Partner won't pay back what he spent

[Covermeinrainsrops]

Partner got a bonus in work this week (8k) he had known about it for a few months and in the meantime he used my credit card to buy some things and told me he'd pay it off in full when he got his bonus. He has bad credit so doesn't have his own cc.

anyway the bonus has came and he won't pay back what he spent he has said he didnt use it all he bloody did and it's clear to see on the transactions he did. We got into a massive argument about this tonight and he's refusing to send me the money to pay it off.

He has a second job so brings in more money than me and when I complain about money being tight he tells me I should get a second job but how can I we have three kids who I am primary carer for he works shifts then on off days he will do this second job. I pay for 80% of the kids things he doesn't realise how fast kids grown out of shoes coats etc.
i hate asking him to pay towards anything as it turns into an argument so I will just pay ot myself. But this credit card bill has now added on at least £100 to my already tight budget to try and get it paid off quickly. I can't even go up to bed right now I am so hurt he has put me in this position.

This would be a deal breaker for me.

This is financial abuse.
show him the bill with his things highlighted put it in writing he owes you by the end of the week. If he doesn’t pay it take him to a small claims court. Then make a plan to leave him as he doesn’t like or respect you and he’s a liability.

That is plain theft

Do not let him put a single thing on your credit card again. Sorry but I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone like him. Why isn’t he contributing to necessities for his own kids? He needs to use some of that bonus to buy summer clothes / new uniform for September etc. He is taking the P.

It sounds like you need to cut up the credit card if you’ve consolidated other debt onto them for zero interest, or you’re just accumulating even more debt. Get rid of this loser, get some support from UC and you’ll probably be a lot better off instead of living with a man who offers little in the way of financial support.

He’s had an£8k bonus and has bad credit ? What does he do for a fucking job?

Let me guess who pays all the rent and bills!

Do not lend money to someone who is bad with money, EVER. I have made this mistake and it costs me thousands that I will never see again.

Dump him and never let him touch a penny of your money again.

So what are you going to do about this?
He's abusing you.
Start making your plans.
You'll be so much happier not having this heartless excuse of a partner in your life.

This is not a relationship. He's selfish, he calls you names, he doesn't support his own kids. I wouldn't be able to be around someone like that as I would have zero respect for them.

Do you think your life would be better without him? Can you leave? Who owns the home?

If you left him, he would struggle to rent/ buy if he needs to move out as he has bad credit. He also wouldn't be able to have a second job if he has to look after the kids some days. It sounds like he needs you more than you need him. Maybe he needs reminding of that before he thinks it's OK to rob you and swear at you.

Why are you with this man? He sounds appalling and you deserve better. You’d be better financially if you split up and he had to pay child support.

How much did he spend?

OP why are you with this man? Honestly, what does he bring to your life other than financial and verbal abuse? He is wearing you down slowly but surely. If you lost your job or had some other life crisis would he be there for you? Doubt it. This is not a partnership which resembles marriage, which after 2 children together would be reasonable, this is just sharing space.

Has he bought anything of value with the money? Or does he own anything of value? Computer or video games or TV? If you feel safe to, tell him XYZ will be listed on Vinted/ebay/marketplace as you need money to pay his debt.

Is the house yours? Or in your name? Thank him for showing his true colours and ask him to leave. Pack his bags for him.

As someone else mentioned, block your credit card immediately. Don't let him ever spend another penny of your money and remind him of this if he ever argues the point.

I hope you feel safe enough to take steps to remove yourself and your kids from this abusive relationship.

What on earth did he spend £8K on? I would sell it on if you can and recoup that way oh and in the meantime be making plans to LTB

So he has form for this? Why did you let him spend o your card again? In fact, why are you with him?

Op I am absolutely livid on your behalf.

I think in some ways he has done you a favour because this can be the point at which you seek advice from CA and say “no more”. Once trust and respect goes, love cannot thrive. You can never feel safe or at peace with this man ever again.

As far as the goods that YOU bought for him goes, they are YOURS so please sell them to pay off your credit card. When that is done, report your cc stolen and get a new one in your name and hide it. Separate all of your finances from his and that means moving addresses too,

Do you have family or friends who can support you to leave him? It will be incredibly tough but worth it for the peace of mind.

I don’t suppose you have any brothers who are 6ft 3” rugby players who can persuade him to pay you back before you go?

As far as your relationship goes let’s look at the facts:

-he is a liar who is not true to his word
-he is not trustworthy
-he is not a good provider for his children
-he is not a good father or husband
-he is not reliable
-he is utterly selfish
-he is abusive financially and verbally
-he is a thief and a cheat
-he is a despicable human being

You cannot ever feel safe with a man such as this and nor can your dc.

Op I am sorry to say this but I suspect that this man may not be paying you back because he has more debts than you realise. Is there a possibility he has a secret gambling debt? Or the second job is another relationship? Just be careful because borrowing money and not paying it back and then attacking you verbally can be red flags that he is covering up even worse behaviour, Even if what you have described above is the extent of it, that is more than enough grounds to leave him. He doesn’t even contribute to his own dc fhs. Please, please leave him.

Can you cancel the holiday and get a refund or take a family member or friend instead?

Seriously, why on earth are you going on holiday with this man? If my husband referred to me as a cunt then I would leave him the same day. Please, please don’t let anyone lie to you, abuse you, or cheat you out of money ever again. What would you advise a close friend in the same position? He is gradually wearing you down until you think this behaviour is acceptable, Get out now while you still have some self worth left!

Be strong op! And don’t allow anyone to treat you like this ever again 🌺

Kick him out and contact the child maintenance service, the twat.

This man is hopelessly irresponsible and you are enabling him by lending him money. Go to Citizens Advice for expert advice. Unfortunately this is your debt now and you may never get the money back from him, though I hope you do. Meanwhile you need to manage your dent as well as possible while you decide what to do about your relationship.

This man sounds like a complete clown blower.

All extremely pathetic and mean. What do you see in him?

Op this is financial abuse, he's just using you as a backup fund.

Having extricated myself from a prick like this before, can i recommend checkmyfile . Com as you might be shocked at the damage he is causing on your credit rating purely for association, and you need a good rating fir so many things.

Whatever this man is, he isn't your "partner" in any meaningful way and certainly doesn't see you as his partner (you're providing various services to him and he's using you and doesn't even like you, given the comment you said he made).

Op thinking about this some more I would be tempted to seek advice, get your ducks in a row, get all financial information together, pay slips, id, insurance details, car loans or whatever and pack up all of your things and that of your dc and move out and leave a note saying,

“behave like a cunt, then expect to be treated like a cunt”

It’s a disadvantage that you are not married in some ways but the good side is that it means you can just go whenever you want, you are free.

Do you own your property or rent it?

Again op, about the oddness and the caginess. Pay attention to that. I bet you anything there is something else going on that he is trying to divert you from. The swearing is a deliberate tactic. These men are all the same.

This is great advice.

Give warning to your bank and other service providers that you are extricating yourself financially from this man and wish to become an entirely separate financial entity.

This sounds like financials abuse to me, OP I think you need consider that you would be better off in many without him x

Tell him if he doesn't pay he will be moving out and mean it. If theres any 'things' he bought eg gadgets can you sell them or return anything? I would seriously consider cancelling the holiday too