MIL keeps asking about children’s savings accounts

[bysy]

A while ago my MIL mentioned she thought it was a good idea if we opened up savings accounts for our kids. So we can save on their behalf and also when the family gives money for them, it can all go into their own savings accounts.

we said yeah good idea, we will get around to doing it. I set up a savings account for them under my own account for now. Anyway, every birthday she’s always asking why haven’t we set up a savings account yet. She’s nagging us. Then recently it was one of my kids birthdays and she clearly got SIL to pressure us in the group chat, asking if we’d finally opened a savings account for our children’s future.

I was super pissed off. For what it’s worth, we do have the savings accounts now and I did tell them that I also have one for them under my own account.

then MIL comes round and tells my son to go and find the card they gave him with money in it (cash) it’s like she wanted to see if the cash was still in the card. It pissed me off again.

when SIL asked on the chat about the account I gave her the details of the joint savings account and said any money anyone had given them has gone in there already and will continue to go in there.

I think it’s so rude and intrusive do keep going on about this though. Kids are 4 and 6 for reference.

also for reference I give my nieces and nephews money for their birthdays and have never asked their parents if they have a savings account or enquired where the money has gone that I have given them.

it’s typical MIL dominance here.

So you've told sil you have, and given the details. Surely that should solve the problem.

It sounds like your MIL wants to start transferring money which is generous and a good idea for IHT purposes. I'd be pleased.

Yes its fucking rude! Its incinuating you're knicking your kids cash IMO.

So is she asking about their savings or asking about birthday money locations?

In my opinion birthday money is to be spent on something fun. Is she suggesting that instead of purchasing a birthday present- she just tops up their savings account every birthday? What joy does that give the children fgs?

Eh? MIL is wanting to give your young kids money for their future, and wants the account details to put directly into the account and you don’t like that? 🤷‍♀️

How ungrateful! Your MIL probably keeps going on about it as it is an incredibly weird thing not just to say thanks and provide the account number!

If it is just your name it isn’t really their account or are you and the children named on the account ?

Hi
Is it dominance or is she trying to work out what type of account you've got to ensure it's the best ie tax efficient etc.

Opening them accounts under your name/account is really inefficient and if she's a savvy saver, maybe she's wanting to help but coming at it in a way that's misunderstood.

Why do you have your kids accounts under your name? She probably thinks you’re siphoning money from their accounts, and if she’s giving them money then that’s not an unfair thought.

Be pleased you have a MIL who’s interested in your children’s future . Kids that have no nest egg are going to find it very difficult in this increasingly expensive world .

I have a savings account for DS, it isn't in his name because I don't want an 18 year old having access to a large amount of money, especially one with ADHD and high impulsivity, it doesn't mean the money isn't being saved for him, it's just being saved with purpose

Why not set them up proper children’ savings accounts. It would be more tax efficient.

@PersephoneParlormaid i would be SO insulted if my MIL was implying that I was “siphoning” money from my children’s accounts. 😬

Depends what MIL is like in that other ways. This pushy insistence could be as you say to be able to pay in extra savings for the kids or if she is pushy and controlling in other ways it could be a control thing. The fact she wanted to check money she gave was still in the account seems very controlling. If you give the gift of money you can’t and should not try to dictate what it is spent on. If it was a larger amount say several thousand I get they may want to see it invested for the future, but surely a grandparent could set that up themselves anyway separately.

I think she just wants some reassurance that the money is going to them not to you.

I get that seems pretty mistrusting on her part, and you’ve every right to feel angry at that, but perhaps something in her past has triggered this 🤷‍♀️

Your unwillingness to send her the account details suggests that you have something to hide at worst or at best, you are being obtuse.

Agree with this. She wants to ensure that the money is ring fenced for their futures, which is fair enough.

In my opinion the sooner children have savings accounts in their own name the better. They can usually get better interest rates and tax relief too. Any saved birthday money or gifts from grandparents really do add up over the years and will be a huge boost when your kids are adults. I’d make it as easy for your in-laws to make deposits as possible.

I have my children’s savings in an account in my name too, any birthday money they get they use to buy themselves something they want, but if I’m saving my money that I earned for them then I prefer to keep it in my name so I can control what it’s spent on, I had some savings in my name as a child and I wasted it all on clothes and junk food when I was about 14.

If your mother in law wants to send them money to save she should tell you this so you can sort out the best type of account for them, but it sounds like she just wants their birthday money to go into an account in their name and there’s not much point setting up a specific account to saving £20 a year.

I would be tempted to say, you save the cash for them yourself or alternatively shove it up your ass.
Are they sneakily accusing you of spending the money, not that it is anybody’s business.

How much are we talking here? Because saving in your name isn't tax efficient so you aren't doing anyone any favours.

Lots of people do that so that they can decide when to give it to the child. My oldest was in the first wave of CTF accounts and when the kids were turning eighteen some of the, had thousands of pounds which they all spent on holidays and nonsense.

I actually think it is an ‘unfair thought’ to assume that your daughter in law is stealing money from her own children.

Sadly a lot of parents do steal their children's cash

That’s not what’s happening here though. The OP hadn’t set up accounts in her DCs names and her MIL was pushing for her to do so - which is no bad thing tbh. It’s very good financial management for DC to have accounts in their own names and for grandparents to be able to transfer money directly into those accounts.

If it's a group chat, why is it directed at you instead of your DH?

I do think she will keep pestering until you/ DH provide account details for the children.

It is odd that you refuse to do so if they actually have their own accounts, but it sounds like they still don't, which is also unusual.

Either way, your DH should deal with it.

Is there a reason why you don't want to open accounts which are just in the children's names?

I can understand your MIL's perspective tbh.

I wouldn't go all huffy about this and take it as a personal insult. She wants to contribute to building your kids financial future. Not unreasonable and a lovely thing to do.

Kids should have their own savings accounts in their own names that others can pay into. She's not being unreasonable in requesting the details so she can add money.

The more you twist and dodge the more shifty you appear so you're actually creating a situation where you look dodgy, which is probably far from the truth.

In her shoes, I'd probably buy premium bonds or get my son to set up a junior investment account and start buying shares for the kids. This is what we do in our family.

It's not about a silly power play, she just wants to put something by for her grandchildren.

OP I hear you. Those who have not had difficult ILs just don’t get it. It might amuse you to know that my MIL made a grand fuss of opening a bank account on behalf of my DS. Put £500 in it and banged on for years about it. When he turned 18 and I asked about it it emerged they’d cashed it in, not paid any tax and spent the money. So you’re not alone…

Sorry you are complained because your MIL wants to give the children money and was nagging you to do it?

it makes no sense to set up in your own name as the interest is taxed at your marginal rate and the interest rates are higher on children’s accounts. Ideally you should have children’s isa’s set up. Id have it all set up ready to go and be grateful!