To feel done with life?

[Destinyisall01]

By that, I don’t mean I’m suicidal.

I mean I don’t see the point in any more life for me but I don’t want to hurt myself.

I’m no more depressed than I have been previously. Had counselling and medication. Don’t feel I need more.

I’ve done all the things humans are meant to do. I’ve had highs and lows, felt all the emotions. Had children.

I don’t see the rest of my life as a book to be written. I’m not excited. There’s nothing I want to do that is achievable for me. I don’t feel I have anything to live for that isn’t me sticking around for someone else. I don’t actually want to participate in life. I don’t want to go outside or see people.

It’s not a conclusion I’ve reached under dramatic circumstances. It’s more a realisation that I’m coming to the end of a book and I don’t care what happens to the characters after it finishes.

Does anyone relate?

It’s not the past I live in. It’s the future without the people who are gone that weighs me down. And really there’s no help out there that makes that bearable.

@Destinyisall01, thank you for your response. It is so sad. There is such a deep sadness and futility to life. It is always there just beneath the surface and the way you feel is an a clear reflection of this.

You are grieving aren’t you? I actually know someone who has had a psychotic breakdown. She will never heal, despite medication and psychiatry because she is grieving loss. She is such a beautiful person.

I had a breakdown also. 3 and a half years ago. I know I won’t recover from it. I lost everything. And the ones that came back afterwards are forever changed, forever broken in their own way. My mistakes have rewritten their lives and they are entirely different. My choices meant we all lost the heart of our family.

What choice did you make that was so bad and it affected everyone op

I swear I’ve read this exact same thread sometime last year.

OP, can you write a bucket list? Think of all the things you would love to do before you die - there must be something. Then set to work on doing those things!

It’s fairly niche and outing otherwise I would explain. It’s something everyone in my life knows about. Suffice to say I lost children due to it. As well as my job and my reputation.

I can't believe this is even a suggestion on a thread like this

OP, I sent you a PM!

For once I hadn’t read the full thread before posting, I was originally just going to put about the fact it was identical to a previous post.

Taking the op on face value, it was a suggestion to give something to look forward to in life. I do usually read at least the OP’s posts, but I was in a rush and thought any pertinent information would have been included at the start.

@Tillow4ever I can't believe it was a response to just reading the OP first post!

Seriously? A bucket list for people who feel like this?!

this is why I'm always careful to post on the "mental health" section. I actually hadn't twigged that this was on AIBU, no wonder some of the responses are so bizarre.

Well it helped me when I felt like that, so I thought maybe it could help the OP too.

I understand the thought but in all honesty the idea of trying to think of something to add to a bucket list that doesn’t involve leaving the house, going anywhere or doing anything seems impossible.

I’ve never travelled so I don’t feel a burning desire to now.
There’s no skill I want to learn.
There’s nothing I want to see or experience.

I’ve always been someone who could imagine a ‘big picture’ idea, but I live a life that can’t cope with the ‘little pictures’ that would make any of them a reality.

Thing is…. You don’t even want to do it for your children. Having a mother with this utterly bleak outlook on their life is not going to make for a remotely happy home @Destinyisall01

you are as bleak about your own life as you are about your child’s hence not wanting to give therapy / medication etc another shot. My mistakes have rewritten their lives and they are entirely different.. You child is young. You have not rewritten their lives…. They are full of hope, so much lies ahead of them. So much good stuff. But they need your encouragement and support to get there

Do you work? Have friends? Get outside every single day?

I’m not sure if you feel this is helpful. I’m also not so emotionally dense as to be unaware of your point. Hence my own feelings.

Are you a single parent?
I have no plans.

the school summer holidays are coming up…. Do you have anything planned for your child?

With respect, you cannot tell me that my decisions have not changed their lives because you don’t know what I’m referring to.

Yes I work, have one friend, and not if I can possibly help it. But as I stated before I do everything necessary for my dependent child. He has a very good life and is completely unaware that I’d turn my own lights out without a moments hesitation. He is aware of reluctance to be outside though. He knows there are places I can’t go.

Not planned, no. he has a very full life with events and activities. He has 12 clubs/groups etc per week so holiday time is down time and is more relaxed.

Perhaps plan a holiday otherwise it will be 6 weeks of him at home with you not wanting to do anything. He deserves something planned.

Does he see his father?

On what money may I ask? I have none.

He likes the down time in the holidays as I explained his life is full generally.

Yes, for a limited amount of time.

I'm not sure you are saying helpful things here @TuppenceM .

I was the OP’s son (well I was DD)

The point is I do the things I should do. I go out. I take my son to events and his activities. I talk to people.

But one day I won’t need to leave the house for him. And I can’t think of anything that would make me leave it on my own.

Ok I missed this.

Is there continued social services involvement with your son?

and you have rebuilt in the sense you have a job. That’s a positive