MIL keeps asking about children’s savings accounts

[bysy]

A while ago my MIL mentioned she thought it was a good idea if we opened up savings accounts for our kids. So we can save on their behalf and also when the family gives money for them, it can all go into their own savings accounts.

we said yeah good idea, we will get around to doing it. I set up a savings account for them under my own account for now. Anyway, every birthday she’s always asking why haven’t we set up a savings account yet. She’s nagging us. Then recently it was one of my kids birthdays and she clearly got SIL to pressure us in the group chat, asking if we’d finally opened a savings account for our children’s future.

I was super pissed off. For what it’s worth, we do have the savings accounts now and I did tell them that I also have one for them under my own account.

then MIL comes round and tells my son to go and find the card they gave him with money in it (cash) it’s like she wanted to see if the cash was still in the card. It pissed me off again.

when SIL asked on the chat about the account I gave her the details of the joint savings account and said any money anyone had given them has gone in there already and will continue to go in there.

I think it’s so rude and intrusive do keep going on about this though. Kids are 4 and 6 for reference.

also for reference I give my nieces and nephews money for their birthdays and have never asked their parents if they have a savings account or enquired where the money has gone that I have given them.

it’s typical MIL dominance here.

I don’t know why she thinks she can dictate what the children spend the £50 birthday money on. In today’s society it is not much, they’re really young children, cash in a card to a child that young for their birthday is crass in my opinion. Buy them a gift, she can save separately for them if she’s worried about it in her own account.

It sounds like your child's grandparents have been generous and sending a monthly amount, not as a birthday gift.
From the OPs description it sounds like the MIL is questioning where birthday money goes (which might not be that much) and isn't thinking of actually saving money for the child.

Yes or upset that money they saved for their kids will count as savings that reduce the amount of a benefit claim

Honestly, you don't sound trustworthy at all. The children have now got their own accounts, but you've given MIL the details of the account in your name?

I nagged my daughter to open JISAs for my grandchildren too. It took her years to get round to it. Years when I could have been putting a monthly amount into those accounts. Obviously had I known from the off that she'd take years I could have done something differently, but every time I asked, she was 'about to do it'*. So I'm team MIL.

*I love her dearly, but she could procrastinate for Britain.

I’m with you, I also save money for the kids in an account under my name so I can get a sense of how sensible they are before they get it instead of it automatically going to them at 18! (Currently have a toddler and a newborn and would say they’re both very unreasonable 🥲)

I did relent though and set up a JISA for each of them too which the paternal grandparents can pay into directly. My parents happily trust me and don’t care that money they give to their grandchildren is still under my name.

Many years ago I used to give money to my Godson via his parents. He should have had a decent five figure sum by the time he turned 18... except there was nothing. The parents had spent it all already.

I can see where your MIL is coming from. I'd be the same now.

Agreed.

Its not just the tax you also need to consider what would happen if you ever needed to claim benefits. That money would count as your savings and potentaily make you ineligible.

Yeah they literally have given thru 50 pounds a couple of times…

Obviously opening kids accounts in their names so they can blow the cash at 16 is a stupid idea. I save for my kids in my own name. MIL needs some common sense.

Why get them a gift? That's not the point of giving the money. It's towards savings for their future. I opened accounts for my children and they're grateful that they now have their own savings accounts to choose what to spend it on. One is using it to start investing in stocks and shares. It's not about amounts of money but an accumulation over time.

My kids have accounts that I control and their own for spends. Any savings stays with me. I know too many people whose kids had £££ in savings accounts and blew the lot on shit when they got access at 18.

Open a junior ISA. Why wouldn’t you. Hargreaves Lansdown have cheap platform fees. ChatGPT can help you choose funds if you need. Something like a global all share tracker with a medium to long term horizon is what I have for my children.

Well £50 is a lot of money to many.
OP you sound very rude. Whether it's £50 or £500 is not the point.
I'm starting to see why she has a problem with you.

If giving out details to a relative to transfer money, they'll expect it to be an individual account solely in the child's name (e.g. one you can't remove any money from), not one under your own account that you still control.

The kids can withdraw all the money at 18 and not everyone feels that that is right for their family.

I have really sensible kids but it makes far more sense at the moment for me to have a savings account on their behalf.

I think MIL should not send anything until you give her child bank accounts details
no day no money

she’s not being unreasonable

there many reasons the money should be in the child’s name

tbh your evasiveness and reluctance would raise alarm bells for me

Not always true! My kids have their own ISAs with uni fees/house deposit money in. We've always explained to them thats what the money is for. If you have raised your kids properly to respect their parents they won't dare blow it all at 16. I didn't.

So for birthdays and Christmas you don't want people to get your children (or if you are a grandparent you don't want to give your grandchildren) a present? You only want to give them money for their future?

By the time we were 11 we had about three accounts each.
Midland bank did some great freebies incentive to sign up.
We had a building society book too. I was taught the importance of saving.

If you ever are in need of benefits their money in your account makes a difference.

With a lot of DC, the day they turn 18 they blow the lot, unfortunately. It happens, and no-one can stop it. 🤷‍♀️

Also I think the MiL is heavily insinuating that OP is stealing (or may steal) money intended for her DC, which is very offensive; and is roping in SiL as a ‘flying monkey’ character.

I think OP’s instincts are reasonable here. Where’s the respect for her role?

So far.

My mum gives each of her grandchildren her annual tax free gift allowance of up to £3k. She transfers it direct to each one's savings account. Maybe your MIL wants to do the same and wants reassurance that is in their names before giving larger sums.

Have you never read the posts on here from people having 'borrowed’ their children's savings from accounts with your set up, and then being completely unable to pay them back? There was one who used it as a house deposit for themselves and tried to say it was in their children's own interests to be stolen from for that purpose. You may think you would never behave like that but by refusing to give her details of an account that you don't control, you look shady and untrustworthy.

For what it's worth, I had a discussion with my in-laws about gifts for my grand-nephews and grand-nieces.

I was told that the children always have plenty of toys and it's difficult to know what to buy for children, so for Christmas and birthdays the grandparents send money directly to the children's accounts.

My mother opened an account in my name back in the '60s, but had control of it. When I went to university, she signed it over to my control.

I’m pretty sure the OP knows how bank accounts and money work.

That’s not the point though. Her MiL’s attitude is the point.

She may well want to be giving them money for the future. I know when my niece was born I wanted to get her presents of equal value to other family members, but there was no way I was buying £100 worth of “stuff” for a baby- it would have just been a waste. So I asked about premium bonds for her.

I have seen on this site before people saying money is tight, toddler has been given birthday money, would I be unreasonable to spend that on a family day at the zoo for them to enjoy, and similar.

It may be you MIL doesn’t want any ambiguity in the money she hands over. It isn’t to be frittered on things the kids want now, and it isn’t to go on family days.

It takes 5 minutes to set up an account, if I was you MIL your reticence to do it would instantly make me suspicious on what you were doing with the money. I really don’t see why it has to go through your account at all.