to let DS teenage friends visit despite DH objecting to the loo?

[powerforce]

DH and I at odds here. We’ve hit the teenage years and my approach is I’d rather our DS’s friends came over so we can get to know the new ones/ so they aren’t hanging around street corners aimlessly. Not a lovely area so this isn’t hyperbole.
DH is much less happy about this so trying to find a middle ground. His main issue is not the kids who have, so far, been respectful here. It’s the toilet situation - he has a bit of OCD around cleanliness and he is repulsed by them using our loo. I find it a bit icky but just do a wipe down each night (as I would do anyway) so don’t leave him to do it, but interested to hear other views on if I’m being unusually lax or if in fact it’s unreasonable of him to have a real issue with teenage boys using our loo🤔

I have never ever had that thought cross my mind when having my DDs friends and now boyfriends over. Both boys stay and presumably use the toilets just as I’m sure my girls do in their houses?
very odd and very unreasonable to stop friends over because of them using the toilet

Nor have I
but then again they haven’t left the toilet looking like a multi storey public toilet every time they come over! These are young boys. I’d have said “boys!! Please leave the bloomin toilet in a decent state. I am going to leave out some bathroom wipes for you to wipe down wee splatters”.

These op aren’t being parented so simply won’t have been taught manners by their own parents. So the OP needs to be absolutely clear with them. They won’t take offence!

I’ll just repeat some of what I’ve said earlier as think it’s got lost- in no way do they treat it like a public toilet. They are respectful, good manners, take their shoes off without being asked and use the toilet normally! Occasionally yes their shoes smell (but my hall is tiny so it’s not their fault) and occasionally there is a little dribble or a small streak. Like 1 time in 20.

So the problem is entirely with your husband
who responds to issues by not talking
then you have a fairly serious marriage issue. Given the boys are over so often… he must spend most of the evenings in an arsey mood

If their toilet use is totally normal, why do you find it “icky”?

I find the occasional sprinkle and skid mark icky for about 3 seconds until I’ve sprayed it away🤷‍♀️fairly normal use + response I’d say!

Our marriage is great apart from this area which is a mental health issue he won’t acknowledge which is sad. But I can’t force him to get help.

I truly couldn’t respect a man who spent most evenings grumpy because his son has friends over using the toilet, and fails to receive any help for his mental health condition despite it impacting negatively his family day in day out.

And nor could I respect a man who’s response is to not talk to me when he’s pissed off about something.

But of it works for you @powerforce , that’s all that matters ultimately

And you're not being nasty? Hmmm.

You'd swear they were hardened criminals instead of teenage lads. You're the one who's delusional, and yes, nasty.

Having a parent with OCD is all too often a complete misery for children, my mum went through that. He needs to get help because his child should be able to have his friends over.

There is, as usual, some very vindictive sounding people posting on a perfectly nice post. Why do you need to be so bitter?

Bitter about what? This doesn’t affect me in the slightest.

I just have a difference of opinion to you and PP on here, so what? That’s the whole point of a forum we don’t all agree and are free to share that.

you wrote your original comment in a very sarcastic tone and are now trying to back down. Forget it. It’s a lovely day outside

If DH isn’t ever going to get help and address his mental health issue; and your son is probs my always going to want his friends over and seeing as he’s very young - this will be for years ahead; and you’re not going to stop allowing them to come - does that just mean that your DH is going to be in a crappy mood and you frustrated with him constantly for the next few years at least?

What astonishes me more is that you are actually considering that your husband actually might have a point.

He may very well have a point.

So, he should clean the toilet…

I love the snobbery on here
the only houses my boys have been to with drugs there are incredibly off the scale wealthy homes

and funnily enough they can manage to talk to me, and tell me about the rich all taking ket and coke
and can decide themselves to find it embarrassing and pathetic

How old are your boys @bittertwisted ???