many children on her own. You haven’t mentioned the age of your DD or how many grandchildren your MIL was looking after at the time.

Mid 40s

You probably should say something so it doesn’t happen again BUT when my DD was 7 I did everything right and somehow she still got sunburnt in a similar situation.

It is also entirely possible to reapply all day and still get burned, especially when in the water. Talk to her about it, but don't send a photo.

i am 42 and have been wearing SPF since I was a child, back when factor 15 was high! I’m a redhead so my mum got used to slathering me in it, keeping me out the sun 11-3 and not letting me on school sports day which was a full day, no shade on the field and not allowed to go inside