MIL keeps asking about children’s savings accounts

[bysy]

A while ago my MIL mentioned she thought it was a good idea if we opened up savings accounts for our kids. So we can save on their behalf and also when the family gives money for them, it can all go into their own savings accounts.

we said yeah good idea, we will get around to doing it. I set up a savings account for them under my own account for now. Anyway, every birthday she’s always asking why haven’t we set up a savings account yet. She’s nagging us. Then recently it was one of my kids birthdays and she clearly got SIL to pressure us in the group chat, asking if we’d finally opened a savings account for our children’s future.

I was super pissed off. For what it’s worth, we do have the savings accounts now and I did tell them that I also have one for them under my own account.

then MIL comes round and tells my son to go and find the card they gave him with money in it (cash) it’s like she wanted to see if the cash was still in the card. It pissed me off again.

when SIL asked on the chat about the account I gave her the details of the joint savings account and said any money anyone had given them has gone in there already and will continue to go in there.

I think it’s so rude and intrusive do keep going on about this though. Kids are 4 and 6 for reference.

also for reference I give my nieces and nephews money for their birthdays and have never asked their parents if they have a savings account or enquired where the money has gone that I have given them.

it’s typical MIL dominance here.

Then maybe MIL needs to state this.
As from how it sounds currently she is just being nosy.
If she said I want to gift the children a large amount for their future and was wondering if you had an ISA I could have the details for to put it, the I don't think the OP would be as annoyed.

That's why I struck a balance. My savings for my kids are in my own name. But money from relatives quite rightly goes in the children's names.
I hope I am raising the children to understand money and use that money wisely, but it's essentially money we can afford to lose it they blow it. But it also gives them freedom and some money of their own, perhaps to spend on something that could be hugely helpful to them. Or fun for them

My first boyfriend died at 19, and my best friend at 21. I honestly won't mind if my children spend their savings from relatives having fun, life can be unpredictably short

People give differently and it's their choice. My children's grandparents (both sets) would give a small gift (my mum worked in a charity shop and they'd get a bag of gifts that looked like new) and also send money. They also spent valuable time with them. My now young adults are grateful they have money of their own to choose how to spend. I have always modelled sensible spending and I trusted them not to blow it all (although if they had, that would have been their choice).

I don’t think she can. Money laundering laws prevent it. It’s beyond me why OP doesn’t just do the tax efficient and sensible thing and open an ISA in her child’s name and give her mil the details so she can pay into it.

Because parents can and do use the children’s money. They take some out to buy a new coat, family days out, that ‘amazing new toy’ that will be forgotten about next year.
By putting it in the children’s name they are the only ones who will spend it.
What if the parents split up? If the account is in the mother’s name and she feels short changed she could spend it.
I wouldn’t transfer money to someone else’s account. Once it’s there you have no control on how it’s spent.

I've done a mix here. My savings for my kids are in my name as I'll be using this to go towards university. I kept their gifts from family in an account each attached to my bank account and have given one son his at 16. Older son not fussed so have kept to one side but he's fully aware of the amount and that he can have it.
It is frustrating that she's questioned it. I've never been asked where the money has been going but told my parents about the linked account and how much was there.

She wants to invest money in them . That's probably all..Sounds like a kind thing to do.

You’re mad. My MIL has put a small fortune in the kids’ regular saver accounts over the years. They are only dimly aware of this (and I’m the parent administrator of the account - but it’s in their names) but one day they’ll be very grateful for it.

Exactly this. I have a friend that found his passbook and blew it all without his parents knowledge

Just set up an account so MIL can put money in it. Not sure what the big deal is. You keep the one under your name too.

Both my parents are accountants, I was told about savings and compound interest and had all the financial education you could imagine, didn’t stop me blowing my meagre savings at 14 and never having had more than £1,000 saved up as an adult. Some people are just impulsive.

