Partner won't pay back what he spent

[Covermeinrainsrops]

Partner got a bonus in work this week (8k) he had known about it for a few months and in the meantime he used my credit card to buy some things and told me he'd pay it off in full when he got his bonus. He has bad credit so doesn't have his own cc.

anyway the bonus has came and he won't pay back what he spent he has said he didnt use it all he bloody did and it's clear to see on the transactions he did. We got into a massive argument about this tonight and he's refusing to send me the money to pay it off.

He has a second job so brings in more money than me and when I complain about money being tight he tells me I should get a second job but how can I we have three kids who I am primary carer for he works shifts then on off days he will do this second job. I pay for 80% of the kids things he doesn't realise how fast kids grown out of shoes coats etc.
i hate asking him to pay towards anything as it turns into an argument so I will just pay ot myself. But this credit card bill has now added on at least £100 to my already tight budget to try and get it paid off quickly. I can't even go up to bed right now I am so hurt he has put me in this position.

Partner is a business term, so he behaves like partners do - they fuck each other over for a profit. Now it is your turn. You know what to do!

Financial abuse.
Get rid, please!!

His behaviour is disgusting, he's a terrible father and partner. You should value yourself more and get rid of him.

Honestly @Covermeinrainsrops why are you with him? What is he adding to your life?
He sounds awful
How much does he owe you?
He has repeatedly shown you who he is

Also wondering why you are with this man? There is no partnership if you are paying for the majority of things while he spends your money too on presumably things he wants, not needs.

Knowing he is bad with money I am not sure why you let him use your credit card. But I am also wondering if he is abusive if you had said no.

I think you need to seek advice on how to leave him - you are not married and sounds like you have separate finances, so maybe just the housing situation to sort?

Do you really want to remain with this man who doesn't contribute and selfishly keeps money for himself.

You've obviously been conditioned to accept this financial abuse, that's what it is, over a period of time and have some deep seated issues about not making money an issue in relationships and are prepared to accept you paying for nearly everything. This might be around you wanting a family for your children and not wanting money to be the issue in breaking up your relationship, but all of us from outside your relationship find it hard to understand why you have let this happen. You are saying an additional 100 on you bill (presuming interest payments until you thought he would pay you) is putting your budget out of kilter and are worrying about it. This is whilst he sits on 8k. He then creates a argument and is abusive to deflect from paying and make you feel bad and question if you are in the right or not.
No points for his originality. This is such a well worn path of control and abuse and his labelling you a Cunt shows he's run out of any original ideas. He has 2 jobs and gets 8k bonuses but a bank won't extend him any credit. This isn't getting better anytime, is it.

You can't change what has happened in the past, but this has to be your wake up call. You recognise he is mean, irresponsible and abusive and you now have to make the changes required to get him out of your life so you never feel like this again. There's loads of support irl to do this, from housing support, emotional support, legal support and, if required, support to protect the children and your safety. You have to turn to it now and get him gone.

OP,
My partner and I share everything financially...we support each other. That's the whole point in a balanced relationship. The fact he used your card, promised to pay you back and is now arguing it, despite the fact he has the money to pay you back and more, pushing you into a bad financial situation is financial abuse.

What does he bring to this relationship? You said you 'knew he'd be like this' which suggests a pattern of behaviour. It doesn't sound like he cares for you.

I wouldn't ever buy anything for him again, in fact, I wouldn't want to be with anyone who treated me like this.

I'd cancel the holiday, if you can get any money back from it, then I'd gather everything I needed to. Once you're broken up, I'd start a CMS claim so he won't be able to wiggle out of paying for his children.

He is showing you who he truly is, please believe him.

This man despises you. I would not stay in a relationship with him.

For a start I would hide his passport just before your holiday so he doesn’t ruin that.

Life is too short to live like this. 💐

I know it's easy to talk tough online when you have no skin in the game and it's somebody else that has to actually do the hard bit. That said, I wouldn't be putting up with this.

Either he's just that hopeless with money and needs it pointed out that he did actually spend that much and needs to pay it back (which it sounds like you're already doing) or he's just a complete pisstaker and doesn't respect you. Like, would he be OK if you'd spent his bonus and were refusing to pay it back?

First thing is to make sure he can't get his hands on your credit cards. I'd be keeping them under lock and key. Also, it's odd that he's this terrible with money but competent enough to hold down a job that pays £8k bonuses.

