To feel done with life?

[Destinyisall01]

By that, I don’t mean I’m suicidal.

I mean I don’t see the point in any more life for me but I don’t want to hurt myself.

I’m no more depressed than I have been previously. Had counselling and medication. Don’t feel I need more.

I’ve done all the things humans are meant to do. I’ve had highs and lows, felt all the emotions. Had children.

I don’t see the rest of my life as a book to be written. I’m not excited. There’s nothing I want to do that is achievable for me. I don’t feel I have anything to live for that isn’t me sticking around for someone else. I don’t actually want to participate in life. I don’t want to go outside or see people.

It’s not a conclusion I’ve reached under dramatic circumstances. It’s more a realisation that I’m coming to the end of a book and I don’t care what happens to the characters after it finishes.

Does anyone relate?

I think this too. I would let nature take its course if I was diagnosed with cancer. I'd just have any pain relief on offer. Obviously I can't know unless I'm actually in this situation, but it's how I feel at the moment, especially as many treatments would worsen my existing conditions anyway.

I feel the same!! I’ve been through an incredibly stressful five years. Have tried to implement change over the past year and whatever I do nothing works. I’m still stuck. I wrote for some ‘good news stories’ on my flat not selling but some mumsnetters just couldn’t resist with the downbeat, rude comments. They don’t realise there is a person behind each post on here and their snide comments can really affect someone’s mood. I feel very much ‘what’s the point.’ I am single parent and my child is my point and I feel so grateful but the rest - there is no joy. Just going through the motions when you have limited support. Sending love and solidarity and my inbox is always open if you want to chat - sometimes just chatting with someone feeling the same can actually be a mood booster xxx I’m off for (another) walk after work as it helps get those endorphins going!

But @Destinyisall01 you don't know what is in your future. None of us do. The only future you can see for yourself is one that you are imagining. And the future you are currently imagining is bleak, joyless and without meaning. However, that only exists in your mind. You will never live in the future, none of us will. We only exist in the now.

If at all possible, try to come back to the present and do consider the words of all those posters suggesting you could benefit from some help and that you are most probably depressed.

Your children need you. They need you to be well. Depression is telling you terrible lies, I am so sorry.

‘These are well thought out conclusions’. Maybe, but how well thought out can they be when the mind is sick?

These thoughts aren’t normal. That’s not a normal way to think. It’s not healthy or expected. It’s unwell.

I understand.
Don't know that there's much you can do about it.
I've also felt like this for decades, and I'm outwardly successful and have a nice life and no trauma and really very little to complain about.

But existentially I just... Can't be bothered.
I don't actively seek out death, and I do participate in life - work, friends, hobbies, travel etc. And I enjoy them, albeit in a pretty low key and muted way.
Just.... I wouldn't be at all bothered if I were to suddenly die or know that I was imminently about to die. I'm just not terribly into the concept of further life or experiences.
And if I could guarantee a quick and painless way out, I would happily take it.

Not through unhappiness, pain, sadness, despair or any of the things people assume suicidal people are feeling. Just... apathy. Lack of enthusiasm for continuing life.

And for all the people who keep saying "but look at this tiny thing and feel the joy of life!" - it doesn't work like that. And it doesn't need to be depression. I don't feel depressed in any way, and I don't score as depressed when I've tried out the various commonly used tests for depression.

It's more like someone saying "but taste this amazing chocolate!" and I'm like "I don't really care for chocolate, thanks all the same." - I can see the thing. I just don't experience it in the way that you do, it doesn't give me the joy it gives you.

I don't think there's necessarily any mental health issue there. As you can see from this thread, there are a reasonable number of people who feel this way. For some it's depression or prior trauma. For some I reckon it's just the way we're wired, and our "normal".
You're certainly not the only one @Destinyisall01

You say you have children, do you honestly not feel any joy through them? Do you not feel excitement to see how their futures play out, no pride or interest in their achievements?

I feel the same. I know I am depressed and I am just starting medication but I feel exactly what you say word for word.

I know what you mean OP, I feel the same.

Even in my 20s I never felt very 'attached' to life. As a PP said, it just seems to be the way I'm wired.

I'm now 70 and all my family are dead. My two closest friends died a few years ago, and two others are unwell. I have mobility problems which regularly cause pain. I do 'participate' in life, and I go outdoors and exercise as much as I can because that does help. But I am tired and fed up with it all, and I feel I don't have anything keeping me here (but like you, I am not intending to 'do' anything about it).

I often think 'oh well at least it'll soon be over'.