We have a stocks and shares ISA for our 3yo which is in our name but is earmarked for him. We did not want him accessing tens of thousands at 18 and wanted some flexibility over when and how much to give to him, allowing it to grow more until he is ready to use it for something substantial. Right now it doesn't impact our own savings allowance but that may change - will review then and perhaps consider a trust. We will also have a separate savings account in his name at some point for smaller money that he can use as he chooses.

I opened a trust account with the Yorkshire Building Society for my granddaughter.. we don't have to turn it over to her until she's 21.... although neither she nor her parents know about it so it could be later if we choose. (she's only 6 anyway so a while to go). I wouldn't trust her parents if they had access to it. They're both prone to frivolous spending. The YBS don't do that account anymore for new applicants but your MIL should look into something similar and bypass you altogether. Maybe if you were a little more pleasant and not just looking for a reason to MIL bash she wouldn't need to nag you. Your behaviour is reason enough not to trust you with the kids' cash!!! Stop being a bitch.

You’re coming across as the weird controlling one, not your MIL.

“MIL I know you’ve been worried about the DC’s savings accounts so I have set up 1 for each DC just for you. Shall I give you the details so you can transfer money in?” Would that work? I’d be grateful- it’s money for your DC!

I can see MIL's POV.
I put money into accounts for my grandchildren that are not connected to their parents, because I don't trust either of them.
That is separate from Xmas & birthday presents.

Glad your H did it. You shouldn't have been difficult about it. You've been really unreasonable. Your MIL just wanted to give money to your children. All this 'they have savings in my account' is nonsense.

Ffs your mil is wanting to gift your children regularly and you are complaining?

My dc are the “child trust fund” generation and I know more who have bought holidays, cars, clothes and alcohol than have spent it on uni fees. I only know a few who went completely wild. Most were 10 nights in Ibiza instead of 4, and a mini break in Paris on top - a 5 year old polo rather than a 10yo C1, £100 jeans rather than £25 etc, turning down that extra shift because you don’t actually need the money, saying “yes” to every concert and festival rather than having to choose the one you want most. It’s developmentally normal to make borderline foolish financial choices at 18 and not unheard of to make catastrophically bad lifestyle choices (drugs etc) which are compounded, not alleviated, by a sudden money bomb.
My own children had little money and all turned out sensible but by luck rather than design. I have friends who have parented much better than me and have provided more stability but have had dc with poorer impulse control and decision making capability at 18. I. Have friends with multiple children who, like my own, have ended up with completely different personalities and priorities. If you are going to funnel large amounts of money into an account that is fully accessible by your child at 18 you should prepare yourself at least for the possibility that your child will not make the choices you want them to - it’s their money and your control slips away (or is wrenched in the case of children with addictions or who are groomed - does nobody remember Miss Georgiana Darcy’s lucky escape??). It’s naive to think your own tiny children will somehow be “better” than everyone else’s and make the decision you want them to as adults.

We’ve set up one in our DDs name for gifts, and then got one in our joint account for us to save into specifically for her, it doesn’t have to be one or the other!

I voted YBU as I set this up when she was 2 months old (and had also been asked multiple times by relatives), so I’m not sure why you’ve waited maybe 6 years? It’s surely something you want to encourage!

You can’t unless your the child’s parents, to avoid fraud I guess. My sons godmother tried to do this but couldn’t.

Why not just open a kids saving account though? Why in your name?

Why doesn't she ask if she can set up an account in your children's names and pay into it and then give you the details? That's what my Grandparents did (albeit many years ago!)

Are the accounts you have set up Junior ISAs or not? You could be doing so much better for your children than just opening an ordinary savings account.

Neither of my adult children "blew" their savings at 18. They always knew it wasn't for spending on fluff and it was for a car or a house deposit. They understood that I'd worked hard to save that money for them and they weren't brought up to be entitled. My friend on the other hand basically said to her kid 'here's your CTF. There's nothing I can do to stop you spending it'.