To feel done with life?

[Destinyisall01]

By that, I don’t mean I’m suicidal.

I mean I don’t see the point in any more life for me but I don’t want to hurt myself.

I’m no more depressed than I have been previously. Had counselling and medication. Don’t feel I need more.

I’ve done all the things humans are meant to do. I’ve had highs and lows, felt all the emotions. Had children.

I don’t see the rest of my life as a book to be written. I’m not excited. There’s nothing I want to do that is achievable for me. I don’t feel I have anything to live for that isn’t me sticking around for someone else. I don’t actually want to participate in life. I don’t want to go outside or see people.

It’s not a conclusion I’ve reached under dramatic circumstances. It’s more a realisation that I’m coming to the end of a book and I don’t care what happens to the characters after it finishes.

Does anyone relate?

I'm exactly the smae age as you and I feel exactly the same. I was also diagnosed with depression around about the same time you were. I've tried every medication, every therapy, even spent some time in the Priory, and nothing has ever really helped, so I don't know what the answer is.

I keep trying new things, and I meditate every day, but I honestly just feel flat, bored, and done with it all. If it wasn't for my dog, I'm not sure I'd still be here. So, you're not alone.

I hope you can find something that makes a difference for you one day. I really do.

I completely understand what you’re saying and feel the same

I’m quite a bit older, happily married for almost 40 years, financially ok, but disabled and about 90% housebound

If I could just erase myself, I would. I feel it would be better for my husband too as he could have more freedom to travel etc without me

I do exercise every day with physiotherapy - it makes no difference

I’m not on any kind of anti depressant and don’t want to be, I’ve never told my gp I’m just not bothered

38? Get to the doctor OP. You’re not 80, you have depression and I’d recommend medication.

Taking medication can be quite hard work though

I came off it three years ago

I like being off medication.

Anyway to @Destinyisall01 I kind of know how you feel. I say "kind of" because I still get some meaning out of music and art.

I find these threads reassuring. Life is over sold. And I always have this feeling that I'm supposed to be doing tons of things but then what's the point?

I'm not quite cured of the feeling I should've achieved more. But getting through the day feels like an achievement.

by the way, I'm not ignoring anyone who replies - just off for some mega dental surgery. Fun. Probably take me a few days to normalise after that. Wish me luck.

Harder than wishing you could be erased from life? I’m 31 and life is thrilling to me. I’m always going to new classes and trying new things and making new friends… I find joy in a cup of tea and a biscuit in an arm chair. I just think how people on this thread are feeling is so far from what a healthy mind feels that it’s a crying shame to just accept it.

And I’m not saying any of that to shame anyone or show off I just want people to know that it’s not inevitable to feel like this. To struggle against it.

Do you have a purpose in life? Enjoy your job etc? I think the coping mechanism I use is just staying busy and doing things that make me feel needed. No-one asked to be in this world, I just try to help my fellow travellers through it, that gives me sense of purpose. Who knows what the next world holds for us.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

In some ways, depression is harder than anxiety. I have had both. The anxiety drove me to want to get better. Depression usually manifests as “I don’t care if I get better” and then stops you from taking action.

Low iron, vit d and B12 (and folate) can all contribute to this feeling. Levels need to be at optimum not just the very low NHS cut off range.

I feel like this often. I also suspect I am AuDHD. But I always have the underlying thought that I won’t feel this way forever and that life is full of possibilities. Some days, I can get a boost even by doing something very small and I get reminded of how quickly things can turn around.

I think you're depressed and that it's the type of depression that's resistant to treatment.
Believe me when I say that there are drugs that can help when the first line , usual ones have failed.
You need medical help.

I’m sorry, OP, I know the exact feeling 💐

And like you said, I’m not suicidal. I was as a teenager, but that feeling subsided after becoming a parent. I could never put my child through it, but the flipside is that I feel a weird annoyance at being sort of “bound” to having to be alive, if that makes any sense.

And even weirder, I mostly enjoy my life. I love DD, I love DP, I don’t completely hate my job. I am hoping that once DD is independent and I can cut my hours maybe that will give me some respite, something personal to look forward to. At the moment I just feel like I’m in a constant rinse and repeat of obligations, thinks to take care of, people to look after, debt to pay off. Like a wasteland of boredom.

For everyone saying I need medical help, that’s not my view.

I’m actively choosing not to seek medical help because I don’t want it. I don’t want more years taking pills, talking therapies, coping strategies. It’s not that I’m too depressed to see that medicine will save me. It’s making the clear headed choice that I don’t want saving. I’am tired.

I don’t want to go outside because outside scares me. I do it, and I go to work because I have to in order to survive. I don’t go out with friends, I don’t go classes, I don’t find a thrill, excitement or enjoyment in anything to a point of feeling that having that thing in my life is worth living for.

