to let DS teenage friends visit despite DH objecting to the loo?

[powerforce]

DH and I at odds here. We’ve hit the teenage years and my approach is I’d rather our DS’s friends came over so we can get to know the new ones/ so they aren’t hanging around street corners aimlessly. Not a lovely area so this isn’t hyperbole.
DH is much less happy about this so trying to find a middle ground. His main issue is not the kids who have, so far, been respectful here. It’s the toilet situation - he has a bit of OCD around cleanliness and he is repulsed by them using our loo. I find it a bit icky but just do a wipe down each night (as I would do anyway) so don’t leave him to do it, but interested to hear other views on if I’m being unusually lax or if in fact it’s unreasonable of him to have a real issue with teenage boys using our loo🤔

Would he rather they went in a bucket in the garden?

DH is most unreasonable and should seek help for his problem with toilets.

I had to check it wasn’t a misspelled “loo”, to find another toilet thread. Unusual when it’s the DH weird about it.

Seriously though, it is hardly a valid reason to prevent friends coming round. I’ve never met anyone in real life who thinks so much about toilets!

That’s exactly how I feel. Since his sister’s diagnosis he’s had to grow up a lot and be more independent as we often have appointments for her, and I’m desperate to help him feel important still at home. For me, the fact he feels comfortable having friends over and not just hanging around on street corners is a win and if the cost of that is some home bargains smacks in his room and allowing them to use the toilet, I think it’s worth it! But DH strongly disagrees.

Snacks not smack! I’m not that lax 😂

Not sure what SOP means but obviously that was disgusting.

It wouldn’t make me think all workmen are the same though.

I listen to BBC R4 a lot. Some days ago there was a Doctor/Psychiatrist on who was talking about various character traits: Apparently OCD is mostly curable and where it is not (rarely) coping mechanisms can be taught (frequently). Your GP is probably the first port of call about your DH.

Huge radio 4 fan here too 😊sadly my DH would no more accept he has an issue than he would open the house as a public toilet.

Yeah, lay off the smack 😁
Your husband disagrees, though? Not just finds it hard to deal with, but actively considers it a bad idea?

That’s concerning

I love the sounds of DS and friends hanging out at ours even if I have to open the windows of the rooms they’re hanging out in. DH is being unreasonable.

a big pile of macaroni cheese, or jacket potatoes and beans, is my “feed hungry boys for less than a tenner” hack. Though mostly they bring their own stuff with them.

It wouldn’t cross my mind to ban them, so I think your husband is being unreasonable there. But I can’t say I’d be thrilled at a group of teens leaving wee for someone else to clean up. It feels like a lack of very basic manners.
But, as I said, I wouldn’t think of banning them. I’d just be silently judging their parents.

Your husband would limit his children’s social life because of his anxiety? Nope sorry no way - he is massively in the wrong here.

Also why do YOU need to clean the toilet?? If he’s so bothered he should donit himself.

He totally disagrees, the only reason it’s not become a serious issue between us is because I do the usual nightly clean of the toilets and he refuses to engage with cleaning up after them (by this I mean the odd crisp packet / water bottle). I probably do too much there but often it’s easier for me to just do it fast as my DS moves like treacle 😂so essentially it’s an undercurrent of
resentment from him to me for allowing them over and I refuse to not allow them over so not healthy.

Your husband's fixation on cleanliness has gotten so extreme it's going to affect your son being able to have friends over and family social life as a whole.

When his fixation affects normal activities for family members, it's time for your husband to seek assessment and treatment. I'd insist on this ASAP.

Oh, show your son how to do a quick wipe down after his friends have been over.

Why did he have kids if he wants a permanently clean and quiet home?

Either he loosens up/gets help (because his behaviour really is abnormal), or resign yourself to your DS eventually cottoning on to how unwelcome he and his friends are in his own home. And an early leaving home...

Your DH is being unreasonable. It's literally what a toilet is designed to cope with.

Perhaps he would be satisfied with the twee sign we had in the bathroom when I was a child in the 1970s "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be sweet and wipe the seat"? 😇

He could add "and floor" at the end in permanent marker if he feels strongly? 😂

No-one else has said it yet, so I'm sticking my two pence in:

If your husband is so house proud, why is he not cleaning the bathroom and toilet every night?

Every woman I've met who is a clean freak actually does the things that are required to keep the house to that standard. However on here it seems that husbands set their 'standards' but expect wives to be the ones to maintain it?

Step one: he gets help for his phobia
Step two: he does the jobs he cares so deeply about

How on earth does he manage with public loos?

Someone using the toilet? Nah, I find it much more disgusting when someone seemingly joins Mumsnet just to talk about bodily fluids.

It's almost like it's a thing round these parts.

Our house was the go to home when dd was in years 5-8. Less so from year 9 as she changed school, so friends were more dispersed. Still regular sleepovers, which tailed off somewhat in 6th form.

Your dh needs to understand this is a him problem, that should not interfere with your ds’s social life.

Why isn’t he cleaning every night if it’s so important to him?

The more you say about him the more he sounds like a controlling dickhead - why does he get to dictate everything?

What help/ treatment has he sought for his issues, or are the rest of you supposed to just put up with it?

This is not normal - it’s your home too, and your childrens home, they have a right to relax there and use the fucking toilet!

Yes exactly this! I loved having DS’s mates round, it felt lovely that they saw our house as somewhere they were comfortable

Now all early 20’s and I miss those days!

Just tell the boys to clean up properly after themselves.

If OCD is interfering with normal household life he might like to try some hypnotherapy

I couldn't cope with one loo in the house, is it a possibility ? Good for if one of you four need the loo at same time too and DH would have a loo that only you and DC and he uses.

Oh stop Dad ffs. Poor boy can't ask his mates over cos he's Dad doesn't want them using the toilet.

Dad really needs some help here.

Never heard anything like it.

X