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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to buy the house I love despite my parents' concerns?

259 replies

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 16:57

I’m an only child of older parents, they live abroad, I live in the south of England. Not sure if it matters but I opted not to have kids and currently single! They come and stay with me maybe 3 times a year, 2 weeks on the trot before we all start hating each other.

Last year I decided I would move and finally found a house I can afford. I was really excited, it’s got buckets of character, is in the perfect location for me. It’ll need a bit of work long term but nothing I’m worried about / unprepared for.
Anyway, I went ahead and got my lawyer on it. Until my parents came to stay with me.
I set up a viewing so they could see it, my hope was that they would love it too. Instead they were horrified, my mother had not a single positive thing to say, my father literally no opinion as usual. The entire time they stayed with me I heard all their gripes, the main being the stairs were too old and narrow and that there was no downstairs loo. Now my dad is banging on about how I should compromise and buy somewhere that basically they like and inconveniences me by being out of the area I love and is practical to me.
Im trying to find solutions to the above like putting a loo in, but does this make me a dickhead if I buy it?

If they can’t handle stairs it seems unlikely they will get on a plane to stay with me anyway.
It’s driving me mad, I just want to buy the place that I love and be happy there. I can’t deal with all this nonsense and guilt. I work really hard and I don’t want to mortgage too high to get a place that has loads more space that I’ll pay to heat but never use.

Or am I being a shitty selfish only child not thinking about what they want?

OP posts:
Zov · 16/05/2026 16:59

You do what's best for you, take no notice of your parents. Your life, your money, your home. Flowers

BellaVita · 16/05/2026 16:59

They are being very selfish. If they are not happy with the house of your choice then they can stay at a hotel/airbnb if they come and visit.

GO AND BUY IT!!

notacooldad · 16/05/2026 17:00

You are an adult and can make your own informed decisions
If you can make it work, buy it.
My mum is negative about everything. I just say ' I can see why this ( whatever it is) wouldn't suit you but I love it!

Savvysix1984 · 16/05/2026 17:02

I don’t think you being an only child has anything to do with it.
If I wanted my parents to come stay with me but the house was prohibitive (for real reasons) then I’d probably rethink it.
Have they given you a deposit towards it?

Snucker · 16/05/2026 17:02

My parents come and stay in the nearest premier inn with an accessible room. My house is four floors and just too hard for them to navigate but we manage just fine. They want you to spend more for them? Think that is shocking!

Crispsandcola · 16/05/2026 17:02

As a mom to two adult children, I would say that no child owes their parents anything. If they don't like your choice that's their problem - don't let them make it yours.

Watercooler · 16/05/2026 17:02

Are they contributing?

CheeseAndTomatoSandwichWithMayo · 16/05/2026 17:03

Are your parents helping you buy this property? I assume not

Are you 12? I assume not

Then.....why does it matter what they think? Are you and they enmeshed in an unhealthy co dependant relationship?

If so, get counselling

Either way. Ignore them

somanychristmaslights · 16/05/2026 17:03

They stay 6 weeks a year, you’ll live there 52 weeks a year. If you love it then absolutely buy it.

S0j0urn4r · 16/05/2026 17:03

Could their future plan be to live with you? It sounds like they want you to buy a house that suits them (your mum.)

user3769863490 · 16/05/2026 17:03

Hotel/airbnb/travel lodge!
It’s you that lives there full time therefore 100% your choice! And you are right if they can’t get to an upstairs loo, they’ll be unlikely to be managing the travel (although I Would investigate the possibilities of putting one in as its a proper pain having to run upstairs all the time)

OnlyFrench · 16/05/2026 17:03

My mum was horrified when she first saw my last house in the UK - condition of it etc. She eventually bought it off me when I finished renovating ! Live your life the way you want.

Mt563 · 16/05/2026 17:04

It is awkward to get around no downstairs loo if stairs are.a.problem but if you can put one in, then that's a non issue.
I wouldn't care if my parents didn't like my house. They don't have to live there. But I did put consideration into making sure it was accessible for them because I enjoy having them to stay.

Sparkletastic · 16/05/2026 17:05

Win win if they have to stay elsewhere from the sounds of it

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 17:05

Savvysix1984 · 16/05/2026 17:02

I don’t think you being an only child has anything to do with it.
If I wanted my parents to come stay with me but the house was prohibitive (for real reasons) then I’d probably rethink it.
Have they given you a deposit towards it?

No. They gave me money about 15 years ago to get on the ladder but won’t be contributing to this.

OP posts:
Larrythecatforpm · 16/05/2026 17:05

Just go buy it and visit them instead.

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 17:07

S0j0urn4r · 16/05/2026 17:03

Could their future plan be to live with you? It sounds like they want you to buy a house that suits them (your mum.)

I had this conversation with them but neither have any plans to come back to U.K. If one of them dies they could easily sell up and afford to do this themselves. Otherwise if they stay put they have care plans for that.

OP posts:
Hatty65 · 16/05/2026 17:07

You are daft to be even considering their opinion.

You've found a house they love. If they are elderly and it wouldn't suit them, then that's their issue. If they want to come and stay with you then they will need to book into a suitable hotel or AirBnB.

You don't buy your forever home to suit other people - and particularly not to suit other people who don't live with you!

pizzaHeart · 16/05/2026 17:08

Do you think their ideas about houses are realistic? You’ve said that they live abroad. Does it mean that they are used to different houses ( my non UK relatives definitely do) or they just don’t understand economic realities of today?
They are opening bigger question - how close your lives are going to be and what happened in the future. I think you need to buy what you can buy and what suitable for you but you definitely need a think and conversation about their expectations and yours.

outerspacepotato · 16/05/2026 17:08

They're thinking of moving in at some point and or you being their caregiver when the time comes

Buy the place you love, not what your parents approve of. You're the one who has to live there.

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 17:08

Snucker · 16/05/2026 17:02

My parents come and stay in the nearest premier inn with an accessible room. My house is four floors and just too hard for them to navigate but we manage just fine. They want you to spend more for them? Think that is shocking!

The problem is they have no knowledge of the market, they seem to think if I just keep waiting then by some miracle there will be a house that works for all of us - but I know that is not going to happen!

OP posts:
ChessieFL · 16/05/2026 17:10

Of course you should buy it. You love it and you’re the one who has to live there.

Dearg · 16/05/2026 17:11

They don’t get a say.

To be honest we did not let our parents see any of the houses we have bought, as their opinions were not really relevant. At no point were they contributing.

Just do some research on suitable hotels or holiday lets nearby. But live your own life.

Bettermuseli · 16/05/2026 17:12

Is there a compromise whereby you visit them instead, or you jointly rent an accessible place for out of season holidays together, rather than you buying a house suitable for their needs?

SleepingisanArt · 16/05/2026 17:13

Buy it. They don't have to live in it but you do! Your home should work for you not your parents as you don't have plans for them to live with you. If they want to visit I'm sure there's a premier inn or similar nearby they can stay in.....

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