I felt quite similar when we decided that we'd have no more children. Like, what's the point in me now. And then someone who was very dear and important to me died at a young age and I finally got it. I'd previously only lost elderly relatives which was very sad but felt like the natural way of the world. This other loss did not and it hit me hard. It made me realise that all my "what's the point" thoughts were just plain wrong. We are all impactful and we all matter. You matter. I haven't stopped being needed as a parent now my kids are teens because I still need my own parents. What's my purpose? Who knows, who cares. But what can I bring into the world that matters? Joy, love, silliness, creativity, companionship, support, compassion. Sure I also bring grumpiness and mess and whatever else but that's all part of it.

It doesn't have to be exciting.

But it does very much sound like you need some real help and support from someone who actually knows what they're talking about. Please go and see your GP about this. Or have a phone appointment or call the Samaritans.

I think saying the OP can get better is very naive. And even if she can, why should she? We don't owe it to anyone else to keep living - except possibly our dependent children. Bloody hell, this may go on for years, and they she might get a spark of joy?? Blow that for a game of soldiers. It's not enough.
She's told us she's not depressed, she just doesn't buy into the idea that life is joyful. That is fair enough. She not asking us for reasons to be cheerful!
Good luck to you OP. I hear you.

I agree with @Bunnyofhope Of course you’re not being unreasonable. It’s your life, the way you feel about it is your business.

So, what do you suggest, suicide?

38 seems very young to 'have done with it all'. If you were 78, that'd be much more understandable. There must be little or lowkey things you enjoy, like the movies or a good book or buying stuff in a charity shop - anything really that you quite like doing, however small. You could try accepting that you like some little things, and spend your time trying to enjoy yourself. And see what turns up. (You never know, you might fall in love or discover some amazing new hobby or discover singing or whatever - something - later. Just wait and see.) Good luck x

Its like a deflated balloon that gets pumped up again, every day.
When you just want it to pop and be done with.

I've never seen exactly how I feel articulated so well.

Nobody would ever know. And nobody will. I'll just keep plodding along.

I have a partner. I’m not alone. It hasn’t changed my feelings though.

Books to be read
Languages to be learned
Recipes to be made
Foods to be eaten
Music to be listened to
Musical instruments to be learned
Art to be made
Drawings to be drawn
Animals to be adopted
Hikes to be hiked
Movies to be watched
Wines to be tasted

These are some of the things I look forward to doing. Not to mention everything related to my children’s futures! Do any take your fancy? Or others of your own? How old are your children?

I think you may have anhedonia - an inability to feel pleasure, especially in things you used to enjoy. It’s a chemical issue in the brain.
Or you may have burnout - I can relate to that. Feeling empty, flat, no energy, no interest in anything. I suggest just making yourself do things if you can. Make sure youre eating healthily, sleeping the right amount, staying hydrated, getting physical exercise. Speak to your doctor. Good luck OP.

Not to jump on OP's post but I'm not sure why people think listing random things to make one "happy" is in any way helpful.

She has a life and a partner, I'm sure she doesn't need a rundown of why other people experience happiness.

How old are your children? They deserve a to have a mum who is happy at the very least. I have read all of your replies but I would still urge you to seek help again, your kids deserve you to be emotionally present, to help them to grow into their best versions of themselves. This is going to sound harsh, but when you have kids, it’s really not about you any more. I do have experience of trauma, anxiety and depression so I’m not ignorant to how you feel but you owe it to your kids to try and get better.

OK so OP and a bunch of other people agree they find no joy in life, want to die but won’t kill themselves and have children and partners and friends but don’t care about anything or feel anything. But they don’t have depression, don’t want help or to change or be ‘fixed’. They just want to keep being mildly unhappy until death.

Why did you post then OP? What did you want from this post?

Books to be read- I read, but I don’t get excited for it
Languages to be learned-I don’t travel so no need to learn a language
Recipes to be made
Foods to be eaten- I have a long diagnosis of ARFID
Music to be listened to
Musical instruments to be learned- I’m not musical
Art to be made
Drawings to be drawn- I find this difficult
Animals to be adopted- I can’t do this
Hikes to be hiked- I don’t like being outside
Movies to be watched-I don’t watch films much
Wines to be tasted- I don’t drink.

That’s kind of what I mean. I don’t really live. I just am. I exist but there’s nothing really anchoring me to life.

To see if others felt the same. They do.

That was all.

God, this is bloody unkind!

It’s not a ‘keep being unhappy’ situation. Like there’s a choice. There isn’t. At least not one that makes the end result worth it.