Why are you with this massive loser?

Cancel the card you have for him.
He's abusing you.
Why are you with him? He's disgusting. Stealing from you is one thing but why are you tolerating him speaking to you like that?

I would tell him that if he doesn't pay what he owes that you'll report the transactions as fraudulent @Covermeinrainsrops.

I know this will cause problems. BUT you can't go on as you are. It's financial abuse. And yes, illegal. Using your card without your permission is a crime.

This made me laugh 🤣 love how you also put CUNT in capitals 😂😂😂

Fuck that. What a spiteful twat. Do NOT let him use your CC again. Why would he even think its acceptable for you to be lumped with his CC spending?! Feel for you!

Never mind what he does for a job: what is he spending his money on if he's working two jobs but can't repay you OP? Is it massive debt, coke or what?

Report your credit card as lost OP and keep the replacement to yourself. He could easily have stored the details in his phone to use as and when he likes.

Well this is a mess… From a legal standpoint you have no claim to the money I’m afraid, basically because you authorised the payments so it wasn’t fraud and you have absolutely no written evidence he promised to pay it back. All you can do, as others have said, is highlight the statements and say you obviously wouldn’t purchase x and y (assuming some of it will obviously be things he’s into).

That aside, he’s a nasty abuser and you need to get your shit in order and leave.

I figured gambling but may be wrong.

So he’s had a nice £8k bonus that is all just for him.

On top of that - He’s self appointed himself another bonus by treating himself to stuff bought on your credit card (and left you in debt in the process).

He’s appointed himself another bonus by making you pay for 90% of the costs of the kids.

He also works whatever hours he likes while making you work whatever you can around all the kids - again making sure he has most money in the family.

There is nothing in this behaviour that says “partner”. It’s selfish selfish selfish. Take take take. Use use use.

You need to use this moment as a turning point, the bonus that broke the camels back!

Is it your home? Can you kick him out? I wonder if you might find yourself better off financially without him! He will have to pay CM and look into whether you can receive any universal credit.

Agree that there is probably more to this than meets the eye.

He works two jobs, he receives bonuses, how does he have the opportunity to spend so much money?

Cocaine? Gambling? A huge load of other debt that you have no idea about?

Please protect yourself op. He is way ahead of you in terms of deceit and you are just beginning to wake up to the fact that he is a deeply unpleasant, untrustworthy person.

That’s the trouble with falling in love and having sex with men. It produces hormones that blinds us to their other faults.

I spent the last 43 years doing what your doing, he had a CC and used it then every time the mortgage rate was due a renewal the mortgage broker always suggested to add the CC to the mortgage as it saved monthly payments! I spent decades robbing Peter to pay Paul whilst he was carefree other than going to work! This ‘man’ will crush you in the end, your kids will be grown and gone and you’ll look back and hate him for wasting your life on a man who doesn’t deserve you. When someone shows you who they are, believe them!! This will not get better he may pay you he may not and you won’t allow him to use your CC again…but do you want this kind of life, read all these replies we aren’t all wrong love, start the process to separate……

Is he an addict? What the hell is he spending ALL that money on - he talks to you like dirt - hes the cunt. Great Dad no doubt!!!

He stole money from you and called you a cunt when you asked for it back. Think about your children, do you want them to grow up thinking this abuse is OK? - they will either end up either being abused themselves or being abusers, as they don't see it as wrong.

I can’t believe someone would be so horrid. It’s one thing saying “I can’t see how I’ve spent all this”. I do that every month but to then saddle you with the bill? Honestly, the disrespect here is shocking. Try to get him to pay it back and if he doesn’t, leave. Cheaper to leave with that debt that whatever else he decides to build up and ruin. He’s the cunt.

Sadly all this

I took out a loan for my then dh. Why wouldn’t I ? Together? Married ? And yes he paid it

we split , and he stopped working and guess who is now paying for the loan at £3k a year

me as in my name.

your relationship sadly sounds similar to mine as in inlaid for all stuff for our dd.

you wouid be better off without this man esp for the way he treats you

any man who calls the person he is meant to love a cunt is one theirselves

you aren’t married so I would split. Least you don’t have to pay for a divorce (unlike me)

you will then get cms as well as possibly some uc depending on your income

you and your kids deserve better

he is a disgraceful being able to pay for it and not

LTB.

Verbally and financially abusive loser.