Partner won't pay back what he spent

[Covermeinrainsrops]

Partner got a bonus in work this week (8k) he had known about it for a few months and in the meantime he used my credit card to buy some things and told me he'd pay it off in full when he got his bonus. He has bad credit so doesn't have his own cc.

anyway the bonus has came and he won't pay back what he spent he has said he didnt use it all he bloody did and it's clear to see on the transactions he did. We got into a massive argument about this tonight and he's refusing to send me the money to pay it off.

He has a second job so brings in more money than me and when I complain about money being tight he tells me I should get a second job but how can I we have three kids who I am primary carer for he works shifts then on off days he will do this second job. I pay for 80% of the kids things he doesn't realise how fast kids grown out of shoes coats etc.
i hate asking him to pay towards anything as it turns into an argument so I will just pay ot myself. But this credit card bill has now added on at least £100 to my already tight budget to try and get it paid off quickly. I can't even go up to bed right now I am so hurt he has put me in this position.

Where is his money going?.is he a secret gambler or has some other hidden addiction? You are better off without him. If he spent on your cc before and didnt pay it back why on earth would you let him.do it again? Personally I would leave this melt, but at the very least just stop letting him.use your cc

Why did you let him spend on your credit card knowing that he had bad credit and no credit card of his own? That’s crazy. How much has he spent on your credit card? Surely he would have some change from his £8k bonus if he cleared it? He needs to pay you back and you need to stop letting him spend the on your bank cards because it will be your name shown as having bad credit score, not his.
He sounds like a selfish prat. Do you really want to stay with him? I’m sure you could do better for you and your kids.

Op, I would say that you are enabling his behaviour by lending him your credit card when you know how he is but… I know that even if you didn’t, he would find a way to fritter his money away with no regard for his children/family.

Build your own savings pot without telling him, just so you can leave when you got tired or keep a roof over your head when he risk everything you both have.

Get rid of him. After he’s given you the money that is.

He is financially abusing you.

kick him out and claim child maintenance

Sensible advice : Separate your finances... Cancel the Credit card and get a new one and don't share it with him ever !! Don't get it stored in your phones or stores you use regularly too. So he can't use it anymore .

Petty advice : What did he buy with the money, sell it !!!

he said to me 'act like a c and you'll be treated like a c'

Well he has shown his true colours hasn’t he?! He is abusive and you need to leave him. Life is too short to waste of wasters like him.

You can't trust him, he's nasty to you, he doesn’t care about you

Please make him an ex ASAP

Hes a selfish prick and sees fit to leave you in debt whilst he blows it on himself? Has he bought anything for the kids.

That would seriously give me ick and would be seriously weighing up my options going forward.

I’d give him one last chance to pay up this morning and if he didn’t, I’d go to the police later today and report him for coercive control/financial abuse.

We get it, he is a lying user who is tight with his own money, yet goes through other people’s like water. But it is you have had not one child, but two with him-why?!

The money is gone. He is a liar and a thief.

Do not go on holiday with him. Make plans to leave immediately.

Start a new life without him. Life can be so much better. Your kids will be OK. This is no model for them.

The only cal you need to be interested in is the child Maintainence Services one
Boot him out today. Get your bin bags out and leave them on the doorstep.
And you can recover that £8000. The judge will award it to you when you divorce.

So he was provided access to your credit card - he must have been like a kid in a toy shop! There's no point in telling you that this was a terrible idea, given his history of never paying anyone back. Just please please don't do it again!

I can't believe he has the bare faced cheek to look at the statement and items HE has bought, and then says "that's not mine". WTAF?? He is gaslighting you and financially abusing you.

I had a friend like this at work years ago. Own flat, great credit. Then met a man like your partner. Within a few months, I was having to lend her £20 just so she could buy lunch. She'd sit there in tears all day because he totally trashed her financial stability, and then she had a baby with him.

Please look after your money. He will see you and your children out on the streets before too long.

This sounds like financial abuse tbh. He's done it before, where he has jointly spent money with you, but then won't contribute to paying it back, leaving you and presumably his children short. What was the money for this time that he spent on the card? How can he say it can't be all that much if it's there in black and white on the bill?

She’d be charged with theft if she did that.
Despite being able to prove that she owns it, it’s a strange little system that works very well in thieves and liars favour

Yet another story of a woman with a partner who treats her like shit and yet she had to come on MN to query if it’s really that bad. FGS what do we need to do to stop women getting into these situations in the first place? OP he is a prick and objectively a terrible human - he’s using and abusing you. He’s not a good dad, good man, good anything. Find your fucking rage and get rid of him.

I’d start putting all bills in a common pot and then keep everything else to myself. If he wants anything on your CC, say no and he needs to save up for whatever it is.

But most importantly, you need to find out why he’s cagey about his money, considering he even as a second job. This has red flags all over it.

I voted YABU because you need to LTB

He sounds like a great catch. Not.

So so hard to give decent advice on these types of posts, when it’s basically impossible to understand why on earth you remain in relationships with abusive people who don’t like you, respect you or behave like partnerships. I wish ops would include in the title the reason.
so, obviously in this situation he is being completely unreasonable, it’s miles away from how a decent relationship would function, but you are being unreasonable to subject your kids to living in this environment unless there’s a good reason.

This

And your "partner" is a CUNT. You should leave him.

You have two options.

You can decide you value the relationship and this “man” and write it off, accepting that you’ll never get that money back.

Or you can end things and take him to small claims court. It’s a £35 filing fee.

He’ll never change.
He’s wrecked his credit rating and now he’s moved on to yours. Tell your credit card provider your card details have been compromised and you require new ones. Do not share it with him. If he uses your card without your permission moving forward, report it as fraud. Tell him this is what’s happening (if it is safe for you to do so).
Personally I couldn’t be with someone like this.

You'd be better off alone