I feel like this too often too. But then it’s also a luxury being able to feel like life is boring. I don’t think we are programmed to live in such predictability and comfort. I feel like people have lived with constant rounds of plagues and famines and fires and floods and wars throughout most of history. Not that that is any help to you.

I don’t know how much it helps to hear from someone else but I feel the same.
I don’t think I’m depressed, I don’t feel sad particularly just tired and bored of it all.
I am also 38 and the idea of getting up, going to work, coming home again, make dinner and go to bed every day for the next 30 years makes me think what is the point.
I am a single parent and make enough to just about cover the bills with no luxuries so there’s never anything to look forward to and I live in constant fear of suddenly having a large expense
I have no family (other than my kids) and few friends who have busy lives and I don’t think they’d miss me terribly.
I don’t actively want to die but sometimes wish there was a button I could press to painlessly disappear.
If it wasn’t for my children and my commitment to them, I’m not sure I’d be around
And before anyone says, I have tried a myriad of medications, I don’t find they help and the MH services in my area extend to “have you tried a hot bath and a nice cup of tea?” as advice/support

Depression doesn't need to be wanting to harm yourself or anything drastic it can simply be more an 'absence' of enjoyment or meaning. I think it's likely to actually be quite common and I definitely feel like this at times, although luckily not continuously.

Although it is quite reductionist you need to remember that the human brain thrives on learning and getting positive feedback in whatever it's doing. Obviously this can sometimes be damaging things like drugs or gambling. But people challenge themselves in less harmful more fulfilling ways like learning a new skill, travelling or doing anything new really. It might be that you're of high intelligence and need more or a challenge to get to the reward feedback that you may be lacking. I know that sometimes before you start you can think 'but I don't want to do that' or 'I'm not interested in any of those things', but they are often kneejerk reactions which is the depression preventing you from trying new things.

For me, I’ve tried lots of new things

I’ve started several businesses successfully, working from home

I have done baking, batch cooking, I make my own bread, crochet, draw, paint - I’m not physically able to go walking, hiking, play tennis or golf

I have a long history of animal rescue and currently have several pets

I have a purpose and contribute to our joint lives, but I still could flick a switch and cease to be

@ButterYellowFlowers fair enough we're all entitled to our opinion

I'm just saying, with all the stages I've gone through, I'm currently in a similar stage to OP

Life is extremely long. It certainly is for people like me. So I have no idea what's going to happen next. Or how the feelings will ebb, flow and change.

I had periods where I found medication and absolute lifesaver and periods where I found it a nuisance

Constantly managing this condition is very hard work. That's all I'm saying.

Really, I'm just hoping that everyone who feels the same feels heard and respected without somebody saying "you need fixing".

I'd be interested to hear any specific tablet recommendations.

I’m in mid thirties now and was diagnosed at 15.

My depressive periods haven’t always been suicidal, wallowing or crying. A lot of them have been this fed up feeling of just being “done”.

I felt I’d done everything like counciling and medication. I am now on a new medication which has changed things. Ironically, despite finding myself disabled unexpectedly, I am mentally, actually pretty okay.

In your situation, I’d look counciling again, but maybe a different type. Most is CBT. It’s not a one size fits all situation. I found a more humanistic approach worked- in which you are helped to come to solutions.

I would also try other medication. I’ve been on a fair few and found one I work with now.

I don’t feel like I’ve ever cured my depression but managed it. I think that’s a good aim.

This is depression, OP. I'm sorry.

lithium ,antipsychotic meds like quetiapine

Have you ever found anything in your life that gave you meaning, a reason to get up in the morning or some joy?

Yes, I know how you feel. Yes, it’s depression. Please look at the resources Mumsnet shared.

I feel the exact same way, @Destinyisall01

I love my husband. I love my children. I have family and good friends. I've even had a great career. Travelled the world. Loved the food, the wine, the experiences.

I am not suicidal. I do not feel depressed. But I find myself thinking once the kids are "settled" I'd be more than happy to just be gone. My youngest is sixteen. I reckon between 10 to 20 years from now I could happily shuffle off. Not at all interested in sticking around until I'm decrepit.

Yes, I have had joy. But not anymore.

I don’t want have to be medicated just to exist.

I would just like to leave life quietly.

These are well thought out conclusions I have come to. Not a product of depression. Just a clear headed understanding that there is nothing in my future that will make living worth it for me.

I get where you're coming from. I really couldn't care less if I knew I was going to die tomorrow. Living is hard work and really not worth the bother. If I was diagnosed with cancer, I wouldn't bother having any treatment.