Partner won't pay back what he spent

[Covermeinrainsrops]

Partner got a bonus in work this week (8k) he had known about it for a few months and in the meantime he used my credit card to buy some things and told me he'd pay it off in full when he got his bonus. He has bad credit so doesn't have his own cc.

anyway the bonus has came and he won't pay back what he spent he has said he didnt use it all he bloody did and it's clear to see on the transactions he did. We got into a massive argument about this tonight and he's refusing to send me the money to pay it off.

He has a second job so brings in more money than me and when I complain about money being tight he tells me I should get a second job but how can I we have three kids who I am primary carer for he works shifts then on off days he will do this second job. I pay for 80% of the kids things he doesn't realise how fast kids grown out of shoes coats etc.
i hate asking him to pay towards anything as it turns into an argument so I will just pay ot myself. But this credit card bill has now added on at least £100 to my already tight budget to try and get it paid off quickly. I can't even go up to bed right now I am so hurt he has put me in this position.

Your pos partner has conned you out of however much money he's spent and refusing to pay you back. He stole money from you and your kids. Change your pin #s, do not let him use your CC. His personal bank just shut down. Set up your own bank account and separate your finances because hopefully you'll be separating and filing for maintenance from this trash man. You have proof he used your credit card but you consented to that. So if he won't repay you, you either take the L or take him to court.

it's unreasonable that you consider this looser a "partner" he's no such thing.
financially abusive is a better word.
best you disengage yourself from him as much as possible, zero loans.
use a communication app.

She authorised payment for everything on her credit card. She doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Is your house rented? Who is on the tenancy? Kick him out if he isn’t and if he refuses call police they will remove him then tell him from yourself and behalf of us on this thread….. “Act like CUNT get treated like a CUNT’🙃

And of course, he didn't even choose to marry you!!

Think about that OP.

I simply do not understand why women do this to themselves. You obviously knew he was crap with money, even before you chose to have his kids, but still went ahead and did it anyway, and now you're lumbered with a man who will take, take, take, and gives you nothing in return, but the fear of being in constant debt.

So now, if you decide to leave him, (which you absolutely should) you'll have no money behind you, and have the added burden of 2 extra kids. I know you will say that your kids aren't a burden, but in the reality of a situation like this, they actually are, as because your mother's instincts wouldn't allow you to walk away from them, you are the one who will now be stuck in the position of taking care of them in every way, until they reach adulthood, whereas they should be a SHARED responsibility, but the chances are, that if he won't even pay you back money he's spent having promised that he would, the likelihood of getting maintenance from him, is pretty slim.

I'm sorry if this feels like I don't understand your position OP, but it really makes me so fed up when I hear this story time after time.

So, in your shoes, I would make it absolutely clear that you won't be doing ANYTHING for him, until he's paid you back in full, and mean it. Don't do any cooking for him, wash his clothes, clear up after him, or have sex with him, until you've got your money back. Don't do ANY of the little things that we all do for our men without even thinking about them. Then, IF and it sounds like a BIG 'IF', you get the money out of him, pay off the credit card, pack your bags and leave! If however, you get to a point where you're absolutely sure he's not going to cough up, then obviously you still need to leave, but I think it's perhaps worth at least trying to get the money before you do.

Oh, and if you have any daughter's, please drum it into them, that if they want to have kids, they need to get themselves a good career, BEFORE getting pregnant, so that they are in a position to not only pay for a roof over their own head, but also that of any children they might want, as quite honestly, it becomes clearer to me every day that the vast majority of men, are selfish to the core, and cannot be relied upon to take care of anyone but themselves.

Would small claims there take into consideration that he promised repayment from his bonus?

He’s not a partner is he? Worth a check that you aren’t actually better off without him? Look up the benefits you’d get and what he’d have to pay. And cut everything that costs you that benefits him. If you’d have to pay for meals on holiday he can’t come. If you’d buy food for him stop. Step back. Practice leaving him with the kids more by just walking out the door.

Absolutely no sex ‘I’m not at all attracted to men who take money from feeding and clothing their children, they aren’t real men. Thats you.’

No.

All payments on her card are in her name. If she did not authorise it and someone else used her card without her knowledge, then it should be reported as theft/fraud.

She used her card to buy whatever purchases he wanted. That is not fraud. There is no contract that says it has to be repaid. It's her money and she spent it how she sees fit.

You can't take on debt in your own name to buy stuff and then complain about it.

Cunt! You can say CUNT here

I pay for 80% of the kids things he doesn't realise how fast kids grown out of shoes coats etc

Why? Why do you do this??

Absolutely this!! What a loser he is. Change your pin and don't put anything on your card for him. Start thinking about whether you want your future to look like this; I bet the answer's no.

IDK what the items were but if any of them have any value at all, but not to you, stick them on your local 24 hour $1 auction page or whatever.

These are two separate issues in law.

For the credit card company, the debt is in her name, and she would be obliged to repay them, as there wasn't fraud, in as much as, she gave her card for him to use. I'm fact, she's in breach of her credit card T&C's as she's not permitted to share these details.

As between her and her partner, she might have a claim against him - she permitted him to use her card, in exchange for him promising to pay her back. The issue with this isn't that she doesn't have a claim in law, as she does. The issue is, if there's nothing in writing, it's quite difficult to prove that 1) this was what they agreed, and 2) he was the one who spent the money.

Well, for God’s sake. How do you not see what you need to be doing about this man?

You know his past poor credit history. You know he's not trustworthy yet you trust him. Think about it. You are allowing him to walk all over you and ultimately your kids lose out. He doesn't sound like a keeper to me. You can do so much better than him.

OP there really is no relationship here that's worth saving.
He's cold heartedly conned you out of your money, with no intention of paying it back.
There are children stuck in the middle who will suffer because of this.
Are you really still going to go on holiday with him???
I think you need to seriously think about your options here, because this doesn't appear to be a loving relationship.

You haven’t said what your housing situation is,

As others have said, print off the relevant statements, highlight his purchases, and tell him that he must repay you immediately. (How much does he owe you?)

If he doesn't, can you take whatever he bought and sell it/them? Whatever you get is at least something towards the debt.

Make sure on the holiday that you don't pay for anything for him.

And I certainly wouldn't be having sex with this conman ever again. If you can, start making plans for moving on from him.

I'm sure you know there's only one cunt in your household, and it's not you.

Yes, I agree that if OP wanted to take it to court it would come under contract law.

I don't think she can take it to small claims court as she consented to the use of her card which, as you say, breached the T&Cs.

As far as the small claims court is concerned, OP authorised the expenditure on her card so she has no redress there.

What’s does he mean he ordered it but didn’t use it all, what is it, was it shared ?

Seriously why are putting up with this? So many women on here let men treat them awful.

I’d get together everything he owned to the value of the debt and either pawn it or put it on Vinted/Ebay/FB marketplace. Any jewelry, games consoles, designer clothes and shoes, tools, etc. would all be gone. And don’t let him near your credit card again- never extend credit to bad debtors.

This is financial abuse.

Please get your kids away from him

He’s disgusting. I don’t know how you can still be with him after this.

IMMEDIATELY cut him off from the credit card. Cut it up and report it lost so they issue you a new one. Don't give him the number. Tell him he pays you back and starts paying his share or the relationship can't continue.
I'm sorry but he sounds awful.

This. And rethink your relationship. He's a free loading thief who thinks he can abuse your trust and help himself.

Get your ducks in a row and kick him out at the first opportunity. Men like that don't improve, they only care about themselves.