to let DS teenage friends visit despite DH objecting to the loo?

[powerforce]

DH and I at odds here. We’ve hit the teenage years and my approach is I’d rather our DS’s friends came over so we can get to know the new ones/ so they aren’t hanging around street corners aimlessly. Not a lovely area so this isn’t hyperbole.
DH is much less happy about this so trying to find a middle ground. His main issue is not the kids who have, so far, been respectful here. It’s the toilet situation - he has a bit of OCD around cleanliness and he is repulsed by them using our loo. I find it a bit icky but just do a wipe down each night (as I would do anyway) so don’t leave him to do it, but interested to hear other views on if I’m being unusually lax or if in fact it’s unreasonable of him to have a real issue with teenage boys using our loo🤔

He's being very unfair. He needs to deal with his issue, not make issues for other people.

So relieved! Was starting to think I was excessively (to a fault) chilled about this

The only shit of concern is him! What a crap Dad! He needs to seek help. It’s totally unfair on your kids.

DH needs to seek help for his issues. It’s unfair that the DC are being affected by it.

Until I joined MN I had no idea how bizarre some people were about the loo. Your poor son - your DH needs to seek help for this.

He sounds like an incredibly unwelcoming and selfish man. Qualities in people I wish to avoid.

It does feel unfair on my DS. he’s made some new friends at high school and I so want them to feel comfortable here so my DS knows he can come and talk to me about anything. That’s my aim anyway, I know it’s not that simple. But the toilet thing is becoming an issue as it’s what my DH focuses on as intolerable, though I know it’s mainly he likes coming in to a quiet clean house (which I don’t keep btw, I’d say I’m averagely clean and tidy), he definitely has issues around mess and order but says I’m far too lax and a doormat letting them all traipse over here.

This. What would he prefer? For them to do it in the garden like a dog?
He is being ridiculous. Toilets are for weeing and pooing in. As long as they aren’t leaving them in a state this is nothing a bit of toilet duck won’t sort.

How would he feel if it was your son who was being refused toilet access at a friends ?

Did your DH's issues start when the immune deficiency became apparent? I've seen extreme cleanliness develop in a relative who faced similar

Your son is going to have a hard time going forward. Your husbands cleanliness quirks will get out and will definitely be a topic of conversation.

Tell he gets help before he permanently damages his children’s friendships.

It’s so odd. He keeps saying it’s dirty and not on that they use our toilet and our home. They’re not random people! I have had to put a strict limit on their snack consumption before I went into debt as they are very hungry teenage boys, but I really don’t feel I can say no #2s. I think I’d look really bloody odd if I did that!

Your husband is being absolutely ridiculous and needs to grow up.
Your son should definitely be allowed and encouraged to having his mates over. It will help his friendships, make him happier and a whole lot safer than roaming the streets.
Why would you even entertain this stupidity?

No, he’s had it ever since we met 14 years ago. I’ve become mroe
hygiene aware since her diagnosis (eg quick 5
min toilet duck/ wipe down before bed) but he’s always been like this

Be glad that your house is the one your teen and his friends want to hang out in. Ours was the go-to house for DS1 and his buddies and now he's grown and flown I miss that. I loved having them around.

As for the loo, your DH is being unreasonable. Just ask your DS to give the loo a quick clean when his mates have gone; that's what I used to do.

Get some VIPoo and leave it on the cistern, that should do for the smells. As you have two can you make sure one is not available if he's that fussy about it?
Also in terms of snacks a bag of popcorn kernels goes a very very long way and it's cheap, most teenage boys love a bucket of homemade popcorn

Your husband is being absolutely ridiculous. Your poor son must be so embarrassed.

Very strange behaviour by your husband! Is it just your son’s friends he has this issue with or can none of your guests use the loo? Couldn’t live like that

I would have been entirely unsympathetic to anyone who had barred workmen from using their bogs …until, that is, one bloke left an enormous turd unflushed in mine.
It’s horrendous not to flush when using someone else’s bog! And flush again, if necessary.

And then check that it’s gone and the bowl is clean. SOP, surely?

My DH has OCD (proper, diagnosed, very bad) and toilets have been a trigger, but we've never let it interfere with children's friendships, etc. DD to this day has no idea how bad it's been at times.

Your DH needs to find a way to deal with his anxiety that doesn't disadvantage your children. I know that's not easy.

I’m sorry but if your husband wants a quiet clean house he should go live by himself.

If you live with other people, you have to expect a certain level of noise and mess - he needs to compromise.

His anxiety should not be dictating how everyone else in the house lives.

Well, to the rational, objective onlooker, your husband is being totally unreasonable. That's it, really.

Rent your DH a DavLav for the garden; and convert the garage for him.

ah this is sad op! You only get a few years with teens coming in your home - enjoy it.