To feel done with life?

[Destinyisall01]

By that, I don’t mean I’m suicidal.

I mean I don’t see the point in any more life for me but I don’t want to hurt myself.

I’m no more depressed than I have been previously. Had counselling and medication. Don’t feel I need more.

I’ve done all the things humans are meant to do. I’ve had highs and lows, felt all the emotions. Had children.

I don’t see the rest of my life as a book to be written. I’m not excited. There’s nothing I want to do that is achievable for me. I don’t feel I have anything to live for that isn’t me sticking around for someone else. I don’t actually want to participate in life. I don’t want to go outside or see people.

It’s not a conclusion I’ve reached under dramatic circumstances. It’s more a realisation that I’m coming to the end of a book and I don’t care what happens to the characters after it finishes.

Does anyone relate?

How? That’s literally what people on this thread are saying. That’s what has been described.

And OP has now confirmed that actually she just wanted to not be alone in feeling that way so those of us making suggestions etc can stop. Because OP just wanted to connect with other people who felt that way and she has.

I am going through this at the moment. The medication does not help. There is no such thing as in-patient treatment, on the NHS at least, unless you are of imminent danger to yourself and others.

There are loads of hobbies and things I like to do normally, the problem is when you just don't feel you can do them anymore. Like you're no longer capable.

So you do want to change and feel better if it was possible?

These are mood stabilisers and notorious for bringing on this kind of anhedonic state (I speak from experience).

CBT also doesn't work for AuDHD people, which is annoying as it's one of the few talking therapies that are more accessible.

As I said before, my reasons for being this way aren’t fixable. There isn’t a pill to change the past and all the therapy in the world can’t bring people back. What would I need to change to make a difference? What could I?

So you believe you feel this way due to bereavement and grief? Rather than being somehow wired this way?

@YouHaveAnArse I think it may depend on dosage and what other drugs are prescribed alongside them.
And obviously the condition being treated.
I can only speak from experience.

I believe it’s likely to be both. And to me any further attempts at ‘fixing’ myself would be an entirely wasted effort.

what changes when we start to recover from grief and trauma is how we emotionally process those events. No one recovers by reversing what happened, because that's impossible. But it is not impossible to recover and there are a million ways it happens.

But equally, for some there is no recovery.

OK, I hear you. And why would putting effort into this be a ‘waste’ even if it didn’t work? What would be the downside of trying if you accepted that it might not have the desired effect. How would that be worse than not trying?

Personally I don’t believe anyone is ‘wired’ a specific way and can’t escape that. Neuroplasticity allows us to change the way our brains work throughout life. The extent varies by person of course.

I’ve done therapy. My most recent one was every week for years. No change. Just thousands of pounds gone. So I change therapists? Just like I did last time and the time before that?

Medication again? And again when that doesn’t work?

It wouldn’t be worse. It would just be a thing that happened. And I’m too tired to keep finding energy for things.

Have you tried something more drastic like ketamine therapy?

No. I really don’t see the point of only being able to exist if I’m medicated.

It’s not a medication in the take it daily format. You are given a dose 2-3 times per week for 1 to 4 weeks. Then you take it once a month or so if you see an improvement and eventually you don’t take it anymore.

It’s meant to target parts of the brain that help to rewire thinking. It’s less like taking antidepressants and more like having a short term treatment.

It’s one of the strongest treatment options for treatment resistant depression. Some people have seen changes within hours of the first dose

I felt like this for a while (though in my case there was a trigger).
My approach was to think, I don't want to be anywhere, so I may as well be somewhere useful. And nothing will make me happy, so I might as well focus on making the people I care about happy.
So I plodded through, being useful, doing things other people enjoyed, and got some satisfaction from that. Then little by little I started to realise there were in fact things I wanted to do for me, that some of the things I did were more enjoyable than others, and it got better from there.
I'm also a great believer in the little picture. Don't worry about big happiness in the future. Just concentrate on the little nice things each day Sun on your skin, bar of chocolate, a good tune on the radio, and if you feel OK in the moment, that'll do.

I really like this. I’m going to try and get into that way of thinking.

I could have written this when I was in my thirties. I had severe chronic depression at 12, and after @22 years of medication and counselling, I didn’t believe things could be any different.

I’m now in my 50s and (obviously!), I’m still here. What helped me:

• I changed my meds. The ones I was on previously were keeping me at a level just above suicidal. The ones I’ve been on for 20 years sometimes allow me to be happy.
• I found a purpose: something I love doing that makes me glad to be alive. It’s a hobby that I’d like to turn into a career, but in the meantime, my goal is just to improve. That gives me something to strive for.
• I changed my life. I thought I had nothing to lose - I was suicidal anyway, and I thought I may as well take some risks and shake things up and see what happened. So I moved across the country, changed jobs, and started a relationship with a different kind of man. I’m not going to pretend I’m idyllically happy or that everything is perfect, but every day I’m able to find one or two things that bring me contentment and peace.

I try to be grateful that I have a roof over my head and good friends and a decent loving partner. I try to find little moments of pleasure in a good book, or a beautiful sunset or a good talk with a friend. I try to be grateful that I’m mostly ok.

I think this is the reality of long term mental illness. It really can take decades. I've been prescribed at least eight different psychiatric medications I can remember and there are undoubtedly more. Have seen therapists regularly for ten years. I thought I was unfixable until I got better.

I sort of understand OP.

I have a chronic condition that has taken away a lot of joy from my life and restricts what I am able to do on a day to day basis. I take medication every day which has pretty crap side effects too.

I’m not suicidal at all but I don’t feel positive about what lies ahead for me.

My only enjoyment in life is my two children who bring me great joy, but without them I genuinely don’t think I’d have strong feelings about whether I was alive or not.

I often muse about the purpose of life, how people find meaning in their life etc and when it should be considered as reasonable to just want to “opt out” etc i.e when people feel they have achieved all they can, or they have achieved all they want from it. Quantity of life versus quality of life and all that jazz.

I do understand your apathy OP. Not everyone has an inbuilt strong desire to live.

I get how you can feel like this. When too much trauma has happened it changes the brain. You had to just get up each day, get through the day and go to bed. It’s like being in survival mode.
I have seen ketamine therapy work so may be worth a try.

I feel exactly the same OP.

I'm 58 and have a medical condition which means I can't work and haven't for many years. It will get worse as I get older. I have no job and we have no pensions so old age will mean more pain and poverty, and increasing disability.

I have absolutely no friends or family and neither does DH. We are very isolated. DS is in his 30s and doing well so at least we've done a decent job there.

I used to think that by this time I'd be looking forward to a pleasant retirement, nothing fancy but the occasional walking holiday maybe. I've never been on holiday and nor am I likely to now.

I just feel like I'm done here. What is there to look forward to?

I feel you OP 💐

I don’t travel so no need to learn a language
Hmmm... I think sometimes it's not about the practical application but just the time consuming, mind occupying activity that means you're not just ruminating or sinking into your own negative thoughts. It's an old chestnut but it's sometimes about keeping busy. Hope that doesn't sound glib because I do sympathise with what you're saying.
I also think depression isn't so much sadness as numbness which is partly what you're describing. The world is not in a good place either. Sometimes a lifetime of not feeling right, disappointment and loss finally drags you down to a very dark empty place. Does your partner help you in this? Would EMDR be appropriate?