to let DS teenage friends visit despite DH objecting to the loo?

[powerforce]

DH and I at odds here. We’ve hit the teenage years and my approach is I’d rather our DS’s friends came over so we can get to know the new ones/ so they aren’t hanging around street corners aimlessly. Not a lovely area so this isn’t hyperbole.
DH is much less happy about this so trying to find a middle ground. His main issue is not the kids who have, so far, been respectful here. It’s the toilet situation - he has a bit of OCD around cleanliness and he is repulsed by them using our loo. I find it a bit icky but just do a wipe down each night (as I would do anyway) so don’t leave him to do it, but interested to hear other views on if I’m being unusually lax or if in fact it’s unreasonable of him to have a real issue with teenage boys using our loo🤔

ETA there have been some
smelly moments but nothing a spray doesn’t fix, and it is bodily functions you can’t really time….

I think it’s unreasonable

I’m sure they’re no worse than your own teenage boy!

Your husband needs to go for therapy if his ocd is stopping your ds having friends round

He's being unreasonable. You can't ask your son to bend his entire social life around his dad feeling a bit uncomfortable.

Dad needs to seek some support from his GP if it's having a major effect on his own wellbeing.

That’s very strange of your husband. You shouldn’t stop your son having guests because your husband has a problem.

Your DH is clearly reacting unreasonably. But this might not be something he can easily fix.

Your husband is being utterly ridiculous. He needs to get advice on how to deal with his unreasonable issues around this, preferably before he creates distance with his son.

My DH and I are very clear that we want to be the house that our DC and their friends want to hang out in. We know where they are if they’re here. Your DH is being ridiculous to let the toilet be an issue. Where would he rather your DS be?

This! I’m struggling to think of when I’ve read something more ridiculous about an adult.

He doesn’t want other people using the toilet? Does he never visit/stay at anyone else’s house?

Thank you! I genuinely wasn’t sure if I was being too lax. I find the mess they make (which isn’t much) preferable to them roaming the streets and any toilet mess (which really isn’t any worse than I think the national teenage average!) is fixable with my domestos spray and anti bac wipes in the evening before bed!

He’s being ridiculous, but I think I must be abnormally relaxed about these things because it seems to crop up on here frequently how horrible some people find it when other people use their toilet. Personally I don’t understand why anyone cares as long as they’re not defecating all over the seat. It’s a thing you sit on and do your business, you don’t eat off of it or rub your face or hands all over it. It gets cleaned frequently, generally with pretty strong cleaning products, so why does it matter who’s bum sits on it?

Your dh is weird.

Who even thinks like that 🤯

He needs help for his ocd if he can’t cope with his his sons mates coming round.

I honestly think he’d rather they weren’t in the house, he is very ordered about cleanliness and mess and it’s been the source of many disagreements over the years with younger kids as you can imagine.

Your DH is being ridiculous. I understand that he may not be able to help feeling this way, but surely he can't possibly think it's reasonable. How does he manage when you have other people over?

Is your husband a Mumsnetter?

I've never known a forum so obsessed with shit and toilets.

Of course YANBU, but some people have an attack of the vapours if a workman dares to darken their toilet doors.

Your DH has a problem.

It wouldn’t cross my mind about DS’s friends using our loo. We live rurally so often have them crashing after a night out and DS does the same at his friends’ houses.

In fact when they drop him off or pick him up they often use the loo. It’s reassuring that they feel comfortable using our facilities. We live in a home rather than a house so it’s not always super tidy, I think that they recognise that and feel welcomed. The funny thing is that they always take their shoes off but since they are all rural living ( two are from farming families) it’s normal to take off your shoes because they are inevitably covered in mud.

You think you may have been unusually lax by allowing your child’s friends to use your loo?
Really?

We rarely have adult guests over mainly because we both shift work and our DD has additional needs, so generally the house is quiet (apart from DS friends which I like as it’s nice to have some noise in the house and I’d rather they were here and I got to know them). But DH feels very differently and hates coming in to find them here.

That’s really sad for your son, I feel sorry for him if his dad makes friends unwelcome

It's foul to mess the loo and leave it for others to clean up. Tell DS he's responsible for cleaning up after his mates if they're so uncouth they don't think they should do so themselves!

But DH is ott to try and bar them from the house over it.

I remember being permanently barred from my best mates house aged 13 because I flushed the loo after 9.30pm and it woke the mum up?! Maybe she's your DH's sister?

Just the fact that you have to go in with the domestos and antibac stuff when they leave suggests you’ve got just as many issues as your dh.
Just what sort of cooties do you think your kid’s mates are leaving behind?

They definitely don’t leave a terrible mess, more a bit of normal Teen boy sprinkling / perhaps a bit of a smell/ maybe a streak left but tbh it feels accidental rather than deliberately rise. As I say nothing that isn’t sorted in 4 mins with some bleach and a window open!

I'm amazed at what women put up with from men really

Oh no that’s just because DD has an immune deficiency so I generally do a clean sweep of toilets / sinks each evening (we only have 2 so not exactly downtown abbey!) I am far too laid back to worry about cooties generally 😂