Urgent help needed please

[WingingItSince1973]

I'll try and be brief but I do have older posts on here if anyone needs background. So my daughter has a 10 year son who has been through so much in his short life. Abusive dad and then abusive step dad. Been hell. She got with another man two years ago. He had been in prison for domestic violence and the judge even said he was a dangerous man. She tried to reassure me he wasn't like that and it was a mistake. They got a private rent house together and he was now I see love bombing her and gs being the amazing partner and ,'stepfather'. My dgs had only just settled in school after years of school anxiety (he was on child protection from age 8 months to 2 years old because of his dad and we were asked to be his kin ship carer) My daughter seemed really settled, good well paying job etc. She had a baby 9 weeks ago and from a few weeks after the birth he has started being abusive. Refusing to help with baby, calling her the worst names possible in text and shouting them to her face. My dgs also told me he's been so scared in his house due to this man shouting at my DD even with the baby near her. So he was meant to leave today and it's all kicked off. My dgs has been staying with me because he's too scared to be in the house with her partner. My DD called me in the week sobbing because he'd kicked off and she couldn't take it anymore. So my dgs refused to go home this morning to get changed for school. He's had a few days off sick. He's also being bullied at school and is so anxious. I asked my DD if the partner was there and she said no but the way she was texting me I felt like she was lying. My dgs went home (it's a two min walk I can see her house from here) and the partner was there and immediately started on dgs so he ran back to mine. The partner was meant to be moving out today but he apologised to my DD and dgs on Wednesday which I saw coming and I don't think he is actually leaving today. My DD keeps messaging me that I need to send him home but he's refusing and now shes phoning me playing everything down and saying she hates me and will never confide in me again. It's been a very strained relationship since dgs was born and shes made some stupid decisions which has been negative to my dgs. I'm being made out now that I'm spoiling dgs. She's demanding him home that hes a child and needs to do what he's told. I'm doubting myself. Please pleas help

Hi. It's all awful. Social services has appointed a support worker to them. Everyone I've spoken to agrees its an awful situation. I've spoken to health visitor as I know her when she was my dgs health visitor and was at the child protection conferences. My DH emailed the school and they phoned twice to say they are keeping an eye on my dgs but because we don't have parental rights they can't do anything but monitor. They said they do check in with dgs anyway each day but knowing him he will say he's ok. They've doubled down on us not seeing him. We've had awful messages and my DD messaged DH on Friday to say she's seen a solicitor. She's monitoring his messages between dgs and us. Also my mother who I have no contact with has taken my DD under her wing (they live 3 doors away from each other) and is revelling in it all encouraging my DD to keep away from me, which has meant ive had vicious messages from a cousin saying that what an awful, messed up person I am to do this to a post partum mother. They all know the partners history of abuse but they are the type of family who like all the drama. My dgs turns 11 this month and I'm hoping he is coping ok. As I've said before we have practically bought him up. When my DD disappeared, did drugs, didn't want him around for weeks at a time. She's now acting like she's the best mother in the world. I just have to let things take its course sadly as seems I can't do much more.

If they have been allocated a social worker then that’s a good thing, the school will be involved and I would hope that your grandson will be spoken to alone by the social worker or he may confide in someone he trusts at school. I think it’s only a matter of time before the full truth is out and taken seriously. If you are not happy, you can report as many times as you need to social care.

What an awful situation, you’ve been so strong OP.

I think, sadly, things will eventually revert to how they were before. As SS are involved hopefully they’ll pick things up quickly. All you can do is wait in the background and be there for your DGS when he needs you.

It’s so hard though 💐

I don't feel very strong today. They've all doubled down on us not seeing dgs. I wish I never involved any authorities now as it didn't help my daughter and just made the relationship stronger. It didn't help my dgs it just cut us off from him. And I'm not seeing my baby dgd growing up. It's a horrible price to pay and I'm struggling to cope. They are all happy families now. Even my cousin waded in to send me horrible messages about how my actions have caused upset to my DD and that I'm mental and need help. I shouldn't have rushed in to help them. I've lost everything

i don’t think from what you’ve written that them playing happy families will last very long. We don’t know how it will end, but from their past history the wheels will come off again and you’ll be there to pick up the pieces. You’re in a sort of limbo where nothing has changed, things seem worse but it won’t last. Stay strong, I think you have done the correct thing because in the future if the police are called or the school involve social care due to something your dgs says, they will have a full picture. Doing the right thing doesn’t necessarily feel 100% right, at the time, but you DID do the right thing.

Thank you so much for replying. I'm really hoping I did but I'm being made out to be some sort of malicious mother. It's really hard because i know at the time we were so worried about them and the partner is so controlling. I miss them I really do xxx

Sending love, ❤you absolutely did the right thing. Your dgs knows you care, and I doubt this will last x

This. You did completely the right thing OP, and hopefully one day your grandchildren at least will understand and see you as safe harbour. Your daughter is an absolute disgrace.

Hello. Thank you to all that replied to this post. As it stands I'm still not able to see dgs. Neither are any of my DH side of the family. I'm NC with my mother as she's an abusive person and I finally took a stand against her two years ago. I never made or asked my dds to take sides as they are adults and I didn't think it was fair. As it is my mother has embroiled herself into my dds life (despite her always running her down and calling her degrading names). Which now means I have trouble from her and my DD has support for her decisions. This is my mother that always said my dgs would be better off with me and away from my dgs. She also knows my DD is with an.abusive man but as my mother absolutely loves drama she doesn't let an issue like that get to her! My DH has had an abusive text from the partner of my DD threatening us with court action and injunctions!! My dgs doesn't read my WhatsApp messages to him anymore. So I'm really up against a wall. I'm going to seek legal help but I fear my dgs will be listening to what's being said about us and being turned against us. This is my dgs that would scream every time we used to take him home as he didn't feel safe and then again last month ran to our house not feeling safe. I absolutely hate the partner but he has won hasn't he? Still heartbroken but trying to carry on. Please reassure me I did the right thing even though now we are ostracized from him and the new baby. I should have just tried to deal with it myself and I would still have them x

Oh OP. I am so sorry. Your heart must be broken.
We have to hope the authorities are looking into this properly and that somehow they will see beyond the veneer and your dgs will ultimately be safer as a result of your actions.
I am sorry it's turned out this way for now. Long term though you will be sure you did the right thing