MIL keeps asking about children’s savings accounts

[bysy]

A while ago my MIL mentioned she thought it was a good idea if we opened up savings accounts for our kids. So we can save on their behalf and also when the family gives money for them, it can all go into their own savings accounts.

we said yeah good idea, we will get around to doing it. I set up a savings account for them under my own account for now. Anyway, every birthday she’s always asking why haven’t we set up a savings account yet. She’s nagging us. Then recently it was one of my kids birthdays and she clearly got SIL to pressure us in the group chat, asking if we’d finally opened a savings account for our children’s future.

I was super pissed off. For what it’s worth, we do have the savings accounts now and I did tell them that I also have one for them under my own account.

then MIL comes round and tells my son to go and find the card they gave him with money in it (cash) it’s like she wanted to see if the cash was still in the card. It pissed me off again.

when SIL asked on the chat about the account I gave her the details of the joint savings account and said any money anyone had given them has gone in there already and will continue to go in there.

I think it’s so rude and intrusive do keep going on about this though. Kids are 4 and 6 for reference.

also for reference I give my nieces and nephews money for their birthdays and have never asked their parents if they have a savings account or enquired where the money has gone that I have given them.

it’s typical MIL dominance here.

I wouldn’t trust my sister in law with the cash either I’d think she’d use it on present stuff too. Eg I’ve witnessed a relative give £10 for her then 2 year old and she said ‘this will cover the aero plane toy we bought her on the way here, that can be ‘from’ relative now’ and pocketed the cash. After seeing that I’d never trust her with larger sums. It’d just go on things that would have already been bought.

I’m shocked no one has already said this but your mil is being unreasonable for nagging YOU about this and not HER OWN SON (assuming he’s alive and well). I wouldn’t dream of having this convo with my sons wife, he should be the one getting on with doing some admin for his own children and then no ill feeling would be there.

Indeed.

It would be better to set up isas for them as the interest rate is good. Send her the details for transferring birthday/Christmas money in the future.

This ^

Time and time again, children are not financially protected because of a lack of planning.

I wouldn't give money to any grandchildren unless it was ringfenced in an account just for them. Your reluctance to do that would make me uneasy. She has not gone about this in the right way, but neither have you.

If you don't want to open accounts in your children's names only, don't accept the money. You do not have to accept it just because it is offered.

Also at 4 and 6 the kids often want to spend it rather than save it. Mine love taking some birthday money to Smyths!

You should really have a separate account for your children, such as a Junior ISA which is invested in stocks & shares. If family members contribute on top of a monthly contribution from you, your kids will end up with a hefty amount by the time they are 18

Yes, which they can spend on a PlayStation or a boozy holiday with their mates or buying clothes and make up which you can do absolutely nothing to prevent.

There are saving accounts with some banks where the account is under the name of the parent but it is designated as the child's money and ownership of it transfers to the child at 18. Legally they are a "bare trust" and they aren't the same as the parent just having their own savings and saying they will hand it over later, as using the child's money for anything other than the child's benefit would be considered fraud.

Whatever the practicalities, I think that asking once is reasonable, banging on about it is not.

And it can just as easily be spent by their mother before they get to 18 on things their mother deems appropriate. Which is not the spirit in which the money was given. I am a firm believer of if you don't like the terms, don't accept it.

Because then she needs to ask for the birth certificate.....that will also be seen as interfering by the OP from what I can gather.

Op I think its an easy thing to stop agro. Just open their own accounts. Its not hard. Many people do syphon off their kids savings so maybe she is just concerned. There's been threads on here asking if its reasonable to "borrow" from the kids accounts which always divides opinion.

Can the parent spend in and worry about the consequences later? History is littered with parents who have done this.

He doesn’t have to know about it. I’d accounts for all mine and they hog the money when they were buying their first house.

I’m (almost) the MIL in this.

At our suggestion all my kids (bar1) set up ISAs for their kids and we put money into them every birthday and Christmas. Their parents also add to them when they can.

However 1 DIL won’t set up ISAs for her 2 and gets very irritated when asked, which I usually do before their birthdays or Xmas. As soon as they’re set up we’ll put in the money we would have but I just can’t fathom why she won’t do it. I also know that she would/will be the first to complain when all the cousins have a nest egg when the time comes and hers don’t. I’ve asked son to set them up but he won’t do it unless she agrees.

Were baffled.

They can’t do that if they don’t know it exists. We had these for all of ours and they got the money to use as a deposit in their first house.

My mum always 'looked after' birthday money for me and my sibling. She just spent it.

Makes me remember I actually wanted to buy premium bonds for my nieces and nephews every birthday and Xmas. I didn’t care if they blew the money at 18, I just thought it was a nice gift and easy and would be cool for them to get a bit of money saved for them. They are an absolutely pain to set up and require the parents to send in the documentation etc. I couldn’t get the parents to do it. They kept ‘forgetting’ when the letters came and timed out. After about 3 attempts I gave up. Was very disappointed as I was thinking ‘who would turn down this gift’?

Open a Child ISA in both their names, give DH's family the details and be done with it. Yes it's a bit weird that your MIL wanted to check what happened to cash she had gifted, but it's not weird that she wants them to have their own savings accounts (it's more tax efficient than you having accounts for them in your name).

I think she is probably trying to be helpful and caring but going about it badly. For what it’s worth, my mum just opened an account for each of her grandkids herself which she pays into each month. My MIL pays into the ones we opened. So there’s more than one way to do it, maybe suggest she opens her own accounts if she’s worried!

This is a good way to do it.
Set up accounts for them and give MIL the numbers.
Don't tell the children.

When you think their ages are suitable, say 21, you can tell them they have money in their names.

You'll probably have to pay tax on their money if it's in your name. They have their own tax allowances.

Had something similar with my partners family, great grandma wanting to gift cash for grandkids for future etc I set up a junior ISA for him but if he was gifted small amounts for birthday cash etc used it for something nice day out (toy etc) until my son got to 12 when he had his own bank account with debit card for smaller amounts etc.

My ExDP's mum was superlative with money, although far from wealthy. She saved for my daughter and we are nothing but grateful. Just checked and anyone can buy Premium Bonds as gifts for under 16s. Can I suggest you ask for those for your children. There can be no question then about where the money is or under whose name.

She sounds quite pushy. If she was that concerned or thought you were taking the money, then there's nothing stopping her from setting up her own savings account and giving the money to the kids when they turn 18, as a house deposit or whenever.

She doesn’t trust you not to spend it.

I think it used to be possible for adults to set up savings accounts on behalf of children. So grandparents could do it.

That isn't possible anymore. ID has to be presented and I think only the parents can do it (might be wrong on this).

So maybe it's that really, THAT is what your MIL would have wanted to do? I would really like to be able to do this for my GC because frankly, my son hasn't always been the best with money and may have 'borrowed' the GC's money.

But it isn't possible anymore. I'm old and the ability to set accounts up for grandchildren is long gone. But that might have been your MIL's preference.